So, I took my car into the shop yesterday for an oil change and a "by the way, there's a leak, can you check it?" Much to my dismay, they found 3 leaks totaling $992 to fix. I opted to fix one leak. I choose to ignore the rest. They gave me a rental for the night, which was great, but boy does my car seem like a pit compared this one. I was mortified when they got Casey's car seat out for me and the amount of "junk" that proceeded to fall from it as he lifted it out. Ew. This rental has a plug for my ipod and it's immaculate. I was secretly hoping the car place would accidentally drop my car from the lift and buy me a new one (ha!) No such luck, my car is ready and waiting.
As I was driving into work today, I looked back and noticed an empty sushi container on the floorboard of this rental. Not mine. Some asshole must have been walking by my house and decided to use the backseat of this car as a trashcan. I'm pissed. No harm done, but I feel disrespected. Damn teenagers. Or at least that's what I'm guessing. Who the fuck are these people?
Anyway, I am on a quest to clean my car really well as soon as it's not so flippin cold. Of course my first inkling was to just go buy a new one. Not smart Beth, not smart.
On a positive note, met my friend who is going through chemo for lunch while they tended to my car. She is doing really well and I had soy cheese pizza at Big Bill's. Not bad. The vegan journey is going well. I'm no longer eating any obvious animal products, just those packed into some foods at the bottom of the ingredient list.
Oh, and my right hand is cold non-stop while I'm working and goes numb from time to time on the mouse and I have to stop and shake it out. WTF? Hoping it's a winter thing and will go away with warmer weather. Maybe this is why my handwriting sucks!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Grandma Jane
My grandmother, mom's mom, is 96 and not doing well. Latest is that she has lung cancer. I could probably say quite bluntly that she's dying, but I won't. I don't know that she is, but I have to think that at 96, not much is going to get better. It's sad but I am so far removed from her that it's almost like someone is telling me a story of someone I don't know. It's not a bad relationship, on any level, I just don't know her very well and haven't seen her in 5 years I suppose.
I grew up seeing my grandparents only every 2-3 years. We'd talk on the phone, but it was always trite. "How's the weather?" "Did you have a nice Christmas?" Small talk, forced upon me by my parents saying that grandma was on the phone, come talk to her.
When I did see my grandparents though, it was always wonderful. This grandma lived in a gorgeous old house in the cutest suburb of Minneapolis, called Edina. As a child, I always swore I'd grow up and live in that wonderful house on Casco Ave. My mom was the oldest of six and we always marveled at the little rooms they all shared, and especially the small dark hot attic with the tiny hallway where the boys lived, 3 of them. My grandfather was strict and grandma always took up for us. She'd let us scoop vegetables from our plate to hers when his head was turned. I remember blueberries with heavy cream for breakfast on the creaky, screened in back porch. I remember grandma getting up at 5:00am and baking cookies with her knit scarf on- She hadn't had hair for as long as I could remember due to psoriasis. She used to go walking every morning around Lake Harriet which was 3 miles. She amazes me. When we would visit, we'd all suit up for the walk-which was just lovely and ended with popcorn with real butter at the stand on the lake.
She had breast cancer and a mastectomy at some point, then years later another mastectomy. Her husband, my grandfather, died about 10 years ago. He had Alzheimer's. After he died, mom showed me some poetry grandma had written. About her husband, her kids, her life. I had no idea. It gave her depth, more than we give people credit for.
She's been living near family in Seattle now in a home. Things are getting worse. She has taken many falls and doesn't remember much about who is who these days. Mom came over last week announcing that she needs pictures of my kids, right now, to send to Grandma. So sad. I'm more sad for my mom. I'm not ready for her to lose her mom. For me, I'm losing a great person, who I saw from time to time and who loved me very much. But like I said, it's distant. I wish her peace. I know this blog is one big babble, but I felt the need to remember her and not let her death go by without really giving her memories their due time.
It just dawned on me that she's never met Casey. Oh, this is too much...
I grew up seeing my grandparents only every 2-3 years. We'd talk on the phone, but it was always trite. "How's the weather?" "Did you have a nice Christmas?" Small talk, forced upon me by my parents saying that grandma was on the phone, come talk to her.
