lost my job

You know how they say you can actually make things happen in your life, just by the power of your thoughts? I don't know if it was a little of that and a little of knowing it was coming, but I am officially unemployed. In some ways it sucks, but I think I've been prepared for this. I didn't want to keep coming here and answering the phone, it was exhausting emotionally and depressing. The only worry I have now is money. It's not like I made a whole lot, but it paid for Casey's pre-school, so now the question is whether we can afford to keep her in school. She's four, so she really should be in pre-school. Of course there are ways of finding the money, but it feels like we're tight enough already.

I have an exam starting today to work a temporary job with Leapforce. It's only a 6 month term and I hear the test is really hard, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up. But, I am a really good test taker for what it's worth. I'm not even sure what that means, but I've always done well on standardized tests and found them easy, so we'll see.

Today has been weird. My boss sat down and started with "You know how much I like you..." I held back the tears cause how unprofessional is that? It's just a really weird feeling to be let go and the knee jerk reaction (for me) is to cry. Anyway, we've said our goodbyes and he will keep me as a contractor for any research that comes up (the only part I liked about my job). I do wholeheartedly believe that things happen that push you toward bigger and better things. I won't say "things happen for a reason" cause I hate that saying. Tomato, tomatoe.

Anyway, that's life today. Hoping for the best with the Leapforce test and I'll take it from there. I also want to start a pet sitting business. I love dogs more than people and would really enjoy that, just need the shove to get started and the courage to believe I can do it.

Happy September!

It finally feels like Fall is on the way. Well, not by noon it won't, but it was actually just a tiny bit chilly this morning while I walked the dogs, so pleasant and energizing.

So, what better be my final surgery is on Tuesday. Had my pre-op appointment Monday. Nothing new to report. We talked about going down 50cc's at the most. I'm good with that. We talked about pain, and restrictions and I once again begin to worry about the housework. But this time so much less than before. I think I've just begun to realize how fast time passes and that four weeks, is really nothing. Dr. B asks "So, are you excited?" I don't think excited is the word. Anxious and ready is more like it. I could see my boobs bobbing along out of the corner of my eye, as I walked the dogs. No more of that I hope.

Casey had her first soccer practice last night. Cutest thing ever. Go Sparkle Ponies! What's even cuter is her enthusiasm. Each time they came off the field for water, she would announce "I am so good at soccer." I love it. After practice we hung around, just for a minute. The sun was at a perfect angle and I saw my kids walking toward me, together, smiling. I swear it was the most beautiful thing I'd seen, ever. Man I love my kids.

Best song I heard on my walk this morning: Forever Young by Bob Dylan. When Dylan was born, some friends of my parents had written out the words to the song on a card (you know, with his name being Dylan and all). It really is a lovely song and has had a special place in my heart ever since.

True to form, I have stopped running. I just don't see the point with surgery ready to catapult me back to square one with fitness.

Happy early Fall, I love this time of year.

Fido Fest

There is no happier place for me, than to be surrounded by dogs and the people who love them. We went to Fido Fest in Castle Rock last weekend and pet as many dogs as we could get our hands on. I purchased a double leash for Fletcher and Livvy and we watched the cutest dog contest, which included a beautiful pit bull with the best manners I have ever seen, being directed by a six year old girl. I have a special place in my heart for the breed. They are the most misunderstood and mistreated dog and it just breaks my heart. There are no bad dogs, only bad owners. Anyway, after we had enough of the Fest, we decided to pay a visit to the Dumb Friends League across the highway and donate some money and look at the dogs. Dylan fell in love with a puppy that we couldn't have for so many reasons. He stood there, in the middle of the dog enclosure, crying and hugging me. My only response was to cry with him and stroke his hair. If I could, I'd save them all. Poor little angels. People suck.

We came home and showered our three current canines with hugs and kisses and the promise to take care of them as best we can.

