a sad day

So, anyone who knows me knows how much I love animals. I mean love love. I know I'm wired differently, and I'm ok with that. I like animals more than people. Sure, I love my people, but give me a stranger and an animal, it's a toss up. I've seen the evil people are capable of. Animals are not.

Anyway, Friday was especially tragic and was a real live nightmare for me. We hit a deer coming home from my parent's cabin after cutting down our Christmas tree. We were going down the dirt road outside of Larkspur as we had hundreds of times. We usually spot deer on our drive, but this time, both Corey and I turned for a split second to admire a cabin we'd like and when I turned around, there it was. A beautiful young buck, inches from the front of our truck, trying to cross the road. I immediately closed my eyes and curled in the fetal position, not believing what was happening. There was no time for brakes. We hit it. Luckily the kids were looking down messing with their music and felt the bump. They are wired much like me and I fear how that would have affected them had they seen it. Dylan kept saying, "what's wrong with mom?" as I sobbed. We turned the truck around and parked so we could assess the damage, both to the deer and the truck (which I didn't care about).

Corey and I got out of the truck and began walking back down the road. I didn't see the deer and naively hoped he had hopped on, that we didn't hit it that hard. Corey walked back to the truck to get to the kids and I kept walking the side of the road. Then I saw it, lying in the ditch. I crumpled. I kept getting closer, hoping to see it not breathing. But damn, it was breathing. I crept closer as my instinct was to to hug it and pet it and tell it everything is going to be ok. I stopped cause I didn't want to scare the poor thing. He lifted his head and I just stayed there, bent over bawling. Corey motioned me back to the truck. Now what?! We were both distraught. We knew the animal needed to be put down out of it's misery. We figured, this is Larkspur, surely most people around here hunt. And so began our search for someone to humanly end it's life. We ended up at the fire station and called the sheriff from there. She didn't know how long before someone could come out so we stopped at the gas station. Luckily, we found a hunter. Corey pleaded with him to go back and put the poor deer out of his misery. He agreed and we felt better, just a little.

We ended up going back to meet the deputy at the scene. I stayed in the truck while Corey and the officer went up to the deer. He had expired on his own in those 30 minutes. Corey knelt down next to the deer, pet it and told him he was sorry. He wondered if the officer had ever seen someone apologize to a deer.

The rest of the day was pretty dismal. Corey was surprised how hard it was on him. I know that being with me for 12 years has a lot to do with that. My son drew me a picture, both my kids knew how hard I was taking this. The picture was the truck, Corey and the deer with Corey saying "I'm sorry" and the deer says "It's ok". I hugged him tight and said "you really get me, don't you." He said yes, and he does. I love that boy. He was worried about telling his friend Hadley. He said she'll probably be as upset as me. Hadley loves animals like I do and I wish she were mine. Casey made me a princess flag by taping a picture she drew to a marker. I'm glad she didn't fully understand what happened.

The officer said that if the hunter showed up, he could have the meat and if not, it would be processed and given to the shelter. At least there is some use of a tragedy.

I'm sorry sweet deer. Rest in peace.