Feeling pretty good one day out. My abdomen is sore, but basically good. One percocet yesterday evening as I began to regain feeling after the anesthesia and also had a headache. I felt so good yesterday that I thought I could go walk the dogs I'm sitting. I forgot that it takes a while for percocet to really kick in and when it does, I get dizzy. My sweet husband walked them for me and I came over and fed them. Of course he comments "Four years I've been working at Mercury, and not once have you gone to work for me." ha!
I spent last night nauseous and whiny so I went to bed with Casey at 8:00. Now up at 6:00 and no meds yet. I think it's going to be a good day but I will remind myself not to overdo it.
There is some bleeding through the bandages, but I think that's ok, as long as it's not "excessive". My biggest fear is that the nips will be cockeyed. I moved one of the sensors Dr. B used to place the nipples and I hope I kept it even. Oh well, I trust he's done it right.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Living the dream
So, I have my first Rocky Mountain Dog Runner client and I couldn't be happier! It's a neighbor, but that counts, right? They have two large, sweet, excited dogs and since they travel a lot, they have hired me to walk/run/petsit for this week. I've been taking them for a run in the morning and a walk in the evening with love and food in between. After the first run, I came in the door, smiling and sweaty and announced "I'm getting paid for this!" I just love it and hope it continues.
The dogs pull me the entire run, so it's like running with my brakes on so I don't fall forward, but it's been great for my legs. I was thinking that my regular runs were a bit too "easy" and I needed a challenge, well, I got it. I had a hard time walking after the first session.
Now all I need is one or two more clients and I'm set. So, so happy and thank you to my wonderful friend and neighbor Emily who makes this possible by helping with my kids while I watch the dogs.
This couldn't have come at a better time as I struggled with the whole not working thing. Just what I needed to adjust my attitude for the holidays.
The dogs pull me the entire run, so it's like running with my brakes on so I don't fall forward, but it's been great for my legs. I was thinking that my regular runs were a bit too "easy" and I needed a challenge, well, I got it. I had a hard time walking after the first session.
Now all I need is one or two more clients and I'm set. So, so happy and thank you to my wonderful friend and neighbor Emily who makes this possible by helping with my kids while I watch the dogs.
This couldn't have come at a better time as I struggled with the whole not working thing. Just what I needed to adjust my attitude for the holidays.
Monday, November 29, 2010
a sad day
So, anyone who knows me knows how much I love animals. I mean love love. I know I'm wired differently, and I'm ok with that. I like animals more than people. Sure, I love my people, but give me a stranger and an animal, it's a toss up. I've seen the evil people are capable of. Animals are not.
Anyway, Friday was especially tragic and was a real live nightmare for me. We hit a deer coming home from my parent's cabin after cutting down our Christmas tree. We were going down the dirt road outside of Larkspur as we had hundreds of times. We usually spot deer on our drive, but this time, both Corey and I turned for a split second to admire a cabin we'd like and when I turned around, there it was. A beautiful young buck, inches from the front of our truck, trying to cross the road. I immediately closed my eyes and curled in the fetal position, not believing what was happening. There was no time for brakes. We hit it. Luckily the kids were looking down messing with their music and felt the bump. They are wired much like me and I fear how that would have affected them had they seen it. Dylan kept saying, "what's wrong with mom?" as I sobbed. We turned the truck around and parked so we could assess the damage, both to the deer and the truck (which I didn't care about).
Corey and I got out of the truck and began walking back down the road. I didn't see the deer and naively hoped he had hopped on, that we didn't hit it that hard. Corey walked back to the truck to get to the kids and I kept walking the side of the road. Then I saw it, lying in the ditch. I crumpled. I kept getting closer, hoping to see it not breathing. But damn, it was breathing. I crept closer as my instinct was to to hug it and pet it and tell it everything is going to be ok. I stopped cause I didn't want to scare the poor thing. He lifted his head and I just stayed there, bent over bawling. Corey motioned me back to the truck. Now what?! We were both distraught. We knew the animal needed to be put down out of it's misery. We figured, this is Larkspur, surely most people around here hunt. And so began our search for someone to humanly end it's life. We ended up at the fire station and called the sheriff from there. She didn't know how long before someone could come out so we stopped at the gas station. Luckily, we found a hunter. Corey pleaded with him to go back and put the poor deer out of his misery. He agreed and we felt better, just a little.
We ended up going back to meet the deputy at the scene. I stayed in the truck while Corey and the officer went up to the deer. He had expired on his own in those 30 minutes. Corey knelt down next to the deer, pet it and told him he was sorry. He wondered if the officer had ever seen someone apologize to a deer.
The rest of the day was pretty dismal. Corey was surprised how hard it was on him. I know that being with me for 12 years has a lot to do with that. My son drew me a picture, both my kids knew how hard I was taking this. The picture was the truck, Corey and the deer with Corey saying "I'm sorry" and the deer says "It's ok". I hugged him tight and said "you really get me, don't you." He said yes, and he does. I love that boy. He was worried about telling his friend Hadley. He said she'll probably be as upset as me. Hadley loves animals like I do and I wish she were mine. Casey made me a princess flag by taping a picture she drew to a marker. I'm glad she didn't fully understand what happened.
The officer said that if the hunter showed up, he could have the meat and if not, it would be processed and given to the shelter. At least there is some use of a tragedy.
I'm sorry sweet deer. Rest in peace.
Anyway, Friday was especially tragic and was a real live nightmare for me. We hit a deer coming home from my parent's cabin after cutting down our Christmas tree. We were going down the dirt road outside of Larkspur as we had hundreds of times. We usually spot deer on our drive, but this time, both Corey and I turned for a split second to admire a cabin we'd like and when I turned around, there it was. A beautiful young buck, inches from the front of our truck, trying to cross the road. I immediately closed my eyes and curled in the fetal position, not believing what was happening. There was no time for brakes. We hit it. Luckily the kids were looking down messing with their music and felt the bump. They are wired much like me and I fear how that would have affected them had they seen it. Dylan kept saying, "what's wrong with mom?" as I sobbed. We turned the truck around and parked so we could assess the damage, both to the deer and the truck (which I didn't care about).
Corey and I got out of the truck and began walking back down the road. I didn't see the deer and naively hoped he had hopped on, that we didn't hit it that hard. Corey walked back to the truck to get to the kids and I kept walking the side of the road. Then I saw it, lying in the ditch. I crumpled. I kept getting closer, hoping to see it not breathing. But damn, it was breathing. I crept closer as my instinct was to to hug it and pet it and tell it everything is going to be ok. I stopped cause I didn't want to scare the poor thing. He lifted his head and I just stayed there, bent over bawling. Corey motioned me back to the truck. Now what?! We were both distraught. We knew the animal needed to be put down out of it's misery. We figured, this is Larkspur, surely most people around here hunt. And so began our search for someone to humanly end it's life. We ended up at the fire station and called the sheriff from there. She didn't know how long before someone could come out so we stopped at the gas station. Luckily, we found a hunter. Corey pleaded with him to go back and put the poor deer out of his misery. He agreed and we felt better, just a little.
We ended up going back to meet the deputy at the scene. I stayed in the truck while Corey and the officer went up to the deer. He had expired on his own in those 30 minutes. Corey knelt down next to the deer, pet it and told him he was sorry. He wondered if the officer had ever seen someone apologize to a deer.
The rest of the day was pretty dismal. Corey was surprised how hard it was on him. I know that being with me for 12 years has a lot to do with that. My son drew me a picture, both my kids knew how hard I was taking this. The picture was the truck, Corey and the deer with Corey saying "I'm sorry" and the deer says "It's ok". I hugged him tight and said "you really get me, don't you." He said yes, and he does. I love that boy. He was worried about telling his friend Hadley. He said she'll probably be as upset as me. Hadley loves animals like I do and I wish she were mine. Casey made me a princess flag by taping a picture she drew to a marker. I'm glad she didn't fully understand what happened.
The officer said that if the hunter showed up, he could have the meat and if not, it would be processed and given to the shelter. At least there is some use of a tragedy.
I'm sorry sweet deer. Rest in peace.
Friday, November 12, 2010
A year and a day
I meant to post yesterday, like it was some big milestone and I'd have something rather prolific to say, but the day got away from me and it turned out to be a day just like any other.
So, it's been a year. A year since they took my breasts. It's been one hell of a year and I've gone from utterly devestated to giddingly thankful only to land somewhere in between. I think there's a touch of bitterness left but otherwise still good. I miss my breasts but I don't pine for them. I still don't have nips so I guess even after a year I am not complete. Nips are coming in December with tattooing next year. Everyone was right, it does take a year. I was in such denial and had to tell myself that no, for me things would be different. For me, it would only be 3 months at the most, and then I'll have my life back. I've still got some healing to do. More emotionally than physically. I still am not comfortable with my new look. I was never much of an exhibitionist, but I keep my shirt on all the time. Like all the time.
I am happy overall with the size and shape and they've settled in nicely. After my last race, it took a good 2-3 weeks for my rib pain to dissapate, but it has and I am finally back at running at it feels so good. Of course the same 2-3 pounds that keep visiting me are back but I'm working again at shedding them. It's just next to impossible without being able to exercise.
Life in general is good otherwise. I'm plugging away little by little at getting Rocky Mountain Dog Runner up and running and will market more after the holidays. Still collecting un-employment and the search for a job will begin again in January. It's been nice to be able to take a break and breathe. I've been able to get to things around the house that needed to be done and to take my time getting my business up and running. I feel extremely lucky and know it won't last so I'm taking full advantage.
Caseyism for today: "Mom, how did you and dad make me?" Me: "With love" Casey: "So, hugs and kisses.... and a hammer?" Me: "Yep, just like that"
So, it's been a year. A year since they took my breasts. It's been one hell of a year and I've gone from utterly devestated to giddingly thankful only to land somewhere in between. I think there's a touch of bitterness left but otherwise still good. I miss my breasts but I don't pine for them. I still don't have nips so I guess even after a year I am not complete. Nips are coming in December with tattooing next year. Everyone was right, it does take a year. I was in such denial and had to tell myself that no, for me things would be different. For me, it would only be 3 months at the most, and then I'll have my life back. I've still got some healing to do. More emotionally than physically. I still am not comfortable with my new look. I was never much of an exhibitionist, but I keep my shirt on all the time. Like all the time.
I am happy overall with the size and shape and they've settled in nicely. After my last race, it took a good 2-3 weeks for my rib pain to dissapate, but it has and I am finally back at running at it feels so good. Of course the same 2-3 pounds that keep visiting me are back but I'm working again at shedding them. It's just next to impossible without being able to exercise.
Life in general is good otherwise. I'm plugging away little by little at getting Rocky Mountain Dog Runner up and running and will market more after the holidays. Still collecting un-employment and the search for a job will begin again in January. It's been nice to be able to take a break and breathe. I've been able to get to things around the house that needed to be done and to take my time getting my business up and running. I feel extremely lucky and know it won't last so I'm taking full advantage.
Caseyism for today: "Mom, how did you and dad make me?" Me: "With love" Casey: "So, hugs and kisses.... and a hammer?" Me: "Yep, just like that"
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Three surgeries in the past year, what's your excuse?
I wanted to wear this sign on my back during the Denver Rock n Roll half marathon last weekend. I felt the need to explain why I was so slow. It's not like I'm fast when I'm prepared either, I just have a hard time performing at less than par for me. I also know that no one cares that I'm slow, or why I am. Anyway, I made it through the race. I actually ran most of it and finished at 2:48. My best is 2:13. It was a gorgeous day for 16,000 runners. I as truly inspired by many of the people in the race. I saw at least two women with chemo haircuts, many older folks and one very overweight man hobbling through with a cane. I like to imagine that the race was his new beginning to a better life.
My legs are still stiff (and I am loving that feeling). I am reminded that there actually are muscles in there somewhere. The thing I don't like is that my ribs are incredibly sore, like under my stitches. It kept me from running even more during the race. I ran with my fists jabbed into my ribs at times because that provided some support. They're still sore and had a hard time walking the dogs this morning. I am supposed to start boot camp, but am putting it off until the soreness goes away. I called my PA yesterday just be sure I haven't caused any damage, that the pain I'm feeling is just my body getting back to moving again.
It feels good to be back in the game (again). Hopefully no more setbacks.
