What's on is my quest to be fit again. Let me first say that this is the first time in history where no weight was gained on vacation. I'm in shock. I've even made my kids get on the scale to make sure it's accurate. I think being vegan in the South helped a bit with this one. No cookies my skinny sister in law made, no ice cream at the beach (which I truly missed, as an experience), no real entrees except veggie burgers and vegetables. My mother in law was so sweet to cater to my restrictions. Instead of using butter to cook her vegetables, she used Crisco. Thank you (I think).
Anyway, so yesterday, my son Dylan looks at me as I'm waving my arm and points to it and giggles and says "jiggle jiggle". If that's not a hint that I need to exercise... I can't even repeat what he said about my thighs. I'm still trying to erase that one from my memory.
My foot is better and I have been back to running, ever so slowly. I don't want to risk re-injury. I'm only up to 2 miles and am going for 3 this weekend. I am just so damn happy to be running again. I actually smile when I know it's a running morning. I took my two insanely crazy dogs running this morning. It used to be just Fletcher, but Livvy has caught on and I can't look at her face and not take her too. I know we look like a circus act running down the street. This is how my morning goes: 5:30-6:00am, my big dog rams the side of the bed and nudges my hand with his wet nose until I get up. Both he and Livvy race down the stairs and are literally underfoot as I get my running clothes on. Fletcher runs around with one sock or the other in his mouth until I yank it from his mouth and put the wet thing on. Then we head out. It's nutty, but it makes me smile to see them both so happy.
So, I'm on the quest to finally lose 4 pounds and tighten up. This is it. No more excuses.
On the boob front, they seem to be getting lower, like the whole thing is slipping. I know my PA thinks I've lost it and let me schedule a pity appointment. We'll see what they say. She did say Dr. B could fix it at my nipple construction.
Happy Summer!
Showing posts with label weight battle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight battle. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
grumpy pants
I'm not entirely sure what's up with me lately, but I've been in a funk. For weeks. I'm not unhappy, but not entirely jubilant either and it's driving me crazy. I'm sure I'm just in a downward spiral and that negativity begets negativity, but haven't had the energy to dig out. The purpose of this blog is to getit out there and MOVE ON. I can't live like this. My patience is beyond zero with the kids and I hear way too many mean and sarcastic remarks coming out of my mouth, and then get overly angry when I hear the same ones out of Dylan's mouth toward his sister. Ugh. I know I did this and I know it has to stop.
Boobs are ok. Too big, but what are ya gonna do?? I'll get used to them, these grapefruits stuck on the front of my ribs. They don't stick out too far, but are rather wide and oh so round. People keep saying I look great, but they don't feel right. They don't even fit in my hands. My real ones used to. It's like I'm palming a basketball.
One more week until my restrictions are lifted. Not that I've paid them any mind anyway. I didn't want to put the burden on Corey for all the housework. I also secretly feared nothing would get done. No ill will to Corey, he's just too busy and stressed to have one more thing on his plate either. I haven't lifted Casey or vacuumed or done the laundry, but everything else was fair game. I can run again next week, or at least try to. I have to think that part of this mood is caused by lack of exercise. I sure hope so.
I've stopped counting calories which is wonderful. I've lost pounds and am at my weight from last year, just where I want to be. Thank you vegan diet. I don't worry about what I eat. Is it vegan? Then I eat it. Not vegan? I don't. Plain and simple and it does the trick. Finally. I am still working on more vegetables, less sugar, but I'm making huge strides and feel good. I seriously cannot wait to run and exercise again. I feel soft.
Work has sucked lately. See, I get a whole $12 an hour to answer phones that don't ring. It pays for Casey's school and gives me just a little to bring home. Of course that's assuming my kids aren't sick and I haven't had to miss work. I also get research, which pays $40 an hour. I took the job because of the research. Problem is, there hasn't been any research since January and it's killing me. We got a tax refund, but that went straight to a new couch. Research better come soon, or I hardly think it's a job worth keeping. Corey's frustrated with his job and we've been questioning our purpose. If that's not stressful, I don't know what is. I don't handle change or a shift in routine very well.
