So, you may notice how glowing I am. Or how thin, or how happy and I have to say "it's the green drink" OK, no one has said anything, or noticed even, but I have. I feel better and I feel like I look better which gives me confidence, and isn't that the ultimate beauty secret?
After three weeks of no animal products (which I do anyway), no sugar, no alcohol, no caffiene or gluten, I have decided that this way of eating is so so good for me. For my body, my skin and my soul. I start every morning with a lovely green smoothie made up of cucumbers, kale, spinach, lettuce, celery, protein powder and some fruit. It's more vegetables than I've had in my entire life, seriously. I was always a joke being a vegetarian who doesn't like vegetables. I still don't, but this drink makes it easy. I've struggled with my skin for years and years and always knew there was a connection between what you eat, and the condition of your skin but never had the will power to really do something about it to test the theory. I hit rock bottom after a trip to Disney and a week of nasty Disney food. I wore the condition of my body on my skin. That's when I started the cleanse and what a difference! I'm in complete shock and awe of what a little (a lot) healthy eating can do. I don't have the genes for beautiful flawless skin, but now I know it's the best it can be, and I'm happy with that.
I lost a few pounds, just enough to make me feel lighter and for my jeans to fit better.
Life is good. The family has gone vegetarian-ish and it makes my heart sing. They're not perfect but it's a process and they're trying. If we come out of this with less meat, less dairy, and more health, that's enough for me.
Anxiously awaiting Spring so the weather can match my mood.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Feeling good
Feeling pretty good one day out. My abdomen is sore, but basically good. One percocet yesterday evening as I began to regain feeling after the anesthesia and also had a headache. I felt so good yesterday that I thought I could go walk the dogs I'm sitting. I forgot that it takes a while for percocet to really kick in and when it does, I get dizzy. My sweet husband walked them for me and I came over and fed them. Of course he comments "Four years I've been working at Mercury, and not once have you gone to work for me." ha!
I spent last night nauseous and whiny so I went to bed with Casey at 8:00. Now up at 6:00 and no meds yet. I think it's going to be a good day but I will remind myself not to overdo it.
There is some bleeding through the bandages, but I think that's ok, as long as it's not "excessive". My biggest fear is that the nips will be cockeyed. I moved one of the sensors Dr. B used to place the nipples and I hope I kept it even. Oh well, I trust he's done it right.
I spent last night nauseous and whiny so I went to bed with Casey at 8:00. Now up at 6:00 and no meds yet. I think it's going to be a good day but I will remind myself not to overdo it.
There is some bleeding through the bandages, but I think that's ok, as long as it's not "excessive". My biggest fear is that the nips will be cockeyed. I moved one of the sensors Dr. B used to place the nipples and I hope I kept it even. Oh well, I trust he's done it right.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Living the dream
So, I have my first Rocky Mountain Dog Runner client and I couldn't be happier! It's a neighbor, but that counts, right? They have two large, sweet, excited dogs and since they travel a lot, they have hired me to walk/run/petsit for this week. I've been taking them for a run in the morning and a walk in the evening with love and food in between. After the first run, I came in the door, smiling and sweaty and announced "I'm getting paid for this!" I just love it and hope it continues.
The dogs pull me the entire run, so it's like running with my brakes on so I don't fall forward, but it's been great for my legs. I was thinking that my regular runs were a bit too "easy" and I needed a challenge, well, I got it. I had a hard time walking after the first session.
Now all I need is one or two more clients and I'm set. So, so happy and thank you to my wonderful friend and neighbor Emily who makes this possible by helping with my kids while I watch the dogs.
This couldn't have come at a better time as I struggled with the whole not working thing. Just what I needed to adjust my attitude for the holidays.
The dogs pull me the entire run, so it's like running with my brakes on so I don't fall forward, but it's been great for my legs. I was thinking that my regular runs were a bit too "easy" and I needed a challenge, well, I got it. I had a hard time walking after the first session.
Now all I need is one or two more clients and I'm set. So, so happy and thank you to my wonderful friend and neighbor Emily who makes this possible by helping with my kids while I watch the dogs.
This couldn't have come at a better time as I struggled with the whole not working thing. Just what I needed to adjust my attitude for the holidays.
Monday, November 29, 2010
a sad day
So, anyone who knows me knows how much I love animals. I mean love love. I know I'm wired differently, and I'm ok with that. I like animals more than people. Sure, I love my people, but give me a stranger and an animal, it's a toss up. I've seen the evil people are capable of. Animals are not.