When I did see my grandparents though, it was always wonderful. This grandma lived in a gorgeous old house in the cutest suburb of Minneapolis, called Edina. As a child, I always swore I'd grow up and live in that wonderful house on Casco Ave. My mom was the oldest of six and we always marveled at the little rooms they all shared, and especially the small dark hot attic with the tiny hallway where the boys lived, 3 of them. My grandfather was strict and grandma always took up for us. She'd let us scoop vegetables from our plate to hers when his head was turned. I remember blueberries with heavy cream for breakfast on the creaky, screened in back porch. I remember grandma getting up at 5:00am and baking cookies with her knit scarf on- She hadn't had hair for as long as I could remember due to psoriasis. She used to go walking every morning around Lake Harriet which was 3 miles. She amazes me. When we would visit, we'd all suit up for the walk-which was just lovely and ended with popcorn with real butter at the stand on the lake.
She had breast cancer and a mastectomy at some point, then years later another mastectomy. Her husband, my grandfather, died about 10 years ago. He had Alzheimer's. After he died, mom showed me some poetry grandma had written. About her husband, her kids, her life. I had no idea. It gave her depth, more than we give people credit for.
She's been living near family in Seattle now in a home. Things are getting worse. She has taken many falls and doesn't remember much about who is who these days. Mom came over last week announcing that she needs pictures of my kids, right now, to send to Grandma. So sad. I'm more sad for my mom. I'm not ready for her to lose her mom. For me, I'm losing a great person, who I saw from time to time and who loved me very much. But like I said, it's distant. I wish her peace. I know this blog is one big babble, but I felt the need to remember her and not let her death go by without really giving her memories their due time.
It just dawned on me that she's never met Casey. Oh, this is too much...
Monday, February 8, 2010
cooking update
Just a quick note on my cooking adventures. It's going well. I think I made dinner something like 4 nights last week, like real dinners, nothing frozen to oven involved. I try to include the kids in the preparation and have set new rules for dinner that they seem to be following. They have to try a bite of the new food. If they don't like it they can make a sandwich, but if they choose to do that, then no dessert. My kids are motivated by dessert (wonder where they get that). It's funny though because dessert usually consists of 3-5 jelly beans. So far I made sloppy joes (vegetarian for me and the kids) chicken casserole, baked spaghetti and something else I can't remember. I even stir fried some vegetables to go with it when my usual MO is to open a can. Casey loved the sloppy joe and Dylan likes edamame. Who knew? I feel very good about my progress.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
The Universe
I wanted to start first with my 8 mile run today! whoo hoo. I ran the trek to Daniels Park and back. It's a very scenic run with lots of open space and if you're lucky, buffalo. It's basically 4 miles uphill and 4 miles downhill. I stopped twice on the way up; once at the top of the first incredibly steep hill, and another to admire and talk to the buffalo. I managed to average an 11 minute per mile pace, which is about as fast as I've ever been able to run it.
I do a lot of thinking on my runs. Today was mostly my vegan musings. I often think the universe is speaking to me, or at least in tune with my thoughts and energy. During my 1 1/2 hour run, Moby came on three times. That rarely happens, that the same artist will come on that much, and almost right in a row. Moby is a vegan. That was followed by Jack Johnson singing "Where'd All the Good People Go" and U2's "Trying to Throw Your Arms Around the World." Maybe it's my imagination, and maybe I'm stretching it, but I most definitely think at times it's true.
Just last week, I took Fletcher out for a run in the early morning, and noticed the moon. It was a half moon and in a totally different place, a different size, and different shape than it had been just a night ago. I wondered aloud how that happens. So, I go on to work, my boss sits down and starts speaking to me about the phases of the moon. Weird, huh? I had to interrupt him to tell him how weird and magical that was.
Here is my favorite Universe story. Believe it if you will. Years ago, I worked retail selling cell phones. You know the big huge ones that came in briefcases and we called them "car phones". Anyway, I wasn't very good with the customers. Yes, I was one of those bratty sales girls who acts like you are totally bothering me and I have so many important things to do, rather than help you. I would much rather sit around and gab with my friends. Anyway, I started my usual "Um, did you need some help?" with this older lady. She looked me in the eye. Instantly I saw my grandmother in her, who I hadn't seen in at least a few years. Her sparkling blue eyes, and sweet sweet face. My wonderful grandmother. My attitude changed and I was chilled from the connection I felt. It was a short visit, and I don't even know if she bought anything but she left me with a warm feeling. I got a call from my dad later that week, my grandmother had died.
I've got more, but won't bore you with them. It's just to remind myself of the magic there is in the universe if you're still enough to listen.