There, done with my bitching. I have nothing to complain about.
Dylan made me an early mother's day card today and left it where I'd find it. He's such a sweetheart sometimes. Made my day. He must have known that I needed it.
Boobs are ok. Too big, but what are ya gonna do?? I'll get used to them, these grapefruits stuck on the front of my ribs. They don't stick out too far, but are rather wide and oh so round. People keep saying I look great, but they don't feel right. They don't even fit in my hands. My real ones used to. It's like I'm palming a basketball.
One more week until my restrictions are lifted. Not that I've paid them any mind anyway. I didn't want to put the burden on Corey for all the housework. I also secretly feared nothing would get done. No ill will to Corey, he's just too busy and stressed to have one more thing on his plate either. I haven't lifted Casey or vacuumed or done the laundry, but everything else was fair game. I can run again next week, or at least try to. I have to think that part of this mood is caused by lack of exercise. I sure hope so.
I've stopped counting calories which is wonderful. I've lost pounds and am at my weight from last year, just where I want to be. Thank you vegan diet. I don't worry about what I eat. Is it vegan? Then I eat it. Not vegan? I don't. Plain and simple and it does the trick. Finally. I am still working on more vegetables, less sugar, but I'm making huge strides and feel good. I seriously cannot wait to run and exercise again. I feel soft.
Work has sucked lately. See, I get a whole $12 an hour to answer phones that don't ring. It pays for Casey's school and gives me just a little to bring home. Of course that's assuming my kids aren't sick and I haven't had to miss work. I also get research, which pays $40 an hour. I took the job because of the research. Problem is, there hasn't been any research since January and it's killing me. We got a tax refund, but that went straight to a new couch. Research better come soon, or I hardly think it's a job worth keeping. Corey's frustrated with his job and we've been questioning our purpose. If that's not stressful, I don't know what is. I don't handle change or a shift in routine very well.
There, done with my bitching. I have nothing to complain about.
Dylan made me an early mother's day card today and left it where I'd find it. He's such a sweetheart sometimes. Made my day. He must have known that I needed it.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
vegan-ish
I have been a vegetarian for about 18 years. People always ask me why. Well, I guess it started right before I graduated from college. I found out I had high cholesterol, so I gave up red meat. It seemed to compliment my love for animals, so I just did it. As years passed, I became more and more strict about my vegetarianism and gave up chicken and turkey years later. The more I knew, the more I felt I was doing the right thing for me, my health and my values. I am past eating meat and never feel the desire to consume it again.
This brings us to today. As I've stated before, I'm on a quest to become healthier. I think overall I'm pretty good. I generally don't eat white bread, pasta, or rice. My problems stem from my love of sugar (chocolate or cake to be exact) and cheese. I am reading Skinny Bitch about being healthier. The authors are vegan, which is something I've mentally thought about many many times. I am going to try to adopt a more vegan lifestyle. I don't know if I can do it totally, but it's worth exploring. They also say to give up refined sugar, coffee and alcohol (except red wine). Sorry, but my coffee will remain part of my diet, as will alcohol, and as far as sugar is concerned, I can sure try some sugar alternatives and can most definitely cut down. At least with those vices, I know no animals were harmed in the making of these delicious products. I had to skip the chapter where people who work in slaughterhouses were interviewed. I already know too much and it literally haunts me, keeps me up at night. Like Linda McCartney said "If slaughterhouses had glass walls, we'd all be vegetarian."
So that's where I stand today. Step #1 is to give up cheese and take it from there. Off to Whole Foods to find some substitutes and re-confirm my decision. When I think about how we exploit animals, I get completely overwhelmed. I think there are some people who just don't care, and some who just don't know. I'm not judging, I'm just saying... My family eats meat, hell-I cook it for them! Part of this quest will involve choosing better meats for them and incorporating more vegetarian dishes. I think about how can one little person make a difference and I am frequently discouraged. But then I remember this: I have a favorite saying that I saw on the lid of an instant soup container years ago. It was a story about a little boy walking down the beach when hundreds of sea horses were washed ashore and lay in the sand, dying. He started to pick them up one by one and throw them back in. A man walks by and says "Son, that's not going to make a difference" to which the boy replied "To that seahorse it will". So, there you have it. Wish me luck.