My legs are still stiff (and I am loving that feeling). I am reminded that there actually are muscles in there somewhere. The thing I don't like is that my ribs are incredibly sore, like under my stitches. It kept me from running even more during the race. I ran with my fists jabbed into my ribs at times because that provided some support. They're still sore and had a hard time walking the dogs this morning. I am supposed to start boot camp, but am putting it off until the soreness goes away. I called my PA yesterday just be sure I haven't caused any damage, that the pain I'm feeling is just my body getting back to moving again.
It feels good to be back in the game (again). Hopefully no more setbacks.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
a month
I can't believe a whole month has gone by since what better be my final surgery! It flew by. Overall, I am happy with the results. At first they were swollen and my boobs actually had a more "real" look to them, but alas, they are still two grapefruits adhered to my ribs. Smaller grapefruits, but round and unnatural just the same. Oh well. I'm feeling good and normal. I started running again this week. It's sad, pathetic and slow, but I am so glad to be back at it. I've signed up for boot camp for November. I am now regretting it, but need to follow through. It's at one of those places with no music, no tv's, and some hyper, slightly mean, ex-marine running the class. I need this to get me back in shape. I am a total and complete blob.
As for losing my job, it has been the best thing. I cannot believe how much happier I am. I think that place was really bringing me down and although I had a paycheck, it had a way of making me feel stupid and useless. I have since been lucky enough to land a temporary work at home position as a search engine evaluator. It's tedious work, so I'm not getting a ton of hours in, but I'm able to collect some unemployment to make up for my lack of hours. The position will end in 6 months, so I'll need to figure out a new plan by then. They're also very strict about work quality, so it is entirely possible they'll fire me sooner than that.
I have jumped in to working on Rocky Mountain Dog Runner. It's a lot of fun. I've created my facebook page and am working on setting my rates and getting my website going. Corey took some pictures of me with the dogs yesterday for the website. Luckily, he was able to snap some shots that didn't show the dogs pulling me down the trail. I'm taking it slowly since I really don't have the time to do much with Casey here most days. I plan on more on marketing when Casey is in school next Fall. It's weird how much I've been working on this venture. Maybe this one will stick.
I am loving the season and enjoying my family. Corey and I celebrated our 12th anniversary last month. We are still as happy as ever and had a great simple night out.
Happy Fall!
As for losing my job, it has been the best thing. I cannot believe how much happier I am. I think that place was really bringing me down and although I had a paycheck, it had a way of making me feel stupid and useless. I have since been lucky enough to land a temporary work at home position as a search engine evaluator. It's tedious work, so I'm not getting a ton of hours in, but I'm able to collect some unemployment to make up for my lack of hours. The position will end in 6 months, so I'll need to figure out a new plan by then. They're also very strict about work quality, so it is entirely possible they'll fire me sooner than that.
I have jumped in to working on Rocky Mountain Dog Runner. It's a lot of fun. I've created my facebook page and am working on setting my rates and getting my website going. Corey took some pictures of me with the dogs yesterday for the website. Luckily, he was able to snap some shots that didn't show the dogs pulling me down the trail. I'm taking it slowly since I really don't have the time to do much with Casey here most days. I plan on more on marketing when Casey is in school next Fall. It's weird how much I've been working on this venture. Maybe this one will stick.
I am loving the season and enjoying my family. Corey and I celebrated our 12th anniversary last month. We are still as happy as ever and had a great simple night out.
Happy Fall!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
lost my job
You know how they say you can actually make things happen in your life, just by the power of your thoughts? I don't know if it was a little of that and a little of knowing it was coming, but I am officially unemployed. In some ways it sucks, but I think I've been prepared for this. I didn't want to keep coming here and answering the phone, it was exhausting emotionally and depressing. The only worry I have now is money. It's not like I made a whole lot, but it paid for Casey's pre-school, so now the question is whether we can afford to keep her in school. She's four, so she really should be in pre-school. Of course there are ways of finding the money, but it feels like we're tight enough already.
I have an exam starting today to work a temporary job with Leapforce. It's only a 6 month term and I hear the test is really hard, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up. But, I am a really good test taker for what it's worth. I'm not even sure what that means, but I've always done well on standardized tests and found them easy, so we'll see.
Today has been weird. My boss sat down and started with "You know how much I like you..." I held back the tears cause how unprofessional is that? It's just a really weird feeling to be let go and the knee jerk reaction (for me) is to cry. Anyway, we've said our goodbyes and he will keep me as a contractor for any research that comes up (the only part I liked about my job). I do wholeheartedly believe that things happen that push you toward bigger and better things. I won't say "things happen for a reason" cause I hate that saying. Tomato, tomatoe.
Anyway, that's life today. Hoping for the best with the Leapforce test and I'll take it from there. I also want to start a pet sitting business. I love dogs more than people and would really enjoy that, just need the shove to get started and the courage to believe I can do it.
I have an exam starting today to work a temporary job with Leapforce. It's only a 6 month term and I hear the test is really hard, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up. But, I am a really good test taker for what it's worth. I'm not even sure what that means, but I've always done well on standardized tests and found them easy, so we'll see.
Today has been weird. My boss sat down and started with "You know how much I like you..." I held back the tears cause how unprofessional is that? It's just a really weird feeling to be let go and the knee jerk reaction (for me) is to cry. Anyway, we've said our goodbyes and he will keep me as a contractor for any research that comes up (the only part I liked about my job). I do wholeheartedly believe that things happen that push you toward bigger and better things. I won't say "things happen for a reason" cause I hate that saying. Tomato, tomatoe.
Anyway, that's life today. Hoping for the best with the Leapforce test and I'll take it from there. I also want to start a pet sitting business. I love dogs more than people and would really enjoy that, just need the shove to get started and the courage to believe I can do it.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Happy September!
It finally feels like Fall is on the way. Well, not by noon it won't, but it was actually just a tiny bit chilly this morning while I walked the dogs, so pleasant and energizing.
So, what better be my final surgery is on Tuesday. Had my pre-op appointment Monday. Nothing new to report. We talked about going down 50cc's at the most. I'm good with that. We talked about pain, and restrictions and I once again begin to worry about the housework. But this time so much less than before. I think I've just begun to realize how fast time passes and that four weeks, is really nothing. Dr. B asks "So, are you excited?" I don't think excited is the word. Anxious and ready is more like it. I could see my boobs bobbing along out of the corner of my eye, as I walked the dogs. No more of that I hope.
Casey had her first soccer practice last night. Cutest thing ever. Go Sparkle Ponies! What's even cuter is her enthusiasm. Each time they came off the field for water, she would announce "I am so good at soccer." I love it. After practice we hung around, just for a minute. The sun was at a perfect angle and I saw my kids walking toward me, together, smiling. I swear it was the most beautiful thing I'd seen, ever. Man I love my kids.
Best song I heard on my walk this morning: Forever Young by Bob Dylan. When Dylan was born, some friends of my parents had written out the words to the song on a card (you know, with his name being Dylan and all). It really is a lovely song and has had a special place in my heart ever since.
True to form, I have stopped running. I just don't see the point with surgery ready to catapult me back to square one with fitness.
Happy early Fall, I love this time of year.
So, what better be my final surgery is on Tuesday. Had my pre-op appointment Monday. Nothing new to report. We talked about going down 50cc's at the most. I'm good with that. We talked about pain, and restrictions and I once again begin to worry about the housework. But this time so much less than before. I think I've just begun to realize how fast time passes and that four weeks, is really nothing. Dr. B asks "So, are you excited?" I don't think excited is the word. Anxious and ready is more like it. I could see my boobs bobbing along out of the corner of my eye, as I walked the dogs. No more of that I hope.
Casey had her first soccer practice last night. Cutest thing ever. Go Sparkle Ponies! What's even cuter is her enthusiasm. Each time they came off the field for water, she would announce "I am so good at soccer." I love it. After practice we hung around, just for a minute. The sun was at a perfect angle and I saw my kids walking toward me, together, smiling. I swear it was the most beautiful thing I'd seen, ever. Man I love my kids.
Best song I heard on my walk this morning: Forever Young by Bob Dylan. When Dylan was born, some friends of my parents had written out the words to the song on a card (you know, with his name being Dylan and all). It really is a lovely song and has had a special place in my heart ever since.
True to form, I have stopped running. I just don't see the point with surgery ready to catapult me back to square one with fitness.
Happy early Fall, I love this time of year.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Fido Fest
There is no happier place for me, than to be surrounded by dogs and the people who love them. We went to Fido Fest in Castle Rock last weekend and pet as many dogs as we could get our hands on. I purchased a double leash for Fletcher and Livvy and we watched the cutest dog contest, which included a beautiful pit bull with the best manners I have ever seen, being directed by a six year old girl. I have a special place in my heart for the breed. They are the most misunderstood and mistreated dog and it just breaks my heart. There are no bad dogs, only bad owners. Anyway, after we had enough of the Fest, we decided to pay a visit to the Dumb Friends League across the highway and donate some money and look at the dogs. Dylan fell in love with a puppy that we couldn't have for so many reasons. He stood there, in the middle of the dog enclosure, crying and hugging me. My only response was to cry with him and stroke his hair. If I could, I'd save them all. Poor little angels. People suck.
We came home and showered our three current canines with hugs and kisses and the promise to take care of them as best we can.
Casey-isms:
"You can tell which room is Dylan's because of the bump-head" (bunk bed)
"Mom, I bless you'd in the hall" (sneezed)
"Hey, wanna play 'sticker, sticker, what's your game?'" (wha??)
Friday, August 13, 2010
sad, sad display
I like to consider myself an athlete, at least a little bit, having run 8 half marathons, one full and countless 5K and 10K but this morning would beg to differ.
I decided that I would strap Casey on the back of my purple Wal-Mart bike and ride with Dylan to school. It's only about a mile, but boy what a mile. At the time I committed to this, I didn't realize the hills I would encounter. I went with a friend from around the corner who has four kids and is training for a triathlon. I'm not sure she's human. I asked her not to laugh at me (like my husband would) but that I'd give it a try.
I made it with one walking break on the way home. I am pale, sweaty and nauseous, like a first day Biggest Loser contestant. Dylan made it just fine and I am proud of our efforts to get a little exercise and fresh air and save a buck from riding the bus.
Unfortunately, I have to do it all again to pick him up from school.
I decided that I would strap Casey on the back of my purple Wal-Mart bike and ride with Dylan to school. It's only about a mile, but boy what a mile. At the time I committed to this, I didn't realize the hills I would encounter. I went with a friend from around the corner who has four kids and is training for a triathlon. I'm not sure she's human. I asked her not to laugh at me (like my husband would) but that I'd give it a try.
I made it with one walking break on the way home. I am pale, sweaty and nauseous, like a first day Biggest Loser contestant. Dylan made it just fine and I am proud of our efforts to get a little exercise and fresh air and save a buck from riding the bus.
Unfortunately, I have to do it all again to pick him up from school.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Gymnastics
I have this son, who really has no interest in playing sports. He's wiry and energetic, so I know he's got some potential in there somewhere. I feel like we have tried it all and nothing has stuck. We have done soccer (3 times) football (2 times) baseball, ice skating, Tae Kwon Do (3 times) and signed him up for a 5K race which he never made it to. It is becoming increasingly frustrating. I just want the kid to find his "thing". Something he's pretty good at, and is willing to work at. I get chills seeing other kids succeed in sports and understand how proud his parents must feel.
Dylan will be nine in a few weeks and it is time for him to find his place, before everyone exceeds him (cause they've been doing it since they could walk).
Our latest experiment is gymnastics. We took him last night for a trial class. I watched as the boys who are good enough to compete were practicing. I was amazed at the strength and fludity of their moves. I was watching these kids practice so hard, over and over. They want to exceed, all on their own. That's all I want for D. To have something he gives a crap about. I don't even care if he's good, but for him to have the drive to practice would be enough. I love to run. I'm not fast, but I love to run. That's all.
Corey and I watched while the coach worked with him. That boy is a true beginner. We commented how he looked like a windsock, legs flailing about, no form whatsoever and tongue outside his lips to help him concentrate. He came off the floor sweaty and smiling. Mission accomplished, he starts next week. I know this is only the first session, but I honestly have not seen him so excited about a sport, ever. I am beaming with pride and hope. Let's hope it sticks.
Dylan will be nine in a few weeks and it is time for him to find his place, before everyone exceeds him (cause they've been doing it since they could walk).
Our latest experiment is gymnastics. We took him last night for a trial class. I watched as the boys who are good enough to compete were practicing. I was amazed at the strength and fludity of their moves. I was watching these kids practice so hard, over and over. They want to exceed, all on their own. That's all I want for D. To have something he gives a crap about. I don't even care if he's good, but for him to have the drive to practice would be enough. I love to run. I'm not fast, but I love to run. That's all.