Anyway, Friday was especially tragic and was a real live nightmare for me. We hit a deer coming home from my parent's cabin after cutting down our Christmas tree. We were going down the dirt road outside of Larkspur as we had hundreds of times. We usually spot deer on our drive, but this time, both Corey and I turned for a split second to admire a cabin we'd like and when I turned around, there it was. A beautiful young buck, inches from the front of our truck, trying to cross the road. I immediately closed my eyes and curled in the fetal position, not believing what was happening. There was no time for brakes. We hit it. Luckily the kids were looking down messing with their music and felt the bump. They are wired much like me and I fear how that would have affected them had they seen it. Dylan kept saying, "what's wrong with mom?" as I sobbed. We turned the truck around and parked so we could assess the damage, both to the deer and the truck (which I didn't care about).
Corey and I got out of the truck and began walking back down the road. I didn't see the deer and naively hoped he had hopped on, that we didn't hit it that hard. Corey walked back to the truck to get to the kids and I kept walking the side of the road. Then I saw it, lying in the ditch. I crumpled. I kept getting closer, hoping to see it not breathing. But damn, it was breathing. I crept closer as my instinct was to to hug it and pet it and tell it everything is going to be ok. I stopped cause I didn't want to scare the poor thing. He lifted his head and I just stayed there, bent over bawling. Corey motioned me back to the truck. Now what?! We were both distraught. We knew the animal needed to be put down out of it's misery. We figured, this is Larkspur, surely most people around here hunt. And so began our search for someone to humanly end it's life. We ended up at the fire station and called the sheriff from there. She didn't know how long before someone could come out so we stopped at the gas station. Luckily, we found a hunter. Corey pleaded with him to go back and put the poor deer out of his misery. He agreed and we felt better, just a little.
We ended up going back to meet the deputy at the scene. I stayed in the truck while Corey and the officer went up to the deer. He had expired on his own in those 30 minutes. Corey knelt down next to the deer, pet it and told him he was sorry. He wondered if the officer had ever seen someone apologize to a deer.
The rest of the day was pretty dismal. Corey was surprised how hard it was on him. I know that being with me for 12 years has a lot to do with that. My son drew me a picture, both my kids knew how hard I was taking this. The picture was the truck, Corey and the deer with Corey saying "I'm sorry" and the deer says "It's ok". I hugged him tight and said "you really get me, don't you." He said yes, and he does. I love that boy. He was worried about telling his friend Hadley. He said she'll probably be as upset as me. Hadley loves animals like I do and I wish she were mine. Casey made me a princess flag by taping a picture she drew to a marker. I'm glad she didn't fully understand what happened.
The officer said that if the hunter showed up, he could have the meat and if not, it would be processed and given to the shelter. At least there is some use of a tragedy.
I'm sorry sweet deer. Rest in peace.
Anyway, Friday was especially tragic and was a real live nightmare for me. We hit a deer coming home from my parent's cabin after cutting down our Christmas tree. We were going down the dirt road outside of Larkspur as we had hundreds of times. We usually spot deer on our drive, but this time, both Corey and I turned for a split second to admire a cabin we'd like and when I turned around, there it was. A beautiful young buck, inches from the front of our truck, trying to cross the road. I immediately closed my eyes and curled in the fetal position, not believing what was happening. There was no time for brakes. We hit it. Luckily the kids were looking down messing with their music and felt the bump. They are wired much like me and I fear how that would have affected them had they seen it. Dylan kept saying, "what's wrong with mom?" as I sobbed. We turned the truck around and parked so we could assess the damage, both to the deer and the truck (which I didn't care about).
Corey and I got out of the truck and began walking back down the road. I didn't see the deer and naively hoped he had hopped on, that we didn't hit it that hard. Corey walked back to the truck to get to the kids and I kept walking the side of the road. Then I saw it, lying in the ditch. I crumpled. I kept getting closer, hoping to see it not breathing. But damn, it was breathing. I crept closer as my instinct was to to hug it and pet it and tell it everything is going to be ok. I stopped cause I didn't want to scare the poor thing. He lifted his head and I just stayed there, bent over bawling. Corey motioned me back to the truck. Now what?! We were both distraught. We knew the animal needed to be put down out of it's misery. We figured, this is Larkspur, surely most people around here hunt. And so began our search for someone to humanly end it's life. We ended up at the fire station and called the sheriff from there. She didn't know how long before someone could come out so we stopped at the gas station. Luckily, we found a hunter. Corey pleaded with him to go back and put the poor deer out of his misery. He agreed and we felt better, just a little.