This brings us to today. As I've stated before, I'm on a quest to become healthier. I think overall I'm pretty good. I generally don't eat white bread, pasta, or rice. My problems stem from my love of sugar (chocolate or cake to be exact) and cheese. I am reading Skinny Bitch about being healthier. The authors are vegan, which is something I've mentally thought about many many times. I am going to try to adopt a more vegan lifestyle. I don't know if I can do it totally, but it's worth exploring. They also say to give up refined sugar, coffee and alcohol (except red wine). Sorry, but my coffee will remain part of my diet, as will alcohol, and as far as sugar is concerned, I can sure try some sugar alternatives and can most definitely cut down. At least with those vices, I know no animals were harmed in the making of these delicious products. I had to skip the chapter where people who work in slaughterhouses were interviewed. I already know too much and it literally haunts me, keeps me up at night. Like Linda McCartney said "If slaughterhouses had glass walls, we'd all be vegetarian."
So that's where I stand today. Step #1 is to give up cheese and take it from there. Off to Whole Foods to find some substitutes and re-confirm my decision. When I think about how we exploit animals, I get completely overwhelmed. I think there are some people who just don't care, and some who just don't know. I'm not judging, I'm just saying... My family eats meat, hell-I cook it for them! Part of this quest will involve choosing better meats for them and incorporating more vegetarian dishes. I think about how can one little person make a difference and I am frequently discouraged. But then I remember this: I have a favorite saying that I saw on the lid of an instant soup container years ago. It was a story about a little boy walking down the beach when hundreds of sea horses were washed ashore and lay in the sand, dying. He started to pick them up one by one and throw them back in. A man walks by and says "Son, that's not going to make a difference" to which the boy replied "To that seahorse it will". So, there you have it. Wish me luck.
Monday, January 25, 2010
chocolate and such
Just a quick note to say that things are going well. slow and steady progress, finally! Ran 6 miles Saturday at a decent pace. Not my fastest, but not as slow as I was a few weeks ago so I think I can officially say I'm back within range of where I was. A few more pounds, but really the good news is that I feel better. I feel less "chunky" and I actually saw a muscle in my thigh, which was nice, I've missed them so.
I bought Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred video. Not sure why given that I suck at working out to videos at home. I guess it's cause I'm a bit obsessed with her. I want her rack too, by the way. I plan on trying it tomorrow. Deal is, you're supposed to do it every day. It's only 20 minutes, but that's just not going to happen. Running comes first, then maybe a day or 2 of this. I am happy with how consistent I've been working out. It fits into my life and feels good.
Now for the diet. Hmmm. Calories are good and within my limits (thanks to working out), but what they're comprised of is nothing to be proud of. Being a vegetarian, I watch my protein. That's it, I watch it and notice that it's not enough. I also watch my fat. Watch the fact that it takes up a large percentage of my calories, thanks to the chocolate. The damn chocolate. Well, at least part of the time, it's wrapped around a nutritious almond.
I supppose I could cut down on the chocolate. There is a little treasure chest of chocolates at work. Hershey Nuggets to be exact. Sometimes I just sit there and eat them one after the other. Sometimes I take the wrappers home so no one will see how many I ate. I'm a train wreck. You know, like you're on a TV show to get help and they show you and how absolutely pathetic you are on a secret video they've taken and you're all like "I had no idea I was such a loser". Only I have watched the tape in my head, I don't need a show.
Oh well. I have managed to ration 4 chocolates for the days I work. Maybe I'll cut that down to 3 or even 2 over time. Baby steps...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
why do I bother??
Let me just say that I am pretty pissy today. I have been soooo good; staying in my calories, running almost every day, and yet the weight is up, yet again. I just want to cry. Each day I wake up thinking today my weight will reflect my hard work, even just a little. A couple of days ago, my weight was actually down 1/2 a pound. That's all I need to keep me going, just a little ray of hope that what I'm doing will pay off, even slowly. But then yesterday and today, the weight has topped out where I was when I started. Let's hope my period is to blame for some of this poundage. I'm giving it 5 days to even out, then I guess I'll try something new. ARRRGGH! Frustrated does not begin to cover it.