Corey and I watched while the coach worked with him. That boy is a true beginner. We commented how he looked like a windsock, legs flailing about, no form whatsoever and tongue outside his lips to help him concentrate. He came off the floor sweaty and smiling. Mission accomplished, he starts next week. I know this is only the first session, but I honestly have not seen him so excited about a sport, ever. I am beaming with pride and hope. Let's hope it sticks.
Monday, August 2, 2010
crappy day... pleasant night
So, things have been all around crappy lately. Nothing really in particular; the end of summer, my flippin' stress fracture, worries about looking for a new job and money. You know, the usual.
Tonight has been lovely though. Well, lovely after the part where Dylan got in major trouble, sent to his room and lost Wii for three days. After dinner, sometimes the kids and I like to go for a walk. When things have finally cooled down and to waste a little time before the late summer bedtime. Tonight, it started to rain, but it didn't stop us. We popped some popcorn to take along in some old gift bags and threw on our rain jackets. It was heavenly. Then it poured and we headed home. Corey came to find us to see if we needed a ride. Silly man. He also made me take the umbrella which he knew I wouldn't use. I'm from Colorado. We don't use umbrellas. period.
When we got back home, we listened to rather loud music. The kids sitting on the kitchen counter and me folding laundry. Then Dylan moved to the couch to read SkyMall. I know, I know, but at least he's reading.
Anyway, a perfect summer night. As long as the kids don't screw it up by being obnoxious about going to bed, it will all end well.
Tonight has been lovely though. Well, lovely after the part where Dylan got in major trouble, sent to his room and lost Wii for three days. After dinner, sometimes the kids and I like to go for a walk. When things have finally cooled down and to waste a little time before the late summer bedtime. Tonight, it started to rain, but it didn't stop us. We popped some popcorn to take along in some old gift bags and threw on our rain jackets. It was heavenly. Then it poured and we headed home. Corey came to find us to see if we needed a ride. Silly man. He also made me take the umbrella which he knew I wouldn't use. I'm from Colorado. We don't use umbrellas. period.
When we got back home, we listened to rather loud music. The kids sitting on the kitchen counter and me folding laundry. Then Dylan moved to the couch to read SkyMall. I know, I know, but at least he's reading.
Anyway, a perfect summer night. As long as the kids don't screw it up by being obnoxious about going to bed, it will all end well.
Monday, July 26, 2010
&*%$# stress fracture
Stress fracture is back. I was just getting back into running and exercise, and it's back. This sucks. Not an easy way to lose weight when you can't burn any calories. I think I've decided to go ahead with the nipples ASAP since I'm out of commission anyway, exercise wise. I have been thinking about going smaller though before I get the nips done. My issue though is that if the base of the implant is the same size no matter what, then it does me no good, that would just make for flatter pancakes. I think I'll call my PA again. :)
Watching my calories very carefully. I can do this, I know I can.
Watching my calories very carefully. I can do this, I know I can.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
It's on!
What's on is my quest to be fit again. Let me first say that this is the first time in history where no weight was gained on vacation. I'm in shock. I've even made my kids get on the scale to make sure it's accurate. I think being vegan in the South helped a bit with this one. No cookies my skinny sister in law made, no ice cream at the beach (which I truly missed, as an experience), no real entrees except veggie burgers and vegetables. My mother in law was so sweet to cater to my restrictions. Instead of using butter to cook her vegetables, she used Crisco. Thank you (I think).
Anyway, so yesterday, my son Dylan looks at me as I'm waving my arm and points to it and giggles and says "jiggle jiggle". If that's not a hint that I need to exercise... I can't even repeat what he said about my thighs. I'm still trying to erase that one from my memory.
My foot is better and I have been back to running, ever so slowly. I don't want to risk re-injury. I'm only up to 2 miles and am going for 3 this weekend. I am just so damn happy to be running again. I actually smile when I know it's a running morning. I took my two insanely crazy dogs running this morning. It used to be just Fletcher, but Livvy has caught on and I can't look at her face and not take her too. I know we look like a circus act running down the street. This is how my morning goes: 5:30-6:00am, my big dog rams the side of the bed and nudges my hand with his wet nose until I get up. Both he and Livvy race down the stairs and are literally underfoot as I get my running clothes on. Fletcher runs around with one sock or the other in his mouth until I yank it from his mouth and put the wet thing on. Then we head out. It's nutty, but it makes me smile to see them both so happy.
So, I'm on the quest to finally lose 4 pounds and tighten up. This is it. No more excuses.
On the boob front, they seem to be getting lower, like the whole thing is slipping. I know my PA thinks I've lost it and let me schedule a pity appointment. We'll see what they say. She did say Dr. B could fix it at my nipple construction.
Happy Summer!
Anyway, so yesterday, my son Dylan looks at me as I'm waving my arm and points to it and giggles and says "jiggle jiggle". If that's not a hint that I need to exercise... I can't even repeat what he said about my thighs. I'm still trying to erase that one from my memory.
My foot is better and I have been back to running, ever so slowly. I don't want to risk re-injury. I'm only up to 2 miles and am going for 3 this weekend. I am just so damn happy to be running again. I actually smile when I know it's a running morning. I took my two insanely crazy dogs running this morning. It used to be just Fletcher, but Livvy has caught on and I can't look at her face and not take her too. I know we look like a circus act running down the street. This is how my morning goes: 5:30-6:00am, my big dog rams the side of the bed and nudges my hand with his wet nose until I get up. Both he and Livvy race down the stairs and are literally underfoot as I get my running clothes on. Fletcher runs around with one sock or the other in his mouth until I yank it from his mouth and put the wet thing on. Then we head out. It's nutty, but it makes me smile to see them both so happy.
So, I'm on the quest to finally lose 4 pounds and tighten up. This is it. No more excuses.
On the boob front, they seem to be getting lower, like the whole thing is slipping. I know my PA thinks I've lost it and let me schedule a pity appointment. We'll see what they say. She did say Dr. B could fix it at my nipple construction.
Happy Summer!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
don't yell at my dogs
So, I walk my dogs, 2 out of 3, almost every morning. I'm the first to admit they're obnoxious. It's like walking a marionette, with one string pulling this way, one pulling that, and getting tangled in the process. Fletcher has been to doggie school, though you wouldn't know it by the looks of him on a leash and Olivia is just a hopping barking mess. Anyway, we walk past this old man at the tennis court, and Fletcher of course sticks his nose in this man's tennis bag as we walk past. I pull him out, all the while Livvy is barking and hopping toward the man on her tight leash. He lunges toward her yelling "Get out of here!! Get out of here!!" I turn around and scream "DON'T YELL AT MY DOG!" Great way to start the morning, don't ya think? Wish I would have followed up with "lighten up, life's too short" to maybe put into perspective what an asshole he was being.
Anyway, moving on. I have to mention how proud I was of Casey last week. She handled herself in a way I never could when it comes to friends. We were at a friends house for "happy hour" (aka moms drink on the porch while the kids play in the yard). She and her friend Anna were coloring. When Casey stepped inside for a moment, Anna proceeded to scribble all over one of the pages already colored. I sat there not knowing what to say and wondering how Casey would react. Casey returned, saw the scribble and her bottom lip poked out, her brow furrowed and she looked at me like she was going to cry. She then said to Anna "You ruined it". Then she proceeded to go "Let's find a different page". Way to move on Casey!
Then, here's the good part. Anna began to color and Casey proceeded to scribble on Anna's page to tease her as she had been teased. Anna promptly said "You're not my friend anymore" to which Casey replied "Look around Anna, do you see anyone else to play with? There's no one else here, you have to be my friend."
I just hope this confidence carries her though High School and all the crap that will be thrown at her then. Off to a good start.
Dylan lost another tooth this morning. Poor guy has more holes than teeth at this point. We call him gummy bear, four teeth across the top in a row gone, and now one on the bottom.
Summer is great so far, going by way too quickly, but I am enjoying every moment with my kids. Off to NC next week to see the in-laws and a quick trip to the beach.
Anyway, moving on. I have to mention how proud I was of Casey last week. She handled herself in a way I never could when it comes to friends. We were at a friends house for "happy hour" (aka moms drink on the porch while the kids play in the yard). She and her friend Anna were coloring. When Casey stepped inside for a moment, Anna proceeded to scribble all over one of the pages already colored. I sat there not knowing what to say and wondering how Casey would react. Casey returned, saw the scribble and her bottom lip poked out, her brow furrowed and she looked at me like she was going to cry. She then said to Anna "You ruined it". Then she proceeded to go "Let's find a different page". Way to move on Casey!
Then, here's the good part. Anna began to color and Casey proceeded to scribble on Anna's page to tease her as she had been teased. Anna promptly said "You're not my friend anymore" to which Casey replied "Look around Anna, do you see anyone else to play with? There's no one else here, you have to be my friend."
I just hope this confidence carries her though High School and all the crap that will be thrown at her then. Off to a good start.
Dylan lost another tooth this morning. Poor guy has more holes than teeth at this point. We call him gummy bear, four teeth across the top in a row gone, and now one on the bottom.
Summer is great so far, going by way too quickly, but I am enjoying every moment with my kids. Off to NC next week to see the in-laws and a quick trip to the beach.
Monday, June 14, 2010
catching up
It seems so incredibly long since I've posted a blog, or blogged, or whatever you call it. Life is moving fast and I'm holding on tight. Although there's nothing earth shattering to report, I'm disappointed that I haven't kept up in the interest of keeping track of things I'd like to remember. Like my girls weekend with my ever sweet baby girl and some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth that cracks me up. Like "Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest at the mall?"
We dropped Dylan off at his first attempt at sleep away camp. It brought back so many memories of my days at "Rainbow Trail". I think this is ever important for him. To be outdoors, non-stop, with no parents, no tv, no video games. He's in a cabin with 8 other boys (Lord help the counselors) including his cousin. He was grinning from ear to ear as we left him yesterday. On the way home, Casey had a ball declaring all that we were going to do since she was the only child. "Dad, when we get home, we're playing house. Do you want to be the dog, or the kitty?" She gets a real kick out of being the only kid. Life was so much less stressful last night, just the three of us. It's a nice break. It would have been the same if Casey had gone away, just one less child really slows the pace.
I haven't run in close to 6 weeks. I have a stress fracture in my foot (or so I've self-diagnosed). It appears to be getting better, but every time I think it's better, it comes back. Needless to say, I have never wanted to run so badly in my life! I'm soft, very soft and a few pounds heavier. Oh well, could be worse I suppose.
I have decided that I am sick of the suburbs. I don't know that moving is an option, but I just don't feel myself sometimes. I took the kids to the zoo last week and my heart skips a beat as I drive through those neighborhoods closer to town. We drove by our old house. The one Corey and I lived in until Dylan was six months, and also the one I grew up in. The tree lined sidewalks, the older houses with character, the little flower shop within walking distance. *sigh* I just miss it so and sometimes think there's more people like me there. I do have some wonderful friends and neighbors here and the kids are happy, so it's doubtful anything will come of it. Bloom where you are planted. At least that's what I keep trying to tell myself.
We dropped Dylan off at his first attempt at sleep away camp. It brought back so many memories of my days at "Rainbow Trail". I think this is ever important for him. To be outdoors, non-stop, with no parents, no tv, no video games. He's in a cabin with 8 other boys (Lord help the counselors) including his cousin. He was grinning from ear to ear as we left him yesterday. On the way home, Casey had a ball declaring all that we were going to do since she was the only child. "Dad, when we get home, we're playing house. Do you want to be the dog, or the kitty?" She gets a real kick out of being the only kid. Life was so much less stressful last night, just the three of us. It's a nice break. It would have been the same if Casey had gone away, just one less child really slows the pace.
I haven't run in close to 6 weeks. I have a stress fracture in my foot (or so I've self-diagnosed). It appears to be getting better, but every time I think it's better, it comes back. Needless to say, I have never wanted to run so badly in my life! I'm soft, very soft and a few pounds heavier. Oh well, could be worse I suppose.