I do a lot of thinking on my runs. Today was mostly my vegan musings. I often think the universe is speaking to me, or at least in tune with my thoughts and energy. During my 1 1/2 hour run, Moby came on three times. That rarely happens, that the same artist will come on that much, and almost right in a row. Moby is a vegan. That was followed by Jack Johnson singing "Where'd All the Good People Go" and U2's "Trying to Throw Your Arms Around the World." Maybe it's my imagination, and maybe I'm stretching it, but I most definitely think at times it's true.
Just last week, I took Fletcher out for a run in the early morning, and noticed the moon. It was a half moon and in a totally different place, a different size, and different shape than it had been just a night ago. I wondered aloud how that happens. So, I go on to work, my boss sits down and starts speaking to me about the phases of the moon. Weird, huh? I had to interrupt him to tell him how weird and magical that was.
Here is my favorite Universe story. Believe it if you will. Years ago, I worked retail selling cell phones. You know the big huge ones that came in briefcases and we called them "car phones". Anyway, I wasn't very good with the customers. Yes, I was one of those bratty sales girls who acts like you are totally bothering me and I have so many important things to do, rather than help you. I would much rather sit around and gab with my friends. Anyway, I started my usual "Um, did you need some help?" with this older lady. She looked me in the eye. Instantly I saw my grandmother in her, who I hadn't seen in at least a few years. Her sparkling blue eyes, and sweet sweet face. My wonderful grandmother. My attitude changed and I was chilled from the connection I felt. It was a short visit, and I don't even know if she bought anything but she left me with a warm feeling. I got a call from my dad later that week, my grandmother had died.
I've got more, but won't bore you with them. It's just to remind myself of the magic there is in the universe if you're still enough to listen.
vegan-ish
I have been a vegetarian for about 18 years. People always ask me why. Well, I guess it started right before I graduated from college. I found out I had high cholesterol, so I gave up red meat. It seemed to compliment my love for animals, so I just did it. As years passed, I became more and more strict about my vegetarianism and gave up chicken and turkey years later. The more I knew, the more I felt I was doing the right thing for me, my health and my values. I am past eating meat and never feel the desire to consume it again.
This brings us to today. As I've stated before, I'm on a quest to become healthier. I think overall I'm pretty good. I generally don't eat white bread, pasta, or rice. My problems stem from my love of sugar (chocolate or cake to be exact) and cheese. I am reading Skinny Bitch about being healthier. The authors are vegan, which is something I've mentally thought about many many times. I am going to try to adopt a more vegan lifestyle. I don't know if I can do it totally, but it's worth exploring. They also say to give up refined sugar, coffee and alcohol (except red wine). Sorry, but my coffee will remain part of my diet, as will alcohol, and as far as sugar is concerned, I can sure try some sugar alternatives and can most definitely cut down. At least with those vices, I know no animals were harmed in the making of these delicious products. I had to skip the chapter where people who work in slaughterhouses were interviewed. I already know too much and it literally haunts me, keeps me up at night. Like Linda McCartney said "If slaughterhouses had glass walls, we'd all be vegetarian."
So that's where I stand today. Step #1 is to give up cheese and take it from there. Off to Whole Foods to find some substitutes and re-confirm my decision. When I think about how we exploit animals, I get completely overwhelmed. I think there are some people who just don't care, and some who just don't know. I'm not judging, I'm just saying... My family eats meat, hell-I cook it for them! Part of this quest will involve choosing better meats for them and incorporating more vegetarian dishes. I think about how can one little person make a difference and I am frequently discouraged. But then I remember this: I have a favorite saying that I saw on the lid of an instant soup container years ago. It was a story about a little boy walking down the beach when hundreds of sea horses were washed ashore and lay in the sand, dying. He started to pick them up one by one and throw them back in. A man walks by and says "Son, that's not going to make a difference" to which the boy replied "To that seahorse it will". So, there you have it. Wish me luck.
This brings us to today. As I've stated before, I'm on a quest to become healthier. I think overall I'm pretty good. I generally don't eat white bread, pasta, or rice. My problems stem from my love of sugar (chocolate or cake to be exact) and cheese. I am reading Skinny Bitch about being healthier. The authors are vegan, which is something I've mentally thought about many many times. I am going to try to adopt a more vegan lifestyle. I don't know if I can do it totally, but it's worth exploring. They also say to give up refined sugar, coffee and alcohol (except red wine). Sorry, but my coffee will remain part of my diet, as will alcohol, and as far as sugar is concerned, I can sure try some sugar alternatives and can most definitely cut down. At least with those vices, I know no animals were harmed in the making of these delicious products. I had to skip the chapter where people who work in slaughterhouses were interviewed. I already know too much and it literally haunts me, keeps me up at night. Like Linda McCartney said "If slaughterhouses had glass walls, we'd all be vegetarian."