On a good note (like it matters), I ran 5 miles Sunday. My farthest run since I quit running before surgery. It wasn't too bad and I averaged 10:58 per mile. This included a stop to clean up after Fletcher, 2 stoplights, and 2 other dog aversions. So, we're getting there. I think I ran something like 19 miles last week. I ran 2 yesterday at 10:30 pace, so even closer and plan to run 2 more today.
I do think I'll have to walk some of the 10 mile race I signed up for. I read an article about getting back to running after a set back and it suggests not signing up for any races, and if you do, pay no attention to your time and don't compare it to previous races. That's what I plan to do. I know that I can't really expect to be back until after my final surgery.
I'll keep truding along and keep my chin up. I know I'm doing all the right things.
So Corey just said to me "I'm frustrated too, cause my pants don't fit either". Ummm, his are too big. Not fair.
On a good note (like it matters), I ran 5 miles Sunday. My farthest run since I quit running before surgery. It wasn't too bad and I averaged 10:58 per mile. This included a stop to clean up after Fletcher, 2 stoplights, and 2 other dog aversions. So, we're getting there. I think I ran something like 19 miles last week. I ran 2 yesterday at 10:30 pace, so even closer and plan to run 2 more today.
I do think I'll have to walk some of the 10 mile race I signed up for. I read an article about getting back to running after a set back and it suggests not signing up for any races, and if you do, pay no attention to your time and don't compare it to previous races. That's what I plan to do. I know that I can't really expect to be back until after my final surgery.
I'll keep truding along and keep my chin up. I know I'm doing all the right things.
So Corey just said to me "I'm frustrated too, cause my pants don't fit either". Ummm, his are too big. Not fair.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Plus one, minus two
So, the scale finally reflects 2 pounds lost. whew. 4 more to go. I haven't checked in with the Wii fit to get her perspective, but not sure I want to. Just in case she's off. I know, I know, 4 sounds so small compared to someone with larger weight issues (like on the Biggest Loser), but for me it is the difference in my clothes fitting, in my belly bulge, in my confidence.
Ran one mile this morning. I know right now you're thinking, "Wow, Beth a WHOLE mile, just a short EIGHT weeks post surgery, what a superstar". Well, thing was I got up late. It's all I had time for, so I grabbed Fletcher and took off. Since it was only one mile, my pace was very close to my pace pre-life changing ordeal. I feel good. Had a great day yesterday calorie wise and doing ok so far today, minus the ever present chocolates at work-arrrgghhh and yum!
I was sitting there today conversing with my boss and it seems many many times I feel like I have boobs. This fantasy would of course be shattered if I was to touch them in any way, but point is, they don't hurt and don't feel weird. Sleeping still sucks and some reaching, but it's good to know that overall, I can feel normal. They look pretty cute in a shirt too, if you look past the overachieving right side, which is a bit higher.
Looking forward to beer tonight if I can keep my calories in check.
E is in for her final implant surgery today! I get to keep her fabulous daughter after school and can't wait to see E after all of this. She's the superstar.
Ran one mile this morning. I know right now you're thinking, "Wow, Beth a WHOLE mile, just a short EIGHT weeks post surgery, what a superstar". Well, thing was I got up late. It's all I had time for, so I grabbed Fletcher and took off. Since it was only one mile, my pace was very close to my pace pre-life changing ordeal. I feel good. Had a great day yesterday calorie wise and doing ok so far today, minus the ever present chocolates at work-arrrgghhh and yum!
I was sitting there today conversing with my boss and it seems many many times I feel like I have boobs. This fantasy would of course be shattered if I was to touch them in any way, but point is, they don't hurt and don't feel weird. Sleeping still sucks and some reaching, but it's good to know that overall, I can feel normal. They look pretty cute in a shirt too, if you look past the overachieving right side, which is a bit higher.
Looking forward to beer tonight if I can keep my calories in check.
