It seems so incredibly long since I've posted a blog, or blogged, or whatever you call it. Life is moving fast and I'm holding on tight. Although there's nothing earth shattering to report, I'm disappointed that I haven't kept up in the interest of keeping track of things I'd like to remember. Like my girls weekend with my ever sweet baby girl and some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth that cracks me up. Like "Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest at the mall?"
We dropped Dylan off at his first attempt at sleep away camp. It brought back so many memories of my days at "Rainbow Trail". I think this is ever important for him. To be outdoors, non-stop, with no parents, no tv, no video games. He's in a cabin with 8 other boys (Lord help the counselors) including his cousin. He was grinning from ear to ear as we left him yesterday. On the way home, Casey had a ball declaring all that we were going to do since she was the only child. "Dad, when we get home, we're playing house. Do you want to be the dog, or the kitty?" She gets a real kick out of being the only kid. Life was so much less stressful last night, just the three of us. It's a nice break. It would have been the same if Casey had gone away, just one less child really slows the pace.
I haven't run in close to 6 weeks. I have a stress fracture in my foot (or so I've self-diagnosed). It appears to be getting better, but every time I think it's better, it comes back. Needless to say, I have never wanted to run so badly in my life! I'm soft, very soft and a few pounds heavier. Oh well, could be worse I suppose.
I have decided that I am sick of the suburbs. I don't know that moving is an option, but I just don't feel myself sometimes. I took the kids to the zoo last week and my heart skips a beat as I drive through those neighborhoods closer to town. We drove by our old house. The one Corey and I lived in until Dylan was six months, and also the one I grew up in. The tree lined sidewalks, the older houses with character, the little flower shop within walking distance. *sigh* I just miss it so and sometimes think there's more people like me there. I do have some wonderful friends and neighbors here and the kids are happy, so it's doubtful anything will come of it. Bloom where you are planted. At least that's what I keep trying to tell myself.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
AZ
Ahhh, mini vacay in Scottsdale. It's lovely down here, especially in contrast to the Seattleish weather Denver has been having. When I waiting for the shuttle bus in Denver, cold and rainy, again. I didn't get in until last night, so I haven't been here in the heat of the day, but it feels tropical even though it's incredibly dry. Warm breeze, sitting in the shade as the sun goes down, drinking oh so many Greyhounds.
Corey is here for work, so this is the cheap couples alternative. Just a plane ticket for me and free hotel and meals through Corey. It's perfect. My parents are with my kids which I have to continually put out of my mind and just assume it's going smoothly. I told Dylan not to pull this bickering crap with my parents cause they're old and can't handle it as beautifully as I do (ha!). He just says "old people are fun!"
I met up with one of my favorite people, KC, last night. She lives here and we used to work together in Charlotte. We were out partying most of the nights we were together in Charlotte. Sundays were big for us. Drinks by the dinky little pool at my apartment, then head on down the road to drink outdoors at our favorite bar where we'd order things like cheese fries. Last night there was no shortage on drinks, but chips and salsa replaced the cheese fries and somewhat mature conversations emerged. You know, kids, fitness, husbands, etc. KC just turned 40 and I have to say she is the hottest 40 year old I know. She looks amazing, probably better than when we hung out at 20 something. I'll have to post a picture. We tried to get Corey to take one last night, but it was a joke. Couldn't get it quite right. Going to try and meet up with her again and see her house and meet her little girls.
Anyway, I'm babbling in my little hung over stupor. Looking forward to some kid free time with Corey and a more subdued evening. Then it's back to Denver tomorrow morning. Short, but sweet and believe it or not, I do miss those kids already. Sad, I know.
Corey is here for work, so this is the cheap couples alternative. Just a plane ticket for me and free hotel and meals through Corey. It's perfect. My parents are with my kids which I have to continually put out of my mind and just assume it's going smoothly. I told Dylan not to pull this bickering crap with my parents cause they're old and can't handle it as beautifully as I do (ha!). He just says "old people are fun!"
I met up with one of my favorite people, KC, last night. She lives here and we used to work together in Charlotte. We were out partying most of the nights we were together in Charlotte. Sundays were big for us. Drinks by the dinky little pool at my apartment, then head on down the road to drink outdoors at our favorite bar where we'd order things like cheese fries. Last night there was no shortage on drinks, but chips and salsa replaced the cheese fries and somewhat mature conversations emerged. You know, kids, fitness, husbands, etc. KC just turned 40 and I have to say she is the hottest 40 year old I know. She looks amazing, probably better than when we hung out at 20 something. I'll have to post a picture. We tried to get Corey to take one last night, but it was a joke. Couldn't get it quite right. Going to try and meet up with her again and see her house and meet her little girls.