I have decided that I am sick of the suburbs. I don't know that moving is an option, but I just don't feel myself sometimes. I took the kids to the zoo last week and my heart skips a beat as I drive through those neighborhoods closer to town. We drove by our old house. The one Corey and I lived in until Dylan was six months, and also the one I grew up in. The tree lined sidewalks, the older houses with character, the little flower shop within walking distance. *sigh* I just miss it so and sometimes think there's more people like me there. I do have some wonderful friends and neighbors here and the kids are happy, so it's doubtful anything will come of it. Bloom where you are planted. At least that's what I keep trying to tell myself.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
AZ
Ahhh, mini vacay in Scottsdale. It's lovely down here, especially in contrast to the Seattleish weather Denver has been having. When I waiting for the shuttle bus in Denver, cold and rainy, again. I didn't get in until last night, so I haven't been here in the heat of the day, but it feels tropical even though it's incredibly dry. Warm breeze, sitting in the shade as the sun goes down, drinking oh so many Greyhounds.
Corey is here for work, so this is the cheap couples alternative. Just a plane ticket for me and free hotel and meals through Corey. It's perfect. My parents are with my kids which I have to continually put out of my mind and just assume it's going smoothly. I told Dylan not to pull this bickering crap with my parents cause they're old and can't handle it as beautifully as I do (ha!). He just says "old people are fun!"
I met up with one of my favorite people, KC, last night. She lives here and we used to work together in Charlotte. We were out partying most of the nights we were together in Charlotte. Sundays were big for us. Drinks by the dinky little pool at my apartment, then head on down the road to drink outdoors at our favorite bar where we'd order things like cheese fries. Last night there was no shortage on drinks, but chips and salsa replaced the cheese fries and somewhat mature conversations emerged. You know, kids, fitness, husbands, etc. KC just turned 40 and I have to say she is the hottest 40 year old I know. She looks amazing, probably better than when we hung out at 20 something. I'll have to post a picture. We tried to get Corey to take one last night, but it was a joke. Couldn't get it quite right. Going to try and meet up with her again and see her house and meet her little girls.
Anyway, I'm babbling in my little hung over stupor. Looking forward to some kid free time with Corey and a more subdued evening. Then it's back to Denver tomorrow morning. Short, but sweet and believe it or not, I do miss those kids already. Sad, I know.
Corey is here for work, so this is the cheap couples alternative. Just a plane ticket for me and free hotel and meals through Corey. It's perfect. My parents are with my kids which I have to continually put out of my mind and just assume it's going smoothly. I told Dylan not to pull this bickering crap with my parents cause they're old and can't handle it as beautifully as I do (ha!). He just says "old people are fun!"
I met up with one of my favorite people, KC, last night. She lives here and we used to work together in Charlotte. We were out partying most of the nights we were together in Charlotte. Sundays were big for us. Drinks by the dinky little pool at my apartment, then head on down the road to drink outdoors at our favorite bar where we'd order things like cheese fries. Last night there was no shortage on drinks, but chips and salsa replaced the cheese fries and somewhat mature conversations emerged. You know, kids, fitness, husbands, etc. KC just turned 40 and I have to say she is the hottest 40 year old I know. She looks amazing, probably better than when we hung out at 20 something. I'll have to post a picture. We tried to get Corey to take one last night, but it was a joke. Couldn't get it quite right. Going to try and meet up with her again and see her house and meet her little girls.
Anyway, I'm babbling in my little hung over stupor. Looking forward to some kid free time with Corey and a more subdued evening. Then it's back to Denver tomorrow morning. Short, but sweet and believe it or not, I do miss those kids already. Sad, I know.
Monday, May 10, 2010
giddy
I feel really happy in the first time in sooo long. I would even venture to say I feel giddy. It's great because just like the sadness, I can't really pinpoint why, I just am. I had a perfect Mother's Day. My sister and her three kids came and spent the night with us on Saturday. Sunday morning, we both got to sleep in while my husband got up with the 5 kids and made us toast and fruit. Actually, it turns out the kids watched Scooby Doo while he made the breakfast, but hey, it was their idea, so that counts, right?
I bought myself flowers on Friday. I think I should always have fresh flowers in my house, what a difference it makes. Anyway, there wasn't anything particularly outstanding about yesterday, but just some great family time outside. I am very grateful and happy to be a mama.
I watched The Blind Side with my sister on Saturday night. Wow, what a great movie. I love the woman Sandra Bullock played. She doesn't take any shit and does the right thing, no matter the consequences. Shouldn't we all be a little more like that? Corey told me he wanted to adopt a black baby after seeing it. He doesn't know he really shouldn't mention things to me like that, cause I just might run with it.
I got a disastrous haircut on Saturday. I have been through more stylists than I can count. I have crazy curly/straight/coarse/unruly hair so when I find someone I like, I stick with them, well, until they screw up. I haven't had my hair highlighted in over a year because the last time I went, they gave me ASH BLONDE highlights, like all over. My hair is so dark it's almost black. Ash blonde is not a good match. I looked about 70 years old when I left and took myself promptly to the grocery store for a bottle of plain old brown to cover the mess.
Sooo, I signed up for highlights again, this time with a girl who has cut my hair 2-3 times, and I've been really happy. She asked me to be her "model" since she was trying to get on at a new salon and would cut me a deal in doing so.
We talked caramel color highlights. Long story short, she took the towel off and low and behold, we've got ash blonde. I hated to be a pain but asked her to tone it again. This time it came out better, but not great. It's very flat and dull. My hair looks like it's been through a dust storm. THEN, I ask for her to trim me up some bangs. She promptly cuts straight across ABOVE my eyebrows. I have Katy Perry bangs and seeing as I'm not some 20 something cool rocker chick, I look like a dork. They'll grow, no harm done, but to top it off, there was no discount. What?? After all that and 4 hours later, you're going to charge me $110? I didn't leave her a tip. I didn't mean not to, seriously, but I think I was so shocked at the cost, that I subconsciously didn't. I can't ever go back and my quest for a hairstylist continues.
Oh well, nothing is going to get in the way of my giddyness.
I bought myself flowers on Friday. I think I should always have fresh flowers in my house, what a difference it makes. Anyway, there wasn't anything particularly outstanding about yesterday, but just some great family time outside. I am very grateful and happy to be a mama.
I watched The Blind Side with my sister on Saturday night. Wow, what a great movie. I love the woman Sandra Bullock played. She doesn't take any shit and does the right thing, no matter the consequences. Shouldn't we all be a little more like that? Corey told me he wanted to adopt a black baby after seeing it. He doesn't know he really shouldn't mention things to me like that, cause I just might run with it.
I got a disastrous haircut on Saturday. I have been through more stylists than I can count. I have crazy curly/straight/coarse/unruly hair so when I find someone I like, I stick with them, well, until they screw up. I haven't had my hair highlighted in over a year because the last time I went, they gave me ASH BLONDE highlights, like all over. My hair is so dark it's almost black. Ash blonde is not a good match. I looked about 70 years old when I left and took myself promptly to the grocery store for a bottle of plain old brown to cover the mess.
Sooo, I signed up for highlights again, this time with a girl who has cut my hair 2-3 times, and I've been really happy. She asked me to be her "model" since she was trying to get on at a new salon and would cut me a deal in doing so.
We talked caramel color highlights. Long story short, she took the towel off and low and behold, we've got ash blonde. I hated to be a pain but asked her to tone it again. This time it came out better, but not great. It's very flat and dull. My hair looks like it's been through a dust storm. THEN, I ask for her to trim me up some bangs. She promptly cuts straight across ABOVE my eyebrows. I have Katy Perry bangs and seeing as I'm not some 20 something cool rocker chick, I look like a dork. They'll grow, no harm done, but to top it off, there was no discount. What?? After all that and 4 hours later, you're going to charge me $110? I didn't leave her a tip. I didn't mean not to, seriously, but I think I was so shocked at the cost, that I subconsciously didn't. I can't ever go back and my quest for a hairstylist continues.
Oh well, nothing is going to get in the way of my giddyness.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
can't sleep....
Feeling unappreciated. As we're going to bed tonight, Corey checks and sees that the dogs have no water. He then begins to scold me. Of course I know it's important, those furry things are children to me, but somehow it gets overlooked from time to time. I tell him that he lives here too and he goes on to tell me how he's only here 2 hours a day, and that I'm basically here all the time. I'm pissed because I do E V E R Y T H I N G around here, or so it seems. Sure, Corey goes through spurts where he's super helpful, but it's not consistent. He took up the laundry duties after my first surgery, but that has really dropped off and he'd end up trying to do it all in one day and we'd have varying degress of laundry doneness hanging around and since I am the "putter awayer", that wasn't working out for me. I have since taken back that duty.
I know he works hard and long hours and he's tired but I don't forget to tell him how much we appreciate it. We lay in bed tonight and I tried to explain where I was coming from, that I was feeling unappreciated and could use just a little more help around here. He simply says "we do appreicate you". I didn't feel I'd made my point, so I rattle off everything I do;
pay the bills, check homework, pack lunches, take Casey to school because she sleeps too late for Corey to take her, pick Casey up from school because Corey works too late, clean the kitchen about 100 times a day, plan the meals, cook the meals, clean up from the meals, make the coffee every night for the next day, clean the house, clean the toilets (I'm pretty sure Corey has never cleaned a toilet in his adult life), change the air filter, feed the dogs or make sure Dylan does it, keep track of every piece of paper the kids bring home from school, take care of every piece of mail, plan vacations, send birthday/mothers day/fathers day cards, run all the errands, grocery shop, doctor appointments, dental appointments, keep our calendar straight, sign the kids up for classes, put the kids to bed, clean up the yard (this one Corey does quite often), walk the dogs, work three days a week, and the list continues.
He just listened and even inserted a job here and there as I rattled away. But what I was looking for was a realization, a real apology and a promise to do just a little. I don't expect much. As a part time stay at home mom and control freak, I happily assume most responsibility. But what would be nice is getting your beer bottle and popcorn bowl to the kitchen at the end of the night, not leaving your clothes in a heap on the floor for the laundry fairy to find and take care of, putting the kids to bed now and then. But no, he was done and promptly fell asleep, so that leaves me here, too agitated to sleep.
I know it's the same story us moms have been dealing with forever and sounds so cliche, but damn it, it's true. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow we'll have a new spurt of extreme helpfulness. Let's hope so.
I know he works hard and long hours and he's tired but I don't forget to tell him how much we appreciate it. We lay in bed tonight and I tried to explain where I was coming from, that I was feeling unappreciated and could use just a little more help around here. He simply says "we do appreicate you". I didn't feel I'd made my point, so I rattle off everything I do;
pay the bills, check homework, pack lunches, take Casey to school because she sleeps too late for Corey to take her, pick Casey up from school because Corey works too late, clean the kitchen about 100 times a day, plan the meals, cook the meals, clean up from the meals, make the coffee every night for the next day, clean the house, clean the toilets (I'm pretty sure Corey has never cleaned a toilet in his adult life), change the air filter, feed the dogs or make sure Dylan does it, keep track of every piece of paper the kids bring home from school, take care of every piece of mail, plan vacations, send birthday/mothers day/fathers day cards, run all the errands, grocery shop, doctor appointments, dental appointments, keep our calendar straight, sign the kids up for classes, put the kids to bed, clean up the yard (this one Corey does quite often), walk the dogs, work three days a week, and the list continues.
He just listened and even inserted a job here and there as I rattled away. But what I was looking for was a realization, a real apology and a promise to do just a little. I don't expect much. As a part time stay at home mom and control freak, I happily assume most responsibility. But what would be nice is getting your beer bottle and popcorn bowl to the kitchen at the end of the night, not leaving your clothes in a heap on the floor for the laundry fairy to find and take care of, putting the kids to bed now and then. But no, he was done and promptly fell asleep, so that leaves me here, too agitated to sleep.
I know it's the same story us moms have been dealing with forever and sounds so cliche, but damn it, it's true. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow we'll have a new spurt of extreme helpfulness. Let's hope so.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Here comes the sun...
Finally. I feel better. I've been wallowing in some sort of depression for what feels like months. I felt like my life was a constant scramble up loose rocks to stay happy, or even to feel the absence of sadness. It wasn't a crying sad, just a cloud.
Work had been really slow, running was non-existent, the clouds literally covered the sun for weeks, etc. etc. I worked every day to keep the sadness from getting the best of me. Again, I'd like to blame the whole breast cancer thing, because at least that I can understand.
Since then, work has picked up, I've started running again, and it looks like Spring is finally here. It's still good days/bad days, but the good days are better and the bad aren't so low.
Boobs are fine. Still seem a bit big, but I'll get used to it. My PS smiled when he saw me and said that they looked good. I really think he meant it, I could see it in his face. They still feel completely foreign. I'm numb up to where my necklace hits, although, when I was at the PS last, I scratched somewhere in between the two, and felt something. I was really excited and so was the PA. Nipples will be in August, after the summer. This way I won't have the shields on with my swimsuit, or worry about swimming at all.