E is in for her final implant surgery today! I get to keep her fabulous daughter after school and can't wait to see E after all of this. She's the superstar.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
ugh
OK, I feel the need to post today, just to keep me in line with this weight thing. Stupid Wii Fit bitch says I'm up like 1.5 pounds. I don't doubt it. I have been pretty good but went out with girlfriends last night. I had like 150 calories left and I planned on a glass of wine and maybe a snack (went to a tapas place, so I thought that was doable). I did only have one expensive glass of wine and then proceeded to eat the whole flat bread pizza cause no one else was. I know part of the weight is just the sodium and from eating so late.
I saw my running buddy this morning. She's running the Colorado Marathon again. I'm sad. I'm sad that I can't do it but am extremely happy for her and would love to go to Fort Collins and cheer for her. Maybe I can drag E up there for a girls night and we'll see J run in the morning. After that, I have decided to run the Snowman Stampede 10 mile, not the 5 mile. I'm so sick and tired of performing under par. Screw it, I can do this! Corey ran 3 with Fletcher this morning and came back all glowy and sweaty.
So, let's look at the positives. I got up again this morning and did my Wii Fit. Casey has a gym class this morning and I plan on heading over to the rec center for some elliptical, or maybe just a run near her gym.
I feel like I've got a one track mind and really would like to post about other than my weight, but that's what's over-shadowing me right now.
I saw my running buddy this morning. She's running the Colorado Marathon again. I'm sad. I'm sad that I can't do it but am extremely happy for her and would love to go to Fort Collins and cheer for her. Maybe I can drag E up there for a girls night and we'll see J run in the morning. After that, I have decided to run the Snowman Stampede 10 mile, not the 5 mile. I'm so sick and tired of performing under par. Screw it, I can do this! Corey ran 3 with Fletcher this morning and came back all glowy and sweaty.
So, let's look at the positives. I got up again this morning and did my Wii Fit. Casey has a gym class this morning and I plan on heading over to the rec center for some elliptical, or maybe just a run near her gym.
I feel like I've got a one track mind and really would like to post about other than my weight, but that's what's over-shadowing me right now.
Monday, January 4, 2010
routine
Ah, how I love routine. Today is back to work and back to school and back to sanity. Although it's always a challenge getting the kids ready for school, me ready for work and a workout, I feel more put together. I literally did not get out of my pajamas until 4pm yesterday when I finally decided I needed to take the dog for a walk.
I got up at 5:50am and hit the treadmill this morning. I only did 2 miles slowly, but it's something. My foobs (saw this description on a breast cancer site and thought it was pretty funny... and accurate) were sore and heavy, more than they were Saturday. I think they're still sore from Saturday. I came up from the basement to find Corey doing yoga on the Wii fit-yea!
I have decided to run a race in February. It's a 5 or 10 miler and I haven't decided which one yet. I'd like to do 10, but just not sure how much my chest can take. It's slow going getting back in shape, but I really need a goal to keep me moving.
This race will help a lot. Corey is signing up with me. I am thrilled that he is getting active again. He is a natural athlete and is good at anything he tries. In the past, I haven't really wanted him to run. That has been my thing. My only thing. The one thing I can do that he doesn't. But now he wants to start. I've decided to put my pride in the back pocket and cheer him on as much as he has me. Who knows, this might be fun for us. We'll never really be able to run together. He's over 6 feet and I measure up at just over 5. He's the before mentioned natural athlete, while I am one who really has to work at it. But, he needs this, just like I do. I think it's amazing what running has done fo rme. I may not be fast, but it sure feels good.
As for my weight battle.... Um... I'm trying. I haven't lost any yet, but did indulge just a little on New Year's. I had a spinach salad for lunch yesterday and a roasted sweet potato for dinner (yum!) This is more vegetables than my body has seen in weeks. I had to make up for the Reese peanut butter tree and other miscellaneous chocolates. Today I got out the Vitamix and made a smoothie with berries, soy milk, splenda, protein powder and flax seeds. I especially love that my daughter took some with her to drink on the way to school. I feel positive about my progress.