Anyway, I'm babbling in my little hung over stupor. Looking forward to some kid free time with Corey and a more subdued evening. Then it's back to Denver tomorrow morning. Short, but sweet and believe it or not, I do miss those kids already. Sad, I know.
Monday, May 10, 2010
giddy
I feel really happy in the first time in sooo long. I would even venture to say I feel giddy. It's great because just like the sadness, I can't really pinpoint why, I just am. I had a perfect Mother's Day. My sister and her three kids came and spent the night with us on Saturday. Sunday morning, we both got to sleep in while my husband got up with the 5 kids and made us toast and fruit. Actually, it turns out the kids watched Scooby Doo while he made the breakfast, but hey, it was their idea, so that counts, right?
I bought myself flowers on Friday. I think I should always have fresh flowers in my house, what a difference it makes. Anyway, there wasn't anything particularly outstanding about yesterday, but just some great family time outside. I am very grateful and happy to be a mama.
I watched The Blind Side with my sister on Saturday night. Wow, what a great movie. I love the woman Sandra Bullock played. She doesn't take any shit and does the right thing, no matter the consequences. Shouldn't we all be a little more like that? Corey told me he wanted to adopt a black baby after seeing it. He doesn't know he really shouldn't mention things to me like that, cause I just might run with it.
I got a disastrous haircut on Saturday. I have been through more stylists than I can count. I have crazy curly/straight/coarse/unruly hair so when I find someone I like, I stick with them, well, until they screw up. I haven't had my hair highlighted in over a year because the last time I went, they gave me ASH BLONDE highlights, like all over. My hair is so dark it's almost black. Ash blonde is not a good match. I looked about 70 years old when I left and took myself promptly to the grocery store for a bottle of plain old brown to cover the mess.
Sooo, I signed up for highlights again, this time with a girl who has cut my hair 2-3 times, and I've been really happy. She asked me to be her "model" since she was trying to get on at a new salon and would cut me a deal in doing so.
We talked caramel color highlights. Long story short, she took the towel off and low and behold, we've got ash blonde. I hated to be a pain but asked her to tone it again. This time it came out better, but not great. It's very flat and dull. My hair looks like it's been through a dust storm. THEN, I ask for her to trim me up some bangs. She promptly cuts straight across ABOVE my eyebrows. I have Katy Perry bangs and seeing as I'm not some 20 something cool rocker chick, I look like a dork. They'll grow, no harm done, but to top it off, there was no discount. What?? After all that and 4 hours later, you're going to charge me $110? I didn't leave her a tip. I didn't mean not to, seriously, but I think I was so shocked at the cost, that I subconsciously didn't. I can't ever go back and my quest for a hairstylist continues.
Oh well, nothing is going to get in the way of my giddyness.
I bought myself flowers on Friday. I think I should always have fresh flowers in my house, what a difference it makes. Anyway, there wasn't anything particularly outstanding about yesterday, but just some great family time outside. I am very grateful and happy to be a mama.
I watched The Blind Side with my sister on Saturday night. Wow, what a great movie. I love the woman Sandra Bullock played. She doesn't take any shit and does the right thing, no matter the consequences. Shouldn't we all be a little more like that? Corey told me he wanted to adopt a black baby after seeing it. He doesn't know he really shouldn't mention things to me like that, cause I just might run with it.
I got a disastrous haircut on Saturday. I have been through more stylists than I can count. I have crazy curly/straight/coarse/unruly hair so when I find someone I like, I stick with them, well, until they screw up. I haven't had my hair highlighted in over a year because the last time I went, they gave me ASH BLONDE highlights, like all over. My hair is so dark it's almost black. Ash blonde is not a good match. I looked about 70 years old when I left and took myself promptly to the grocery store for a bottle of plain old brown to cover the mess.
Sooo, I signed up for highlights again, this time with a girl who has cut my hair 2-3 times, and I've been really happy. She asked me to be her "model" since she was trying to get on at a new salon and would cut me a deal in doing so.