The rest of life is moving along at lightning speed. School is almost out for the summer (lord help me) and I'm gearing up for trips planned. Running is ok. Only up to about 2 miles. The boobs seem really tight when I'm running, but not painful, so I'll keep trudging along.
This all sounds pretty boring, but I'm just glad to be coming out of the fog.
Work had been really slow, running was non-existent, the clouds literally covered the sun for weeks, etc. etc. I worked every day to keep the sadness from getting the best of me. Again, I'd like to blame the whole breast cancer thing, because at least that I can understand.
Since then, work has picked up, I've started running again, and it looks like Spring is finally here. It's still good days/bad days, but the good days are better and the bad aren't so low.
Boobs are fine. Still seem a bit big, but I'll get used to it. My PS smiled when he saw me and said that they looked good. I really think he meant it, I could see it in his face. They still feel completely foreign. I'm numb up to where my necklace hits, although, when I was at the PS last, I scratched somewhere in between the two, and felt something. I was really excited and so was the PA. Nipples will be in August, after the summer. This way I won't have the shields on with my swimsuit, or worry about swimming at all.
The rest of life is moving along at lightning speed. School is almost out for the summer (lord help me) and I'm gearing up for trips planned. Running is ok. Only up to about 2 miles. The boobs seem really tight when I'm running, but not painful, so I'll keep trudging along.
This all sounds pretty boring, but I'm just glad to be coming out of the fog.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
happy plans
In the interest of looking forward and moving to a happier existence, here are some things I'm looking forward to. After a looonng cloudy cold depressing winter, Spring and Summer plans are right around the corner, ready to lift me out of this mood, I just know it!
At the end of this month, my in-laws are coming for a visit. On the first weekend, we're going to Glenwood Springs. We've got reservations at the lodge, right by the hot springs. On the second weekend they're here, they're going away on an overnight, and suggested they take the kids. I think I'm happier about the latter.
This summer, Dylan is going to sleepaway camp, we're going to the beach and lake house in NC, Corey and I are going to AZ in May and one of my dearest friends lives there. It's a work trip for Corey, so it's cheap for me, just the flight. Let's hope my parents survive staying with my kids.
The list goes on into the Fall and next Christmas and I am really excited. I just need some time and a happy place to rejuvenate.
At the end of this month, my in-laws are coming for a visit. On the first weekend, we're going to Glenwood Springs. We've got reservations at the lodge, right by the hot springs. On the second weekend they're here, they're going away on an overnight, and suggested they take the kids. I think I'm happier about the latter.
This summer, Dylan is going to sleepaway camp, we're going to the beach and lake house in NC, Corey and I are going to AZ in May and one of my dearest friends lives there. It's a work trip for Corey, so it's cheap for me, just the flight. Let's hope my parents survive staying with my kids.
The list goes on into the Fall and next Christmas and I am really excited. I just need some time and a happy place to rejuvenate.
grumpy pants
I'm not entirely sure what's up with me lately, but I've been in a funk. For weeks. I'm not unhappy, but not entirely jubilant either and it's driving me crazy. I'm sure I'm just in a downward spiral and that negativity begets negativity, but haven't had the energy to dig out. The purpose of this blog is to getit out there and MOVE ON. I can't live like this. My patience is beyond zero with the kids and I hear way too many mean and sarcastic remarks coming out of my mouth, and then get overly angry when I hear the same ones out of Dylan's mouth toward his sister. Ugh. I know I did this and I know it has to stop.
Boobs are ok. Too big, but what are ya gonna do?? I'll get used to them, these grapefruits stuck on the front of my ribs. They don't stick out too far, but are rather wide and oh so round. People keep saying I look great, but they don't feel right. They don't even fit in my hands. My real ones used to. It's like I'm palming a basketball.
One more week until my restrictions are lifted. Not that I've paid them any mind anyway. I didn't want to put the burden on Corey for all the housework. I also secretly feared nothing would get done. No ill will to Corey, he's just too busy and stressed to have one more thing on his plate either. I haven't lifted Casey or vacuumed or done the laundry, but everything else was fair game. I can run again next week, or at least try to. I have to think that part of this mood is caused by lack of exercise. I sure hope so.
I've stopped counting calories which is wonderful. I've lost pounds and am at my weight from last year, just where I want to be. Thank you vegan diet. I don't worry about what I eat. Is it vegan? Then I eat it. Not vegan? I don't. Plain and simple and it does the trick. Finally. I am still working on more vegetables, less sugar, but I'm making huge strides and feel good. I seriously cannot wait to run and exercise again. I feel soft.
Work has sucked lately. See, I get a whole $12 an hour to answer phones that don't ring. It pays for Casey's school and gives me just a little to bring home. Of course that's assuming my kids aren't sick and I haven't had to miss work. I also get research, which pays $40 an hour. I took the job because of the research. Problem is, there hasn't been any research since January and it's killing me. We got a tax refund, but that went straight to a new couch. Research better come soon, or I hardly think it's a job worth keeping. Corey's frustrated with his job and we've been questioning our purpose. If that's not stressful, I don't know what is. I don't handle change or a shift in routine very well.
There, done with my bitching. I have nothing to complain about.
Dylan made me an early mother's day card today and left it where I'd find it. He's such a sweetheart sometimes. Made my day. He must have known that I needed it.
Boobs are ok. Too big, but what are ya gonna do?? I'll get used to them, these grapefruits stuck on the front of my ribs. They don't stick out too far, but are rather wide and oh so round. People keep saying I look great, but they don't feel right. They don't even fit in my hands. My real ones used to. It's like I'm palming a basketball.
One more week until my restrictions are lifted. Not that I've paid them any mind anyway. I didn't want to put the burden on Corey for all the housework. I also secretly feared nothing would get done. No ill will to Corey, he's just too busy and stressed to have one more thing on his plate either. I haven't lifted Casey or vacuumed or done the laundry, but everything else was fair game. I can run again next week, or at least try to. I have to think that part of this mood is caused by lack of exercise. I sure hope so.
I've stopped counting calories which is wonderful. I've lost pounds and am at my weight from last year, just where I want to be. Thank you vegan diet. I don't worry about what I eat. Is it vegan? Then I eat it. Not vegan? I don't. Plain and simple and it does the trick. Finally. I am still working on more vegetables, less sugar, but I'm making huge strides and feel good. I seriously cannot wait to run and exercise again. I feel soft.
Work has sucked lately. See, I get a whole $12 an hour to answer phones that don't ring. It pays for Casey's school and gives me just a little to bring home. Of course that's assuming my kids aren't sick and I haven't had to miss work. I also get research, which pays $40 an hour. I took the job because of the research. Problem is, there hasn't been any research since January and it's killing me. We got a tax refund, but that went straight to a new couch. Research better come soon, or I hardly think it's a job worth keeping. Corey's frustrated with his job and we've been questioning our purpose. If that's not stressful, I don't know what is. I don't handle change or a shift in routine very well.
There, done with my bitching. I have nothing to complain about.
Dylan made me an early mother's day card today and left it where I'd find it. He's such a sweetheart sometimes. Made my day. He must have known that I needed it.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
love this
made me smile and cry... don't know why.
(and obviously don't know how to post this correctly, but just click the link)
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DzlfKdbWwruY&h=98406629fb681ba32d137413b3201d76
(and obviously don't know how to post this correctly, but just click the link)
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DzlfKdbWwruY&h=98406629fb681ba32d137413b3201d76
Friday, March 26, 2010
Time for the lovin'!
This is Casey's new thing and I'm eating it up. Out of nowhere, at least once a day, she announces "time for the lovin'!" with arms outstretched and comences kissing me all over my face and hugging with all her might. She uses it to her advantage, like after I've turned out the light, trying to leave her for bedtime. Or when I'm miffed at the sibling bickering. I'll take it. I need that to shake me out of my funk and remember what's important, and sacred, and lovely. To get out of the mean and into the love.
Trying to plan Casey's birthday at Build a Bear. For whatever reason, she calls it Bob the Builder. So if you ask her where she's having her party, it's at Bob the Builder. She has other names she's made up and won't let go of. TJMaxx=mac n cheese. Olive Garden=Blackberries. Build a Bear=Bob the Builder. The list goes on.
I wish they could stay little.
Trying to plan Casey's birthday at Build a Bear. For whatever reason, she calls it Bob the Builder. So if you ask her where she's having her party, it's at Bob the Builder. She has other names she's made up and won't let go of. TJMaxx=mac n cheese. Olive Garden=Blackberries. Build a Bear=Bob the Builder. The list goes on.
I wish they could stay little.
Friday, March 12, 2010
oncologist
So, I saw an oncologist today. I didn't really feel the need, but my surgeon said I should... so I did. I arrived early as requested to do paperwork. My appointment was at 10:00. At 10:45, I'm still waiting. I finally went to the desk, in tears, and asked what was going on. I had conned my parents into watching my kids and knew that I had to get back to relieve them. I know the Dr. has much more sick people to attend to, but something about that place just really got to me. I saw 3 bald women. I didn't feel like I belonged and after sitting in that stupid conference room, I didn't feel like I mattered. I sat in the waiting room again and just cried. The energy in there is sad and draining.
Anyway, I finally met with her. The appointment lasted a whole 30 minutes, rather than the allotted hour and a half. She alluded to the fact that I didn't really need to be there (this is a good thing) and I told her I was just doing as instructed. The point is I'm cured and shouldn't have to go back, yippee!
It's been a really emotional week, in every facet of my life. Pre-menstrual plus pre-surgical is a dangerous combination. Don't fuck with me this week.
I swear I hit every red light on the way home. Every one. I also went to Toys R Us for some promised $3 Barbie. This apparently does not exist. Fine by me, I hate that place and am happy not to give them my money, all $3 of it.
On a good note, one thing on my drive home made me smile. A big ol dog with his head stuck out of the sun roof, love it. I came home to my ever giving parents, a grumpy son and my daughgter on her 3rd jelly sandwich. I also the yummiest lunch. I know I haven't had chicken in like 15 years, but I'm pretty sure this is what it tastes like.
Glad the sun is out, but still wishing my days away until Tuesday. I just can't do much until then.
Anyway, I finally met with her. The appointment lasted a whole 30 minutes, rather than the allotted hour and a half. She alluded to the fact that I didn't really need to be there (this is a good thing) and I told her I was just doing as instructed. The point is I'm cured and shouldn't have to go back, yippee!
It's been a really emotional week, in every facet of my life. Pre-menstrual plus pre-surgical is a dangerous combination. Don't fuck with me this week.
I swear I hit every red light on the way home. Every one. I also went to Toys R Us for some promised $3 Barbie. This apparently does not exist. Fine by me, I hate that place and am happy not to give them my money, all $3 of it.
On a good note, one thing on my drive home made me smile. A big ol dog with his head stuck out of the sun roof, love it. I came home to my ever giving parents, a grumpy son and my daughgter on her 3rd jelly sandwich. I also the yummiest lunch. I know I haven't had chicken in like 15 years, but I'm pretty sure this is what it tastes like.
Glad the sun is out, but still wishing my days away until Tuesday. I just can't do much until then.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Krispy Kreme
Uh Oh.
This morning when I was going through the coupons, I came across one for Krispy Kreme. It was gross because it was only good on your second dozen. Um, no thanks. At that moment, little Casey reminded me that she wanted to get some doughnuts from the grocery store and that I said we could for a special treat one day. Apparently, today was that day. We decided Krispy Kreme was worth the drive.
I only bought 6 for the family. Yes, I know Krispy Kreme is not vegan. I have decided all along that a treat once in a while is ok. As I become more strict with my diet, I don't think it will be an option, but today it was. Plus, there are rumors that the original glazed really are vegan. I choose to believe those rumors.
My doughnut wasn't glazed though. I chose the creme filled/chocolate frosted. It was good, but much like my experience with pizza lately, it wasn't that good. If you've paid any attention to my blog, you know that I managed to choke it down anyway. They weren't the freshest and the bottom of the doughnut was kind of dry and left a film on the roof of my mouth. So, what did I do? I did what any sane, healthy, smart woman would do; I bit off the frosting, and licked out the creme inside. There, that's better. Then, I'm a little embarassed to say, I ate another frosted one while I waited for Casey to finish hers.