Casey-isms:
"You can tell which room is Dylan's because of the bump-head" (bunk bed)
"Mom, I bless you'd in the hall" (sneezed)
"Hey, wanna play 'sticker, sticker, what's your game?'" (wha??)

sad, sad display

I like to consider myself an athlete, at least a little bit, having run 8 half marathons, one full and countless 5K and 10K but this morning would beg to differ.

I decided that I would strap Casey on the back of my purple Wal-Mart bike and ride with Dylan to school. It's only about a mile, but boy what a mile. At the time I committed to this, I didn't realize the hills I would encounter. I went with a friend from around the corner who has four kids and is training for a triathlon. I'm not sure she's human. I asked her not to laugh at me (like my husband would) but that I'd give it a try.

I made it with one walking break on the way home. I am pale, sweaty and nauseous, like a first day Biggest Loser contestant. Dylan made it just fine and I am proud of our efforts to get a little exercise and fresh air and save a buck from riding the bus.

Unfortunately, I have to do it all again to pick him up from school.

Gymnastics

I have this son, who really has no interest in playing sports. He's wiry and energetic, so I know he's got some potential in there somewhere. I feel like we have tried it all and nothing has stuck. We have done soccer (3 times) football (2 times) baseball, ice skating, Tae Kwon Do (3 times) and signed him up for a 5K race which he never made it to. It is becoming increasingly frustrating. I just want the kid to find his "thing". Something he's pretty good at, and is willing to work at. I get chills seeing other kids succeed in sports and understand how proud his parents must feel.

Dylan will be nine in a few weeks and it is time for him to find his place, before everyone exceeds him (cause they've been doing it since they could walk).

Our latest experiment is gymnastics. We took him last night for a trial class. I watched as the boys who are good enough to compete were practicing. I was amazed at the strength and fludity of their moves. I was watching these kids practice so hard, over and over. They want to exceed, all on their own. That's all I want for D. To have something he gives a crap about. I don't even care if he's good, but for him to have the drive to practice would be enough. I love to run. I'm not fast, but I love to run. That's all.

Corey and I watched while the coach worked with him. That boy is a true beginner. We commented how he looked like a windsock, legs flailing about, no form whatsoever and tongue outside his lips to help him concentrate. He came off the floor sweaty and smiling. Mission accomplished, he starts next week. I know this is only the first session, but I honestly have not seen him so excited about a sport, ever. I am beaming with pride and hope. Let's hope it sticks.

crappy day... pleasant night

So, things have been all around crappy lately. Nothing really in particular; the end of summer, my flippin' stress fracture, worries about looking for a new job and money. You know, the usual.

Tonight has been lovely though. Well, lovely after the part where Dylan got in major trouble, sent to his room and lost Wii for three days. After dinner, sometimes the kids and I like to go for a walk. When things have finally cooled down and to waste a little time before the late summer bedtime. Tonight, it started to rain, but it didn't stop us. We popped some popcorn to take along in some old gift bags and threw on our rain jackets. It was heavenly. Then it poured and we headed home. Corey came to find us to see if we needed a ride. Silly man. He also made me take the umbrella which he knew I wouldn't use. I'm from Colorado. We don't use umbrellas. period.

When we got back home, we listened to rather loud music. The kids sitting on the kitchen counter and me folding laundry. Then Dylan moved to the couch to read SkyMall. I know, I know, but at least he's reading.

Anyway, a perfect summer night. As long as the kids don't screw it up by being obnoxious about going to bed, it will all end well.

&*%$# stress fracture

Stress fracture is back. I was just getting back into running and exercise, and it's back. This sucks. Not an easy way to lose weight when you can't burn any calories. I think I've decided to go ahead with the nipples ASAP since I'm out of commission anyway, exercise wise. I have been thinking about going smaller though before I get the nips done. My issue though is that if the base of the implant is the same size no matter what, then it does me no good, that would just make for flatter pancakes. I think I'll call my PA again. :)

Watching my calories very carefully. I can do this, I know I can.