I got up at 5:50am and hit the treadmill this morning. I only did 2 miles slowly, but it's something. My foobs (saw this description on a breast cancer site and thought it was pretty funny... and accurate) were sore and heavy, more than they were Saturday. I think they're still sore from Saturday. I came up from the basement to find Corey doing yoga on the Wii fit-yea!
I have decided to run a race in February. It's a 5 or 10 miler and I haven't decided which one yet. I'd like to do 10, but just not sure how much my chest can take. It's slow going getting back in shape, but I really need a goal to keep me moving.
This race will help a lot. Corey is signing up with me. I am thrilled that he is getting active again. He is a natural athlete and is good at anything he tries. In the past, I haven't really wanted him to run. That has been my thing. My only thing. The one thing I can do that he doesn't. But now he wants to start. I've decided to put my pride in the back pocket and cheer him on as much as he has me. Who knows, this might be fun for us. We'll never really be able to run together. He's over 6 feet and I measure up at just over 5. He's the before mentioned natural athlete, while I am one who really has to work at it. But, he needs this, just like I do. I think it's amazing what running has done fo rme. I may not be fast, but it sure feels good.
As for my weight battle.... Um... I'm trying. I haven't lost any yet, but did indulge just a little on New Year's. I had a spinach salad for lunch yesterday and a roasted sweet potato for dinner (yum!) This is more vegetables than my body has seen in weeks. I had to make up for the Reese peanut butter tree and other miscellaneous chocolates. Today I got out the Vitamix and made a smoothie with berries, soy milk, splenda, protein powder and flax seeds. I especially love that my daughter took some with her to drink on the way to school. I feel positive about my progress.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Status report
The good, the bad and the ugly so far for my attempt at weight loss today...
The good: Got up at 6:30 and took Fletcher for a power walk. Healthy breakfast of Go Lean cereal and veggie sausage. Took my vitamins. Weight is 2 pounds lighter. black bean burger, no bun for lunch. counting calories.
The bad: The stupid mint chocolate brownies my sister made were just looking at me. Had to eat one this morning. It fits into my calories, although of course not the smartest use of said calories.
The ugly: Saw a home baked cake and home made frosting in the freezer. Took it out to thaw this morning (I swear I was under some external power). Got home from taking Casey to a play date and stood there, jacket still on, scooping up first the frosting with a knife, then the cake. Got about half way through and then mustered up the strength to throw the rest away. See, told you I have a problem.
There it is. So far. It's only 1:40 in the afternoon, so there's still time to salvage or destroy the rest of my day. 158 calories allowed for the rest of the day. That's a tough one. Technically, I can have 658 and still maintain, but since I'm trying to lose, it's 500 less. Was hoping for a little beer tonight. We'll just have to see what I do with the rest of my day. Sometimes I'm ok with little or no dinner in order to make it under my calorie limit, but usually my binges are much closer to dinner time :)
For 2010, I resolve to make more of my calories healthy ones.
The good: Got up at 6:30 and took Fletcher for a power walk. Healthy breakfast of Go Lean cereal and veggie sausage. Took my vitamins. Weight is 2 pounds lighter. black bean burger, no bun for lunch. counting calories.
The bad: The stupid mint chocolate brownies my sister made were just looking at me. Had to eat one this morning. It fits into my calories, although of course not the smartest use of said calories.
The ugly: Saw a home baked cake and home made frosting in the freezer. Took it out to thaw this morning (I swear I was under some external power). Got home from taking Casey to a play date and stood there, jacket still on, scooping up first the frosting with a knife, then the cake. Got about half way through and then mustered up the strength to throw the rest away. See, told you I have a problem.
There it is. So far. It's only 1:40 in the afternoon, so there's still time to salvage or destroy the rest of my day. 158 calories allowed for the rest of the day. That's a tough one. Technically, I can have 658 and still maintain, but since I'm trying to lose, it's 500 less. Was hoping for a little beer tonight. We'll just have to see what I do with the rest of my day. Sometimes I'm ok with little or no dinner in order to make it under my calorie limit, but usually my binges are much closer to dinner time :)
For 2010, I resolve to make more of my calories healthy ones.
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