We ended up going back to meet the deputy at the scene. I stayed in the truck while Corey and the officer went up to the deer. He had expired on his own in those 30 minutes. Corey knelt down next to the deer, pet it and told him he was sorry. He wondered if the officer had ever seen someone apologize to a deer.
The rest of the day was pretty dismal. Corey was surprised how hard it was on him. I know that being with me for 12 years has a lot to do with that. My son drew me a picture, both my kids knew how hard I was taking this. The picture was the truck, Corey and the deer with Corey saying "I'm sorry" and the deer says "It's ok". I hugged him tight and said "you really get me, don't you." He said yes, and he does. I love that boy. He was worried about telling his friend Hadley. He said she'll probably be as upset as me. Hadley loves animals like I do and I wish she were mine. Casey made me a princess flag by taping a picture she drew to a marker. I'm glad she didn't fully understand what happened.
The officer said that if the hunter showed up, he could have the meat and if not, it would be processed and given to the shelter. At least there is some use of a tragedy.
I'm sorry sweet deer. Rest in peace.
Friday, November 12, 2010
A year and a day
I meant to post yesterday, like it was some big milestone and I'd have something rather prolific to say, but the day got away from me and it turned out to be a day just like any other.
So, it's been a year. A year since they took my breasts. It's been one hell of a year and I've gone from utterly devestated to giddingly thankful only to land somewhere in between. I think there's a touch of bitterness left but otherwise still good. I miss my breasts but I don't pine for them. I still don't have nips so I guess even after a year I am not complete. Nips are coming in December with tattooing next year. Everyone was right, it does take a year. I was in such denial and had to tell myself that no, for me things would be different. For me, it would only be 3 months at the most, and then I'll have my life back. I've still got some healing to do. More emotionally than physically. I still am not comfortable with my new look. I was never much of an exhibitionist, but I keep my shirt on all the time. Like all the time.
I am happy overall with the size and shape and they've settled in nicely. After my last race, it took a good 2-3 weeks for my rib pain to dissapate, but it has and I am finally back at running at it feels so good. Of course the same 2-3 pounds that keep visiting me are back but I'm working again at shedding them. It's just next to impossible without being able to exercise.
Life in general is good otherwise. I'm plugging away little by little at getting Rocky Mountain Dog Runner up and running and will market more after the holidays. Still collecting un-employment and the search for a job will begin again in January. It's been nice to be able to take a break and breathe. I've been able to get to things around the house that needed to be done and to take my time getting my business up and running. I feel extremely lucky and know it won't last so I'm taking full advantage.
Caseyism for today: "Mom, how did you and dad make me?" Me: "With love" Casey: "So, hugs and kisses.... and a hammer?" Me: "Yep, just like that"
So, it's been a year. A year since they took my breasts. It's been one hell of a year and I've gone from utterly devestated to giddingly thankful only to land somewhere in between. I think there's a touch of bitterness left but otherwise still good. I miss my breasts but I don't pine for them. I still don't have nips so I guess even after a year I am not complete. Nips are coming in December with tattooing next year. Everyone was right, it does take a year. I was in such denial and had to tell myself that no, for me things would be different. For me, it would only be 3 months at the most, and then I'll have my life back. I've still got some healing to do. More emotionally than physically. I still am not comfortable with my new look. I was never much of an exhibitionist, but I keep my shirt on all the time. Like all the time.
I am happy overall with the size and shape and they've settled in nicely. After my last race, it took a good 2-3 weeks for my rib pain to dissapate, but it has and I am finally back at running at it feels so good. Of course the same 2-3 pounds that keep visiting me are back but I'm working again at shedding them. It's just next to impossible without being able to exercise.
Life in general is good otherwise. I'm plugging away little by little at getting Rocky Mountain Dog Runner up and running and will market more after the holidays. Still collecting un-employment and the search for a job will begin again in January. It's been nice to be able to take a break and breathe. I've been able to get to things around the house that needed to be done and to take my time getting my business up and running. I feel extremely lucky and know it won't last so I'm taking full advantage.
Caseyism for today: "Mom, how did you and dad make me?" Me: "With love" Casey: "So, hugs and kisses.... and a hammer?" Me: "Yep, just like that"
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Three surgeries in the past year, what's your excuse?