We talked caramel color highlights. Long story short, she took the towel off and low and behold, we've got ash blonde. I hated to be a pain but asked her to tone it again. This time it came out better, but not great. It's very flat and dull. My hair looks like it's been through a dust storm. THEN, I ask for her to trim me up some bangs. She promptly cuts straight across ABOVE my eyebrows. I have Katy Perry bangs and seeing as I'm not some 20 something cool rocker chick, I look like a dork. They'll grow, no harm done, but to top it off, there was no discount. What?? After all that and 4 hours later, you're going to charge me $110? I didn't leave her a tip. I didn't mean not to, seriously, but I think I was so shocked at the cost, that I subconsciously didn't. I can't ever go back and my quest for a hairstylist continues.
Oh well, nothing is going to get in the way of my giddyness.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
can't sleep....
Feeling unappreciated. As we're going to bed tonight, Corey checks and sees that the dogs have no water. He then begins to scold me. Of course I know it's important, those furry things are children to me, but somehow it gets overlooked from time to time. I tell him that he lives here too and he goes on to tell me how he's only here 2 hours a day, and that I'm basically here all the time. I'm pissed because I do E V E R Y T H I N G around here, or so it seems. Sure, Corey goes through spurts where he's super helpful, but it's not consistent. He took up the laundry duties after my first surgery, but that has really dropped off and he'd end up trying to do it all in one day and we'd have varying degress of laundry doneness hanging around and since I am the "putter awayer", that wasn't working out for me. I have since taken back that duty.
I know he works hard and long hours and he's tired but I don't forget to tell him how much we appreciate it. We lay in bed tonight and I tried to explain where I was coming from, that I was feeling unappreciated and could use just a little more help around here. He simply says "we do appreicate you". I didn't feel I'd made my point, so I rattle off everything I do;
pay the bills, check homework, pack lunches, take Casey to school because she sleeps too late for Corey to take her, pick Casey up from school because Corey works too late, clean the kitchen about 100 times a day, plan the meals, cook the meals, clean up from the meals, make the coffee every night for the next day, clean the house, clean the toilets (I'm pretty sure Corey has never cleaned a toilet in his adult life), change the air filter, feed the dogs or make sure Dylan does it, keep track of every piece of paper the kids bring home from school, take care of every piece of mail, plan vacations, send birthday/mothers day/fathers day cards, run all the errands, grocery shop, doctor appointments, dental appointments, keep our calendar straight, sign the kids up for classes, put the kids to bed, clean up the yard (this one Corey does quite often), walk the dogs, work three days a week, and the list continues.
He just listened and even inserted a job here and there as I rattled away. But what I was looking for was a realization, a real apology and a promise to do just a little. I don't expect much. As a part time stay at home mom and control freak, I happily assume most responsibility. But what would be nice is getting your beer bottle and popcorn bowl to the kitchen at the end of the night, not leaving your clothes in a heap on the floor for the laundry fairy to find and take care of, putting the kids to bed now and then. But no, he was done and promptly fell asleep, so that leaves me here, too agitated to sleep.
I know it's the same story us moms have been dealing with forever and sounds so cliche, but damn it, it's true. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow we'll have a new spurt of extreme helpfulness. Let's hope so.
I know he works hard and long hours and he's tired but I don't forget to tell him how much we appreciate it. We lay in bed tonight and I tried to explain where I was coming from, that I was feeling unappreciated and could use just a little more help around here. He simply says "we do appreicate you". I didn't feel I'd made my point, so I rattle off everything I do;
pay the bills, check homework, pack lunches, take Casey to school because she sleeps too late for Corey to take her, pick Casey up from school because Corey works too late, clean the kitchen about 100 times a day, plan the meals, cook the meals, clean up from the meals, make the coffee every night for the next day, clean the house, clean the toilets (I'm pretty sure Corey has never cleaned a toilet in his adult life), change the air filter, feed the dogs or make sure Dylan does it, keep track of every piece of paper the kids bring home from school, take care of every piece of mail, plan vacations, send birthday/mothers day/fathers day cards, run all the errands, grocery shop, doctor appointments, dental appointments, keep our calendar straight, sign the kids up for classes, put the kids to bed, clean up the yard (this one Corey does quite often), walk the dogs, work three days a week, and the list continues.