This whole episode has left me feeling a little sick, literally. I'm not beating myself up for it, I'm over that. With all the reading I've been doing lately, and through my own experiences with a changed diet, I know that you can train your taste buds and I'm hoping for the day when these don't appeal to me at all. This is progress however, because former Beth would have eaten three before feeling remorse and four before feeling sick.
This morning when I was going through the coupons, I came across one for Krispy Kreme. It was gross because it was only good on your second dozen. Um, no thanks. At that moment, little Casey reminded me that she wanted to get some doughnuts from the grocery store and that I said we could for a special treat one day. Apparently, today was that day. We decided Krispy Kreme was worth the drive.
I only bought 6 for the family. Yes, I know Krispy Kreme is not vegan. I have decided all along that a treat once in a while is ok. As I become more strict with my diet, I don't think it will be an option, but today it was. Plus, there are rumors that the original glazed really are vegan. I choose to believe those rumors.
My doughnut wasn't glazed though. I chose the creme filled/chocolate frosted. It was good, but much like my experience with pizza lately, it wasn't that good. If you've paid any attention to my blog, you know that I managed to choke it down anyway. They weren't the freshest and the bottom of the doughnut was kind of dry and left a film on the roof of my mouth. So, what did I do? I did what any sane, healthy, smart woman would do; I bit off the frosting, and licked out the creme inside. There, that's better. Then, I'm a little embarassed to say, I ate another frosted one while I waited for Casey to finish hers.
This whole episode has left me feeling a little sick, literally. I'm not beating myself up for it, I'm over that. With all the reading I've been doing lately, and through my own experiences with a changed diet, I know that you can train your taste buds and I'm hoping for the day when these don't appeal to me at all. This is progress however, because former Beth would have eaten three before feeling remorse and four before feeling sick.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Swift kick in the ....
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I woke up in the wrong bed altogether... Casey's. She was up at 6:15 and I was dead tired and just crawled into her tiny little twin bed and we fell back asleep for a little while. I am depressed. Actually, I've been depressed for days now and can't pinpoint it. Isn't that the worst? When you don't know exactly what is bringing you down? I mean, if I knew what was making me unhappy, I'd be able to work on it, listen to a sappy song about it, deal with it or at least understand it. My knee jerk reaction is to blame the boobs. Angry at something? Must be because I had a mastectomy. Sad? mastectomy. Mopey? Yep, mastectomy. I'm pretty sure that's not it entirely, but maybe just a little, like an overshadowing sad, not overwhelming and in your face.
I came down this morning and cleaned the kitchen, before I even had any coffee. Of course the dishes from last night were in front of the coffee maker, so I'm sure that had something to do with it. I literally can't stand a messy house. My house is far from perfect, but if there's not some semblance of order, I can't continue with anything else. Anyway, I proceeded to put my running clothes on, only to stop at the back door, in tears, deciding I can't do this. I decided instead to take a shower and attempt a do-over at my already crappy day. I was intending for the soap and water to wash off the ugly attitude. It worked for the most part. Since it was FINALLY a nice day, Casey and I walked down to the park which was lovely. Just what she and I both needed.
I'm mad I didn't run and still have plans of running tomorrow. I knew this would happen. That it would become close to surgery date and I'd give up again, knowing I'm going to be starting all over again. I'm so glad I decided on the 10 mile run last week, otherwise I'm confident my running would have already stopped. I'm hoping for the strength to continue through next weekend, even if it's only a few miles. I don't want to deal with this all again. Surgery is in 1 week, 3 days. Kind of feeling numb about it but sadly looking forward to percocet induced sleep.
I'm 1 pound away from my goal weight, so I'll take it. Let's just hope I don't fuck it up in the next week. If today is any indication, I'm in for an uphill battle. Oh well. Corey and the kids plus one neighbor went out for ice cream and I'm enjoying a little solitude. I threatened to make him take them out to dinner too :)
I came down this morning and cleaned the kitchen, before I even had any coffee. Of course the dishes from last night were in front of the coffee maker, so I'm sure that had something to do with it. I literally can't stand a messy house. My house is far from perfect, but if there's not some semblance of order, I can't continue with anything else. Anyway, I proceeded to put my running clothes on, only to stop at the back door, in tears, deciding I can't do this. I decided instead to take a shower and attempt a do-over at my already crappy day. I was intending for the soap and water to wash off the ugly attitude. It worked for the most part. Since it was FINALLY a nice day, Casey and I walked down to the park which was lovely. Just what she and I both needed.
I'm mad I didn't run and still have plans of running tomorrow. I knew this would happen. That it would become close to surgery date and I'd give up again, knowing I'm going to be starting all over again. I'm so glad I decided on the 10 mile run last week, otherwise I'm confident my running would have already stopped. I'm hoping for the strength to continue through next weekend, even if it's only a few miles. I don't want to deal with this all again. Surgery is in 1 week, 3 days. Kind of feeling numb about it but sadly looking forward to percocet induced sleep.
I'm 1 pound away from my goal weight, so I'll take it. Let's just hope I don't fuck it up in the next week. If today is any indication, I'm in for an uphill battle. Oh well. Corey and the kids plus one neighbor went out for ice cream and I'm enjoying a little solitude. I threatened to make him take them out to dinner too :)
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Snowman Stampede
Ran the 10 mile snowman stampede on Saturday. Not my fastest, but very close and for that I am happy. Corey did great, as I knew he would. It was fun to do this together. He was faster, of course. At around mile one he started to pull away and looked back at me for the OK to go ahead. He had talked about us staying together, but I knew I wanted him to see how fast he could go, really. I finished with about a 10:28 average per mile.
Pre-op appointment yesterday. Ready to go!
Pre-op appointment yesterday. Ready to go!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
By the way
My weight loss has finally started again. 1.5 pounds in the past 2 weeks or so. I had hit a plateau and even though I was doing everything right, the weight was going nowhere. It's a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. It could be the fact that I've cut down on dairy, or just that I needed patience through the plateau. Doesn't matter I suppose. Ten mile race next Saturday. I've had a cold for the past few days and haven't run, but I'm not worried. It's not about time, it's about getting out there and doing it. Less than a month until my final implants, and the start and return to my life.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
crappy car stuff and people suck
So, I took my car into the shop yesterday for an oil change and a "by the way, there's a leak, can you check it?" Much to my dismay, they found 3 leaks totaling $992 to fix. I opted to fix one leak. I choose to ignore the rest. They gave me a rental for the night, which was great, but boy does my car seem like a pit compared this one. I was mortified when they got Casey's car seat out for me and the amount of "junk" that proceeded to fall from it as he lifted it out. Ew. This rental has a plug for my ipod and it's immaculate. I was secretly hoping the car place would accidentally drop my car from the lift and buy me a new one (ha!) No such luck, my car is ready and waiting.
As I was driving into work today, I looked back and noticed an empty sushi container on the floorboard of this rental. Not mine. Some asshole must have been walking by my house and decided to use the backseat of this car as a trashcan. I'm pissed. No harm done, but I feel disrespected. Damn teenagers. Or at least that's what I'm guessing. Who the fuck are these people?
Anyway, I am on a quest to clean my car really well as soon as it's not so flippin cold. Of course my first inkling was to just go buy a new one. Not smart Beth, not smart.
On a positive note, met my friend who is going through chemo for lunch while they tended to my car. She is doing really well and I had soy cheese pizza at Big Bill's. Not bad. The vegan journey is going well. I'm no longer eating any obvious animal products, just those packed into some foods at the bottom of the ingredient list.
Oh, and my right hand is cold non-stop while I'm working and goes numb from time to time on the mouse and I have to stop and shake it out. WTF? Hoping it's a winter thing and will go away with warmer weather. Maybe this is why my handwriting sucks!
As I was driving into work today, I looked back and noticed an empty sushi container on the floorboard of this rental. Not mine. Some asshole must have been walking by my house and decided to use the backseat of this car as a trashcan. I'm pissed. No harm done, but I feel disrespected. Damn teenagers. Or at least that's what I'm guessing. Who the fuck are these people?
Anyway, I am on a quest to clean my car really well as soon as it's not so flippin cold. Of course my first inkling was to just go buy a new one. Not smart Beth, not smart.
On a positive note, met my friend who is going through chemo for lunch while they tended to my car. She is doing really well and I had soy cheese pizza at Big Bill's. Not bad. The vegan journey is going well. I'm no longer eating any obvious animal products, just those packed into some foods at the bottom of the ingredient list.
Oh, and my right hand is cold non-stop while I'm working and goes numb from time to time on the mouse and I have to stop and shake it out. WTF? Hoping it's a winter thing and will go away with warmer weather. Maybe this is why my handwriting sucks!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Grandma Jane
My grandmother, mom's mom, is 96 and not doing well. Latest is that she has lung cancer. I could probably say quite bluntly that she's dying, but I won't. I don't know that she is, but I have to think that at 96, not much is going to get better. It's sad but I am so far removed from her that it's almost like someone is telling me a story of someone I don't know. It's not a bad relationship, on any level, I just don't know her very well and haven't seen her in 5 years I suppose.
I grew up seeing my grandparents only every 2-3 years. We'd talk on the phone, but it was always trite. "How's the weather?" "Did you have a nice Christmas?" Small talk, forced upon me by my parents saying that grandma was on the phone, come talk to her.
When I did see my grandparents though, it was always wonderful. This grandma lived in a gorgeous old house in the cutest suburb of Minneapolis, called Edina. As a child, I always swore I'd grow up and live in that wonderful house on Casco Ave. My mom was the oldest of six and we always marveled at the little rooms they all shared, and especially the small dark hot attic with the tiny hallway where the boys lived, 3 of them. My grandfather was strict and grandma always took up for us. She'd let us scoop vegetables from our plate to hers when his head was turned. I remember blueberries with heavy cream for breakfast on the creaky, screened in back porch. I remember grandma getting up at 5:00am and baking cookies with her knit scarf on- She hadn't had hair for as long as I could remember due to psoriasis. She used to go walking every morning around Lake Harriet which was 3 miles. She amazes me. When we would visit, we'd all suit up for the walk-which was just lovely and ended with popcorn with real butter at the stand on the lake.
She had breast cancer and a mastectomy at some point, then years later another mastectomy. Her husband, my grandfather, died about 10 years ago. He had Alzheimer's. After he died, mom showed me some poetry grandma had written. About her husband, her kids, her life. I had no idea. It gave her depth, more than we give people credit for.
She's been living near family in Seattle now in a home. Things are getting worse. She has taken many falls and doesn't remember much about who is who these days. Mom came over last week announcing that she needs pictures of my kids, right now, to send to Grandma. So sad. I'm more sad for my mom. I'm not ready for her to lose her mom. For me, I'm losing a great person, who I saw from time to time and who loved me very much. But like I said, it's distant. I wish her peace. I know this blog is one big babble, but I felt the need to remember her and not let her death go by without really giving her memories their due time.
It just dawned on me that she's never met Casey. Oh, this is too much...
I grew up seeing my grandparents only every 2-3 years. We'd talk on the phone, but it was always trite. "How's the weather?" "Did you have a nice Christmas?" Small talk, forced upon me by my parents saying that grandma was on the phone, come talk to her.
When I did see my grandparents though, it was always wonderful. This grandma lived in a gorgeous old house in the cutest suburb of Minneapolis, called Edina. As a child, I always swore I'd grow up and live in that wonderful house on Casco Ave. My mom was the oldest of six and we always marveled at the little rooms they all shared, and especially the small dark hot attic with the tiny hallway where the boys lived, 3 of them. My grandfather was strict and grandma always took up for us. She'd let us scoop vegetables from our plate to hers when his head was turned. I remember blueberries with heavy cream for breakfast on the creaky, screened in back porch. I remember grandma getting up at 5:00am and baking cookies with her knit scarf on- She hadn't had hair for as long as I could remember due to psoriasis. She used to go walking every morning around Lake Harriet which was 3 miles. She amazes me. When we would visit, we'd all suit up for the walk-which was just lovely and ended with popcorn with real butter at the stand on the lake.
She had breast cancer and a mastectomy at some point, then years later another mastectomy. Her husband, my grandfather, died about 10 years ago. He had Alzheimer's. After he died, mom showed me some poetry grandma had written. About her husband, her kids, her life. I had no idea. It gave her depth, more than we give people credit for.
She's been living near family in Seattle now in a home. Things are getting worse. She has taken many falls and doesn't remember much about who is who these days. Mom came over last week announcing that she needs pictures of my kids, right now, to send to Grandma. So sad. I'm more sad for my mom. I'm not ready for her to lose her mom. For me, I'm losing a great person, who I saw from time to time and who loved me very much. But like I said, it's distant. I wish her peace. I know this blog is one big babble, but I felt the need to remember her and not let her death go by without really giving her memories their due time.