I wanted to wear this sign on my back during the Denver Rock n Roll half marathon last weekend. I felt the need to explain why I was so slow. It's not like I'm fast when I'm prepared either, I just have a hard time performing at less than par for me. I also know that no one cares that I'm slow, or why I am. Anyway, I made it through the race. I actually ran most of it and finished at 2:48. My best is 2:13. It was a gorgeous day for 16,000 runners. I as truly inspired by many of the people in the race. I saw at least two women with chemo haircuts, many older folks and one very overweight man hobbling through with a cane. I like to imagine that the race was his new beginning to a better life.
My legs are still stiff (and I am loving that feeling). I am reminded that there actually are muscles in there somewhere. The thing I don't like is that my ribs are incredibly sore, like under my stitches. It kept me from running even more during the race. I ran with my fists jabbed into my ribs at times because that provided some support. They're still sore and had a hard time walking the dogs this morning. I am supposed to start boot camp, but am putting it off until the soreness goes away. I called my PA yesterday just be sure I haven't caused any damage, that the pain I'm feeling is just my body getting back to moving again.
It feels good to be back in the game (again). Hopefully no more setbacks.
My legs are still stiff (and I am loving that feeling). I am reminded that there actually are muscles in there somewhere. The thing I don't like is that my ribs are incredibly sore, like under my stitches. It kept me from running even more during the race. I ran with my fists jabbed into my ribs at times because that provided some support. They're still sore and had a hard time walking the dogs this morning. I am supposed to start boot camp, but am putting it off until the soreness goes away. I called my PA yesterday just be sure I haven't caused any damage, that the pain I'm feeling is just my body getting back to moving again.
It feels good to be back in the game (again). Hopefully no more setbacks.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
a month
I can't believe a whole month has gone by since what better be my final surgery! It flew by. Overall, I am happy with the results. At first they were swollen and my boobs actually had a more "real" look to them, but alas, they are still two grapefruits adhered to my ribs. Smaller grapefruits, but round and unnatural just the same. Oh well. I'm feeling good and normal. I started running again this week. It's sad, pathetic and slow, but I am so glad to be back at it. I've signed up for boot camp for November. I am now regretting it, but need to follow through. It's at one of those places with no music, no tv's, and some hyper, slightly mean, ex-marine running the class. I need this to get me back in shape. I am a total and complete blob.
As for losing my job, it has been the best thing. I cannot believe how much happier I am. I think that place was really bringing me down and although I had a paycheck, it had a way of making me feel stupid and useless. I have since been lucky enough to land a temporary work at home position as a search engine evaluator. It's tedious work, so I'm not getting a ton of hours in, but I'm able to collect some unemployment to make up for my lack of hours. The position will end in 6 months, so I'll need to figure out a new plan by then. They're also very strict about work quality, so it is entirely possible they'll fire me sooner than that.
I have jumped in to working on Rocky Mountain Dog Runner. It's a lot of fun. I've created my facebook page and am working on setting my rates and getting my website going. Corey took some pictures of me with the dogs yesterday for the website. Luckily, he was able to snap some shots that didn't show the dogs pulling me down the trail. I'm taking it slowly since I really don't have the time to do much with Casey here most days. I plan on more on marketing when Casey is in school next Fall. It's weird how much I've been working on this venture. Maybe this one will stick.
I am loving the season and enjoying my family. Corey and I celebrated our 12th anniversary last month. We are still as happy as ever and had a great simple night out.
Happy Fall!
As for losing my job, it has been the best thing. I cannot believe how much happier I am. I think that place was really bringing me down and although I had a paycheck, it had a way of making me feel stupid and useless. I have since been lucky enough to land a temporary work at home position as a search engine evaluator. It's tedious work, so I'm not getting a ton of hours in, but I'm able to collect some unemployment to make up for my lack of hours. The position will end in 6 months, so I'll need to figure out a new plan by then. They're also very strict about work quality, so it is entirely possible they'll fire me sooner than that.
I have jumped in to working on Rocky Mountain Dog Runner. It's a lot of fun. I've created my facebook page and am working on setting my rates and getting my website going. Corey took some pictures of me with the dogs yesterday for the website. Luckily, he was able to snap some shots that didn't show the dogs pulling me down the trail. I'm taking it slowly since I really don't have the time to do much with Casey here most days. I plan on more on marketing when Casey is in school next Fall. It's weird how much I've been working on this venture. Maybe this one will stick.
I am loving the season and enjoying my family. Corey and I celebrated our 12th anniversary last month. We are still as happy as ever and had a great simple night out.
Happy Fall!
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