oncologist

So, I saw an oncologist today. I didn't really feel the need, but my surgeon said I should... so I did. I arrived early as requested to do paperwork. My appointment was at 10:00. At 10:45, I'm still waiting. I finally went to the desk, in tears, and asked what was going on. I had conned my parents into watching my kids and knew that I had to get back to relieve them. I know the Dr. has much more sick people to attend to, but something about that place just really got to me. I saw 3 bald women. I didn't feel like I belonged and after sitting in that stupid conference room, I didn't feel like I mattered. I sat in the waiting room again and just cried. The energy in there is sad and draining.

Anyway, I finally met with her. The appointment lasted a whole 30 minutes, rather than the allotted hour and a half. She alluded to the fact that I didn't really need to be there (this is a good thing) and I told her I was just doing as instructed. The point is I'm cured and shouldn't have to go back, yippee!

It's been a really emotional week, in every facet of my life. Pre-menstrual plus pre-surgical is a dangerous combination. Don't fuck with me this week.

I swear I hit every red light on the way home. Every one. I also went to Toys R Us for some promised $3 Barbie. This apparently does not exist. Fine by me, I hate that place and am happy not to give them my money, all $3 of it.

On a good note, one thing on my drive home made me smile. A big ol dog with his head stuck out of the sun roof, love it. I came home to my ever giving parents, a grumpy son and my daughgter on her 3rd jelly sandwich. I also the yummiest lunch. I know I haven't had chicken in like 15 years, but I'm pretty sure this is what it tastes like.

Glad the sun is out, but still wishing my days away until Tuesday. I just can't do much until then.

Thank You... to everyone

for....

-taking care of my kids
-measuring out my medication
-cleaning my house and arranging for professional cleaning
-all the cards
-beautiful flowers
-well wishes and positive thoughts
-camisoles to borrow
-hugs at the bus stop
-meals delivered to my door
-chocolate
-tiny cupcakes
-doing all of the laundry
-lighting candles for my bath
-not complaining about one bit of this
-loving me, physically altered and all
-seeing me through the unbelieveably deep downs
-making me laugh

I feel so loved.