It just dawned on me that she's never met Casey. Oh, this is too much...
Monday, February 8, 2010
cooking update
Just a quick note on my cooking adventures. It's going well. I think I made dinner something like 4 nights last week, like real dinners, nothing frozen to oven involved. I try to include the kids in the preparation and have set new rules for dinner that they seem to be following. They have to try a bite of the new food. If they don't like it they can make a sandwich, but if they choose to do that, then no dessert. My kids are motivated by dessert (wonder where they get that). It's funny though because dessert usually consists of 3-5 jelly beans. So far I made sloppy joes (vegetarian for me and the kids) chicken casserole, baked spaghetti and something else I can't remember. I even stir fried some vegetables to go with it when my usual MO is to open a can. Casey loved the sloppy joe and Dylan likes edamame. Who knew? I feel very good about my progress.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
The Universe
I wanted to start first with my 8 mile run today! whoo hoo. I ran the trek to Daniels Park and back. It's a very scenic run with lots of open space and if you're lucky, buffalo. It's basically 4 miles uphill and 4 miles downhill. I stopped twice on the way up; once at the top of the first incredibly steep hill, and another to admire and talk to the buffalo. I managed to average an 11 minute per mile pace, which is about as fast as I've ever been able to run it.
I do a lot of thinking on my runs. Today was mostly my vegan musings. I often think the universe is speaking to me, or at least in tune with my thoughts and energy. During my 1 1/2 hour run, Moby came on three times. That rarely happens, that the same artist will come on that much, and almost right in a row. Moby is a vegan. That was followed by Jack Johnson singing "Where'd All the Good People Go" and U2's "Trying to Throw Your Arms Around the World." Maybe it's my imagination, and maybe I'm stretching it, but I most definitely think at times it's true.
Just last week, I took Fletcher out for a run in the early morning, and noticed the moon. It was a half moon and in a totally different place, a different size, and different shape than it had been just a night ago. I wondered aloud how that happens. So, I go on to work, my boss sits down and starts speaking to me about the phases of the moon. Weird, huh? I had to interrupt him to tell him how weird and magical that was.
Here is my favorite Universe story. Believe it if you will. Years ago, I worked retail selling cell phones. You know the big huge ones that came in briefcases and we called them "car phones". Anyway, I wasn't very good with the customers. Yes, I was one of those bratty sales girls who acts like you are totally bothering me and I have so many important things to do, rather than help you. I would much rather sit around and gab with my friends. Anyway, I started my usual "Um, did you need some help?" with this older lady. She looked me in the eye. Instantly I saw my grandmother in her, who I hadn't seen in at least a few years. Her sparkling blue eyes, and sweet sweet face. My wonderful grandmother. My attitude changed and I was chilled from the connection I felt. It was a short visit, and I don't even know if she bought anything but she left me with a warm feeling. I got a call from my dad later that week, my grandmother had died.
I've got more, but won't bore you with them. It's just to remind myself of the magic there is in the universe if you're still enough to listen.
I do a lot of thinking on my runs. Today was mostly my vegan musings. I often think the universe is speaking to me, or at least in tune with my thoughts and energy. During my 1 1/2 hour run, Moby came on three times. That rarely happens, that the same artist will come on that much, and almost right in a row. Moby is a vegan. That was followed by Jack Johnson singing "Where'd All the Good People Go" and U2's "Trying to Throw Your Arms Around the World." Maybe it's my imagination, and maybe I'm stretching it, but I most definitely think at times it's true.
Just last week, I took Fletcher out for a run in the early morning, and noticed the moon. It was a half moon and in a totally different place, a different size, and different shape than it had been just a night ago. I wondered aloud how that happens. So, I go on to work, my boss sits down and starts speaking to me about the phases of the moon. Weird, huh? I had to interrupt him to tell him how weird and magical that was.
Here is my favorite Universe story. Believe it if you will. Years ago, I worked retail selling cell phones. You know the big huge ones that came in briefcases and we called them "car phones". Anyway, I wasn't very good with the customers. Yes, I was one of those bratty sales girls who acts like you are totally bothering me and I have so many important things to do, rather than help you. I would much rather sit around and gab with my friends. Anyway, I started my usual "Um, did you need some help?" with this older lady. She looked me in the eye. Instantly I saw my grandmother in her, who I hadn't seen in at least a few years. Her sparkling blue eyes, and sweet sweet face. My wonderful grandmother. My attitude changed and I was chilled from the connection I felt. It was a short visit, and I don't even know if she bought anything but she left me with a warm feeling. I got a call from my dad later that week, my grandmother had died.
I've got more, but won't bore you with them. It's just to remind myself of the magic there is in the universe if you're still enough to listen.
vegan-ish
I have been a vegetarian for about 18 years. People always ask me why. Well, I guess it started right before I graduated from college. I found out I had high cholesterol, so I gave up red meat. It seemed to compliment my love for animals, so I just did it. As years passed, I became more and more strict about my vegetarianism and gave up chicken and turkey years later. The more I knew, the more I felt I was doing the right thing for me, my health and my values. I am past eating meat and never feel the desire to consume it again.
This brings us to today. As I've stated before, I'm on a quest to become healthier. I think overall I'm pretty good. I generally don't eat white bread, pasta, or rice. My problems stem from my love of sugar (chocolate or cake to be exact) and cheese. I am reading Skinny Bitch about being healthier. The authors are vegan, which is something I've mentally thought about many many times. I am going to try to adopt a more vegan lifestyle. I don't know if I can do it totally, but it's worth exploring. They also say to give up refined sugar, coffee and alcohol (except red wine). Sorry, but my coffee will remain part of my diet, as will alcohol, and as far as sugar is concerned, I can sure try some sugar alternatives and can most definitely cut down. At least with those vices, I know no animals were harmed in the making of these delicious products. I had to skip the chapter where people who work in slaughterhouses were interviewed. I already know too much and it literally haunts me, keeps me up at night. Like Linda McCartney said "If slaughterhouses had glass walls, we'd all be vegetarian."
So that's where I stand today. Step #1 is to give up cheese and take it from there. Off to Whole Foods to find some substitutes and re-confirm my decision. When I think about how we exploit animals, I get completely overwhelmed. I think there are some people who just don't care, and some who just don't know. I'm not judging, I'm just saying... My family eats meat, hell-I cook it for them! Part of this quest will involve choosing better meats for them and incorporating more vegetarian dishes. I think about how can one little person make a difference and I am frequently discouraged. But then I remember this: I have a favorite saying that I saw on the lid of an instant soup container years ago. It was a story about a little boy walking down the beach when hundreds of sea horses were washed ashore and lay in the sand, dying. He started to pick them up one by one and throw them back in. A man walks by and says "Son, that's not going to make a difference" to which the boy replied "To that seahorse it will". So, there you have it. Wish me luck.
This brings us to today. As I've stated before, I'm on a quest to become healthier. I think overall I'm pretty good. I generally don't eat white bread, pasta, or rice. My problems stem from my love of sugar (chocolate or cake to be exact) and cheese. I am reading Skinny Bitch about being healthier. The authors are vegan, which is something I've mentally thought about many many times. I am going to try to adopt a more vegan lifestyle. I don't know if I can do it totally, but it's worth exploring. They also say to give up refined sugar, coffee and alcohol (except red wine). Sorry, but my coffee will remain part of my diet, as will alcohol, and as far as sugar is concerned, I can sure try some sugar alternatives and can most definitely cut down. At least with those vices, I know no animals were harmed in the making of these delicious products. I had to skip the chapter where people who work in slaughterhouses were interviewed. I already know too much and it literally haunts me, keeps me up at night. Like Linda McCartney said "If slaughterhouses had glass walls, we'd all be vegetarian."
So that's where I stand today. Step #1 is to give up cheese and take it from there. Off to Whole Foods to find some substitutes and re-confirm my decision. When I think about how we exploit animals, I get completely overwhelmed. I think there are some people who just don't care, and some who just don't know. I'm not judging, I'm just saying... My family eats meat, hell-I cook it for them! Part of this quest will involve choosing better meats for them and incorporating more vegetarian dishes. I think about how can one little person make a difference and I am frequently discouraged. But then I remember this: I have a favorite saying that I saw on the lid of an instant soup container years ago. It was a story about a little boy walking down the beach when hundreds of sea horses were washed ashore and lay in the sand, dying. He started to pick them up one by one and throw them back in. A man walks by and says "Son, that's not going to make a difference" to which the boy replied "To that seahorse it will". So, there you have it. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
For the love of food
I have been thinking about food, a lot. I think it started with my obsession over these few pounds and I've been taking a good hard look at my relationship with food. Something has got to change. Surely food is more than calories, right? Right now my thoughts on eating involve calories, whether I should or shouldn't eat it, and when I can eat something again. I don't take the time to enjoy what I eat and I don't believe inhaling chocolate covered almonds at the speed of light counts. That's just pure gluttony and bingeing. Yuck.
Every night when 5:00 rolls around I feel like I'm going to cry. The stress of cooking something my family will eat is overwhelming. Then it becomes the question of chicken nuggets or mac n cheese. Gross. I can't believe I am "that mom". When Dylan was a baby, he had allergies to milk, eggs and peanuts. Because of this, his choices were limited, but also extremely healthy. He ate whole grain waffles with tahini every morning and tons of plain soy yogurt. I try to remember where I went wrong. I think it happened when we were struggling with getting him to try new foods and I remember thinking. "Hey, every kid likes chicken nuggets, let's try that" The rest is history and continues to be my nemesis, daily.
I knew that I needed a healthier lifestyle, but it finally dawned on me to do it for my family too. I have decided to cook. That's the only way this will happen. I am also trying to change my relationship with food to a more forgiving, loving one. I know people who really appreciate their meals, who see the beauty of food. I have a friend who posts pictures of her beautifully made dinners on facebook, or who will state how she can't wait to pick a warm, fresh tomato for a sandwich for lunch. I love that she experiences it that way. She is healthy and fit and loves food, go figure.
I am on the quest for healthy eating that I appreciate, not just count or eat too much of. I am toying with veganism part time. I need an overhaul, plain and simple.
Monday, January 25, 2010
chocolate and such
Just a quick note to say that things are going well. slow and steady progress, finally! Ran 6 miles Saturday at a decent pace. Not my fastest, but not as slow as I was a few weeks ago so I think I can officially say I'm back within range of where I was. A few more pounds, but really the good news is that I feel better. I feel less "chunky" and I actually saw a muscle in my thigh, which was nice, I've missed them so.
I bought Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred video. Not sure why given that I suck at working out to videos at home. I guess it's cause I'm a bit obsessed with her. I want her rack too, by the way. I plan on trying it tomorrow. Deal is, you're supposed to do it every day. It's only 20 minutes, but that's just not going to happen. Running comes first, then maybe a day or 2 of this. I am happy with how consistent I've been working out. It fits into my life and feels good.
Now for the diet. Hmmm. Calories are good and within my limits (thanks to working out), but what they're comprised of is nothing to be proud of. Being a vegetarian, I watch my protein. That's it, I watch it and notice that it's not enough. I also watch my fat. Watch the fact that it takes up a large percentage of my calories, thanks to the chocolate. The damn chocolate. Well, at least part of the time, it's wrapped around a nutritious almond.
I supppose I could cut down on the chocolate. There is a little treasure chest of chocolates at work. Hershey Nuggets to be exact. Sometimes I just sit there and eat them one after the other. Sometimes I take the wrappers home so no one will see how many I ate. I'm a train wreck. You know, like you're on a TV show to get help and they show you and how absolutely pathetic you are on a secret video they've taken and you're all like "I had no idea I was such a loser". Only I have watched the tape in my head, I don't need a show.
Oh well. I have managed to ration 4 chocolates for the days I work. Maybe I'll cut that down to 3 or even 2 over time. Baby steps...
Thursday, January 21, 2010
My husband
I am sitting here going through papers, trying to organize the office and prepare for taxes. I came across a list I made about Corey. Things I love about Corey. I remember writing it, back when we lived in our little bungalow, before kids, at the beginning of our marriage. It has literally 200 or more reasons I love him and things he does that make me love him more. I'll share just a few of them here, because I think it's important to remember things before kids. Before life got so crazy. Before cancer. It's funny, because the way he was then, is still the man he is now, I just don't take the time to tell him anymore. I consider myself very lucky to be so happy in my marriage, and to have proof that he is still the man I married.