He just listened and even inserted a job here and there as I rattled away. But what I was looking for was a realization, a real apology and a promise to do just a little. I don't expect much. As a part time stay at home mom and control freak, I happily assume most responsibility. But what would be nice is getting your beer bottle and popcorn bowl to the kitchen at the end of the night, not leaving your clothes in a heap on the floor for the laundry fairy to find and take care of, putting the kids to bed now and then. But no, he was done and promptly fell asleep, so that leaves me here, too agitated to sleep.
I know it's the same story us moms have been dealing with forever and sounds so cliche, but damn it, it's true. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow we'll have a new spurt of extreme helpfulness. Let's hope so.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Here comes the sun...
Finally. I feel better. I've been wallowing in some sort of depression for what feels like months. I felt like my life was a constant scramble up loose rocks to stay happy, or even to feel the absence of sadness. It wasn't a crying sad, just a cloud.
Work had been really slow, running was non-existent, the clouds literally covered the sun for weeks, etc. etc. I worked every day to keep the sadness from getting the best of me. Again, I'd like to blame the whole breast cancer thing, because at least that I can understand.
Since then, work has picked up, I've started running again, and it looks like Spring is finally here. It's still good days/bad days, but the good days are better and the bad aren't so low.
Boobs are fine. Still seem a bit big, but I'll get used to it. My PS smiled when he saw me and said that they looked good. I really think he meant it, I could see it in his face. They still feel completely foreign. I'm numb up to where my necklace hits, although, when I was at the PS last, I scratched somewhere in between the two, and felt something. I was really excited and so was the PA. Nipples will be in August, after the summer. This way I won't have the shields on with my swimsuit, or worry about swimming at all.
The rest of life is moving along at lightning speed. School is almost out for the summer (lord help me) and I'm gearing up for trips planned. Running is ok. Only up to about 2 miles. The boobs seem really tight when I'm running, but not painful, so I'll keep trudging along.
This all sounds pretty boring, but I'm just glad to be coming out of the fog.
Work had been really slow, running was non-existent, the clouds literally covered the sun for weeks, etc. etc. I worked every day to keep the sadness from getting the best of me. Again, I'd like to blame the whole breast cancer thing, because at least that I can understand.
Since then, work has picked up, I've started running again, and it looks like Spring is finally here. It's still good days/bad days, but the good days are better and the bad aren't so low.
Boobs are fine. Still seem a bit big, but I'll get used to it. My PS smiled when he saw me and said that they looked good. I really think he meant it, I could see it in his face. They still feel completely foreign. I'm numb up to where my necklace hits, although, when I was at the PS last, I scratched somewhere in between the two, and felt something. I was really excited and so was the PA. Nipples will be in August, after the summer. This way I won't have the shields on with my swimsuit, or worry about swimming at all.
The rest of life is moving along at lightning speed. School is almost out for the summer (lord help me) and I'm gearing up for trips planned. Running is ok. Only up to about 2 miles. The boobs seem really tight when I'm running, but not painful, so I'll keep trudging along.
This all sounds pretty boring, but I'm just glad to be coming out of the fog.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
happy plans
In the interest of looking forward and moving to a happier existence, here are some things I'm looking forward to. After a looonng cloudy cold depressing winter, Spring and Summer plans are right around the corner, ready to lift me out of this mood, I just know it!
At the end of this month, my in-laws are coming for a visit. On the first weekend, we're going to Glenwood Springs. We've got reservations at the lodge, right by the hot springs. On the second weekend they're here, they're going away on an overnight, and suggested they take the kids. I think I'm happier about the latter.
This summer, Dylan is going to sleepaway camp, we're going to the beach and lake house in NC, Corey and I are going to AZ in May and one of my dearest friends lives there. It's a work trip for Corey, so it's cheap for me, just the flight. Let's hope my parents survive staying with my kids.
The list goes on into the Fall and next Christmas and I am really excited. I just need some time and a happy place to rejuvenate.
At the end of this month, my in-laws are coming for a visit. On the first weekend, we're going to Glenwood Springs. We've got reservations at the lodge, right by the hot springs. On the second weekend they're here, they're going away on an overnight, and suggested they take the kids. I think I'm happier about the latter.
This summer, Dylan is going to sleepaway camp, we're going to the beach and lake house in NC, Corey and I are going to AZ in May and one of my dearest friends lives there. It's a work trip for Corey, so it's cheap for me, just the flight. Let's hope my parents survive staying with my kids.