So that's where I stand today. Step #1 is to give up cheese and take it from there. Off to Whole Foods to find some substitutes and re-confirm my decision. When I think about how we exploit animals, I get completely overwhelmed. I think there are some people who just don't care, and some who just don't know. I'm not judging, I'm just saying... My family eats meat, hell-I cook it for them! Part of this quest will involve choosing better meats for them and incorporating more vegetarian dishes. I think about how can one little person make a difference and I am frequently discouraged. But then I remember this: I have a favorite saying that I saw on the lid of an instant soup container years ago. It was a story about a little boy walking down the beach when hundreds of sea horses were washed ashore and lay in the sand, dying. He started to pick them up one by one and throw them back in. A man walks by and says "Son, that's not going to make a difference" to which the boy replied "To that seahorse it will". So, there you have it. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
For the love of food
I have been thinking about food, a lot. I think it started with my obsession over these few pounds and I've been taking a good hard look at my relationship with food. Something has got to change. Surely food is more than calories, right? Right now my thoughts on eating involve calories, whether I should or shouldn't eat it, and when I can eat something again. I don't take the time to enjoy what I eat and I don't believe inhaling chocolate covered almonds at the speed of light counts. That's just pure gluttony and bingeing. Yuck.
Every night when 5:00 rolls around I feel like I'm going to cry. The stress of cooking something my family will eat is overwhelming. Then it becomes the question of chicken nuggets or mac n cheese. Gross. I can't believe I am "that mom". When Dylan was a baby, he had allergies to milk, eggs and peanuts. Because of this, his choices were limited, but also extremely healthy. He ate whole grain waffles with tahini every morning and tons of plain soy yogurt. I try to remember where I went wrong. I think it happened when we were struggling with getting him to try new foods and I remember thinking. "Hey, every kid likes chicken nuggets, let's try that" The rest is history and continues to be my nemesis, daily.
I knew that I needed a healthier lifestyle, but it finally dawned on me to do it for my family too. I have decided to cook. That's the only way this will happen. I am also trying to change my relationship with food to a more forgiving, loving one. I know people who really appreciate their meals, who see the beauty of food. I have a friend who posts pictures of her beautifully made dinners on facebook, or who will state how she can't wait to pick a warm, fresh tomato for a sandwich for lunch. I love that she experiences it that way. She is healthy and fit and loves food, go figure.
I am on the quest for healthy eating that I appreciate, not just count or eat too much of. I am toying with veganism part time. I need an overhaul, plain and simple.
Monday, January 25, 2010
chocolate and such
Just a quick note to say that things are going well. slow and steady progress, finally! Ran 6 miles Saturday at a decent pace. Not my fastest, but not as slow as I was a few weeks ago so I think I can officially say I'm back within range of where I was. A few more pounds, but really the good news is that I feel better. I feel less "chunky" and I actually saw a muscle in my thigh, which was nice, I've missed them so.
I bought Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred video. Not sure why given that I suck at working out to videos at home. I guess it's cause I'm a bit obsessed with her. I want her rack too, by the way. I plan on trying it tomorrow. Deal is, you're supposed to do it every day. It's only 20 minutes, but that's just not going to happen. Running comes first, then maybe a day or 2 of this. I am happy with how consistent I've been working out. It fits into my life and feels good.
Now for the diet. Hmmm. Calories are good and within my limits (thanks to working out), but what they're comprised of is nothing to be proud of. Being a vegetarian, I watch my protein. That's it, I watch it and notice that it's not enough. I also watch my fat. Watch the fact that it takes up a large percentage of my calories, thanks to the chocolate. The damn chocolate. Well, at least part of the time, it's wrapped around a nutritious almond.
I supppose I could cut down on the chocolate. There is a little treasure chest of chocolates at work. Hershey Nuggets to be exact. Sometimes I just sit there and eat them one after the other. Sometimes I take the wrappers home so no one will see how many I ate. I'm a train wreck. You know, like you're on a TV show to get help and they show you and how absolutely pathetic you are on a secret video they've taken and you're all like "I had no idea I was such a loser". Only I have watched the tape in my head, I don't need a show.
Oh well. I have managed to ration 4 chocolates for the days I work. Maybe I'll cut that down to 3 or even 2 over time. Baby steps...
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