The list goes on into the Fall and next Christmas and I am really excited. I just need some time and a happy place to rejuvenate.
grumpy pants
I'm not entirely sure what's up with me lately, but I've been in a funk. For weeks. I'm not unhappy, but not entirely jubilant either and it's driving me crazy. I'm sure I'm just in a downward spiral and that negativity begets negativity, but haven't had the energy to dig out. The purpose of this blog is to getit out there and MOVE ON. I can't live like this. My patience is beyond zero with the kids and I hear way too many mean and sarcastic remarks coming out of my mouth, and then get overly angry when I hear the same ones out of Dylan's mouth toward his sister. Ugh. I know I did this and I know it has to stop.
Boobs are ok. Too big, but what are ya gonna do?? I'll get used to them, these grapefruits stuck on the front of my ribs. They don't stick out too far, but are rather wide and oh so round. People keep saying I look great, but they don't feel right. They don't even fit in my hands. My real ones used to. It's like I'm palming a basketball.
One more week until my restrictions are lifted. Not that I've paid them any mind anyway. I didn't want to put the burden on Corey for all the housework. I also secretly feared nothing would get done. No ill will to Corey, he's just too busy and stressed to have one more thing on his plate either. I haven't lifted Casey or vacuumed or done the laundry, but everything else was fair game. I can run again next week, or at least try to. I have to think that part of this mood is caused by lack of exercise. I sure hope so.
I've stopped counting calories which is wonderful. I've lost pounds and am at my weight from last year, just where I want to be. Thank you vegan diet. I don't worry about what I eat. Is it vegan? Then I eat it. Not vegan? I don't. Plain and simple and it does the trick. Finally. I am still working on more vegetables, less sugar, but I'm making huge strides and feel good. I seriously cannot wait to run and exercise again. I feel soft.
Work has sucked lately. See, I get a whole $12 an hour to answer phones that don't ring. It pays for Casey's school and gives me just a little to bring home. Of course that's assuming my kids aren't sick and I haven't had to miss work. I also get research, which pays $40 an hour. I took the job because of the research. Problem is, there hasn't been any research since January and it's killing me. We got a tax refund, but that went straight to a new couch. Research better come soon, or I hardly think it's a job worth keeping. Corey's frustrated with his job and we've been questioning our purpose. If that's not stressful, I don't know what is. I don't handle change or a shift in routine very well.
There, done with my bitching. I have nothing to complain about.
Dylan made me an early mother's day card today and left it where I'd find it. He's such a sweetheart sometimes. Made my day. He must have known that I needed it.
Boobs are ok. Too big, but what are ya gonna do?? I'll get used to them, these grapefruits stuck on the front of my ribs. They don't stick out too far, but are rather wide and oh so round. People keep saying I look great, but they don't feel right. They don't even fit in my hands. My real ones used to. It's like I'm palming a basketball.
One more week until my restrictions are lifted. Not that I've paid them any mind anyway. I didn't want to put the burden on Corey for all the housework. I also secretly feared nothing would get done. No ill will to Corey, he's just too busy and stressed to have one more thing on his plate either. I haven't lifted Casey or vacuumed or done the laundry, but everything else was fair game. I can run again next week, or at least try to. I have to think that part of this mood is caused by lack of exercise. I sure hope so.
I've stopped counting calories which is wonderful. I've lost pounds and am at my weight from last year, just where I want to be. Thank you vegan diet. I don't worry about what I eat. Is it vegan? Then I eat it. Not vegan? I don't. Plain and simple and it does the trick. Finally. I am still working on more vegetables, less sugar, but I'm making huge strides and feel good. I seriously cannot wait to run and exercise again. I feel soft.
Work has sucked lately. See, I get a whole $12 an hour to answer phones that don't ring. It pays for Casey's school and gives me just a little to bring home. Of course that's assuming my kids aren't sick and I haven't had to miss work. I also get research, which pays $40 an hour. I took the job because of the research. Problem is, there hasn't been any research since January and it's killing me. We got a tax refund, but that went straight to a new couch. Research better come soon, or I hardly think it's a job worth keeping. Corey's frustrated with his job and we've been questioning our purpose. If that's not stressful, I don't know what is. I don't handle change or a shift in routine very well.
There, done with my bitching. I have nothing to complain about.
Dylan made me an early mother's day card today and left it where I'd find it. He's such a sweetheart sometimes. Made my day. He must have known that I needed it.
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