Corey...
finds the good
gets me
makes me laugh until I can't breathe
finds the good
brings me coffee in bed
tolerates me
puts me first
fixes me breakfast
plays with the dogs on the floor
relentlessly tries to get me to stop worrying
lets me cry
cries with me
drives me crazy
reaches for things I can't reach even though he bought me a stool
bought me a stool
sent me flowers the Monday after saying the "L" word
sent me cookies to brighten my day
ate the cookies he sent to brighten my day
cried when he proposed
told everyone about it
asked my parents first
won't go to bed without a kiss and makes me come get it.
Oh how I love my husband. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
why do I bother??
Let me just say that I am pretty pissy today. I have been soooo good; staying in my calories, running almost every day, and yet the weight is up, yet again. I just want to cry. Each day I wake up thinking today my weight will reflect my hard work, even just a little. A couple of days ago, my weight was actually down 1/2 a pound. That's all I need to keep me going, just a little ray of hope that what I'm doing will pay off, even slowly. But then yesterday and today, the weight has topped out where I was when I started. Let's hope my period is to blame for some of this poundage. I'm giving it 5 days to even out, then I guess I'll try something new. ARRRGGH! Frustrated does not begin to cover it.
On a good note (like it matters), I ran 5 miles Sunday. My farthest run since I quit running before surgery. It wasn't too bad and I averaged 10:58 per mile. This included a stop to clean up after Fletcher, 2 stoplights, and 2 other dog aversions. So, we're getting there. I think I ran something like 19 miles last week. I ran 2 yesterday at 10:30 pace, so even closer and plan to run 2 more today.
I do think I'll have to walk some of the 10 mile race I signed up for. I read an article about getting back to running after a set back and it suggests not signing up for any races, and if you do, pay no attention to your time and don't compare it to previous races. That's what I plan to do. I know that I can't really expect to be back until after my final surgery.
I'll keep truding along and keep my chin up. I know I'm doing all the right things.
So Corey just said to me "I'm frustrated too, cause my pants don't fit either". Ummm, his are too big. Not fair.
On a good note (like it matters), I ran 5 miles Sunday. My farthest run since I quit running before surgery. It wasn't too bad and I averaged 10:58 per mile. This included a stop to clean up after Fletcher, 2 stoplights, and 2 other dog aversions. So, we're getting there. I think I ran something like 19 miles last week. I ran 2 yesterday at 10:30 pace, so even closer and plan to run 2 more today.
I do think I'll have to walk some of the 10 mile race I signed up for. I read an article about getting back to running after a set back and it suggests not signing up for any races, and if you do, pay no attention to your time and don't compare it to previous races. That's what I plan to do. I know that I can't really expect to be back until after my final surgery.
I'll keep truding along and keep my chin up. I know I'm doing all the right things.
So Corey just said to me "I'm frustrated too, cause my pants don't fit either". Ummm, his are too big. Not fair.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Grrrr
So, I'm doing everything right. I've had 3 days of being really good. Keeping in my calorie limit (no small feat since I'm only allowed 1300 or so) and have run every day since Friday. I logged 3 miles Friday and Saturday, 1.5 trail run Sunday and 3 again yesterday. Today I did a little yoga (man I suck at that) and strength training on the Wii Fit. I plan to run just 2 maybe while Casey is in gym class. Even with all of this, the scale put me up 3 pounds. That bastard. Even Wii fit lady - I need to come up with a name for her - didn't reflect that. I just know one of these days the scale will say "Wow, you lost 4 pounds and are at your goal weight, way to go Beth". Or maybe that's what I'll say when the numbers reflect my work. I am well aware that 3 days is not enough to judge, or to expect results, but when the numbers go up, it's hard not to lose momentum.
I'll just stay the course. When my kids were babies and didn't sleep through the night-we're talking well over a year-I used to chant "just stay the course" in my head, knowing that if I just kept doing what I was doing, they would eventually figure it out, and they did. I'm hoping the same formula works here.
I'll just stay the course. When my kids were babies and didn't sleep through the night-we're talking well over a year-I used to chant "just stay the course" in my head, knowing that if I just kept doing what I was doing, they would eventually figure it out, and they did. I'm hoping the same formula works here.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Plus one, minus two
So, the scale finally reflects 2 pounds lost. whew. 4 more to go. I haven't checked in with the Wii fit to get her perspective, but not sure I want to. Just in case she's off. I know, I know, 4 sounds so small compared to someone with larger weight issues (like on the Biggest Loser), but for me it is the difference in my clothes fitting, in my belly bulge, in my confidence.
Ran one mile this morning. I know right now you're thinking, "Wow, Beth a WHOLE mile, just a short EIGHT weeks post surgery, what a superstar". Well, thing was I got up late. It's all I had time for, so I grabbed Fletcher and took off. Since it was only one mile, my pace was very close to my pace pre-life changing ordeal. I feel good. Had a great day yesterday calorie wise and doing ok so far today, minus the ever present chocolates at work-arrrgghhh and yum!
I was sitting there today conversing with my boss and it seems many many times I feel like I have boobs. This fantasy would of course be shattered if I was to touch them in any way, but point is, they don't hurt and don't feel weird. Sleeping still sucks and some reaching, but it's good to know that overall, I can feel normal. They look pretty cute in a shirt too, if you look past the overachieving right side, which is a bit higher.
Looking forward to beer tonight if I can keep my calories in check.
E is in for her final implant surgery today! I get to keep her fabulous daughter after school and can't wait to see E after all of this. She's the superstar.
Ran one mile this morning. I know right now you're thinking, "Wow, Beth a WHOLE mile, just a short EIGHT weeks post surgery, what a superstar". Well, thing was I got up late. It's all I had time for, so I grabbed Fletcher and took off. Since it was only one mile, my pace was very close to my pace pre-life changing ordeal. I feel good. Had a great day yesterday calorie wise and doing ok so far today, minus the ever present chocolates at work-arrrgghhh and yum!
I was sitting there today conversing with my boss and it seems many many times I feel like I have boobs. This fantasy would of course be shattered if I was to touch them in any way, but point is, they don't hurt and don't feel weird. Sleeping still sucks and some reaching, but it's good to know that overall, I can feel normal. They look pretty cute in a shirt too, if you look past the overachieving right side, which is a bit higher.
Looking forward to beer tonight if I can keep my calories in check.
E is in for her final implant surgery today! I get to keep her fabulous daughter after school and can't wait to see E after all of this. She's the superstar.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
ugh
OK, I feel the need to post today, just to keep me in line with this weight thing. Stupid Wii Fit bitch says I'm up like 1.5 pounds. I don't doubt it. I have been pretty good but went out with girlfriends last night. I had like 150 calories left and I planned on a glass of wine and maybe a snack (went to a tapas place, so I thought that was doable). I did only have one expensive glass of wine and then proceeded to eat the whole flat bread pizza cause no one else was. I know part of the weight is just the sodium and from eating so late.
I saw my running buddy this morning. She's running the Colorado Marathon again. I'm sad. I'm sad that I can't do it but am extremely happy for her and would love to go to Fort Collins and cheer for her. Maybe I can drag E up there for a girls night and we'll see J run in the morning. After that, I have decided to run the Snowman Stampede 10 mile, not the 5 mile. I'm so sick and tired of performing under par. Screw it, I can do this! Corey ran 3 with Fletcher this morning and came back all glowy and sweaty.
So, let's look at the positives. I got up again this morning and did my Wii Fit. Casey has a gym class this morning and I plan on heading over to the rec center for some elliptical, or maybe just a run near her gym.
I feel like I've got a one track mind and really would like to post about other than my weight, but that's what's over-shadowing me right now.
I saw my running buddy this morning. She's running the Colorado Marathon again. I'm sad. I'm sad that I can't do it but am extremely happy for her and would love to go to Fort Collins and cheer for her. Maybe I can drag E up there for a girls night and we'll see J run in the morning. After that, I have decided to run the Snowman Stampede 10 mile, not the 5 mile. I'm so sick and tired of performing under par. Screw it, I can do this! Corey ran 3 with Fletcher this morning and came back all glowy and sweaty.
So, let's look at the positives. I got up again this morning and did my Wii Fit. Casey has a gym class this morning and I plan on heading over to the rec center for some elliptical, or maybe just a run near her gym.
I feel like I've got a one track mind and really would like to post about other than my weight, but that's what's over-shadowing me right now.
Monday, January 4, 2010
routine
Ah, how I love routine. Today is back to work and back to school and back to sanity. Although it's always a challenge getting the kids ready for school, me ready for work and a workout, I feel more put together. I literally did not get out of my pajamas until 4pm yesterday when I finally decided I needed to take the dog for a walk.
I got up at 5:50am and hit the treadmill this morning. I only did 2 miles slowly, but it's something. My foobs (saw this description on a breast cancer site and thought it was pretty funny... and accurate) were sore and heavy, more than they were Saturday. I think they're still sore from Saturday. I came up from the basement to find Corey doing yoga on the Wii fit-yea!
I have decided to run a race in February. It's a 5 or 10 miler and I haven't decided which one yet. I'd like to do 10, but just not sure how much my chest can take. It's slow going getting back in shape, but I really need a goal to keep me moving.
This race will help a lot. Corey is signing up with me. I am thrilled that he is getting active again. He is a natural athlete and is good at anything he tries. In the past, I haven't really wanted him to run. That has been my thing. My only thing. The one thing I can do that he doesn't. But now he wants to start. I've decided to put my pride in the back pocket and cheer him on as much as he has me. Who knows, this might be fun for us. We'll never really be able to run together. He's over 6 feet and I measure up at just over 5. He's the before mentioned natural athlete, while I am one who really has to work at it. But, he needs this, just like I do. I think it's amazing what running has done fo rme. I may not be fast, but it sure feels good.
As for my weight battle.... Um... I'm trying. I haven't lost any yet, but did indulge just a little on New Year's. I had a spinach salad for lunch yesterday and a roasted sweet potato for dinner (yum!) This is more vegetables than my body has seen in weeks. I had to make up for the Reese peanut butter tree and other miscellaneous chocolates. Today I got out the Vitamix and made a smoothie with berries, soy milk, splenda, protein powder and flax seeds. I especially love that my daughter took some with her to drink on the way to school. I feel positive about my progress.
I got up at 5:50am and hit the treadmill this morning. I only did 2 miles slowly, but it's something. My foobs (saw this description on a breast cancer site and thought it was pretty funny... and accurate) were sore and heavy, more than they were Saturday. I think they're still sore from Saturday. I came up from the basement to find Corey doing yoga on the Wii fit-yea!
I have decided to run a race in February. It's a 5 or 10 miler and I haven't decided which one yet. I'd like to do 10, but just not sure how much my chest can take. It's slow going getting back in shape, but I really need a goal to keep me moving.
This race will help a lot. Corey is signing up with me. I am thrilled that he is getting active again. He is a natural athlete and is good at anything he tries. In the past, I haven't really wanted him to run. That has been my thing. My only thing. The one thing I can do that he doesn't. But now he wants to start. I've decided to put my pride in the back pocket and cheer him on as much as he has me. Who knows, this might be fun for us. We'll never really be able to run together. He's over 6 feet and I measure up at just over 5. He's the before mentioned natural athlete, while I am one who really has to work at it. But, he needs this, just like I do. I think it's amazing what running has done fo rme. I may not be fast, but it sure feels good.
As for my weight battle.... Um... I'm trying. I haven't lost any yet, but did indulge just a little on New Year's. I had a spinach salad for lunch yesterday and a roasted sweet potato for dinner (yum!) This is more vegetables than my body has seen in weeks. I had to make up for the Reese peanut butter tree and other miscellaneous chocolates. Today I got out the Vitamix and made a smoothie with berries, soy milk, splenda, protein powder and flax seeds. I especially love that my daughter took some with her to drink on the way to school. I feel positive about my progress.
Friday, January 1, 2010
2009
Now that 2010 is here, I thought I'd take a moment to think about all of the good things of 2009...
I'm thankful that I am still happily married
My kids are healthy and happy
My first marathon
Going back to work (part time) after an 8 year hiatus. I love my job, it couldn't be more perfect.
My neighbor and friend J, who made me run more than ever and kept me going.
My husband still has a good paying job
My successful surgery and the peace in knowing I've beat cancer before it could touch me.
My parents are still alive and well and active
I'm grateful my sister lives so close and we're able to see her often
My new dog of 2009, Fletcher
Living in Colorado
Our beach trip last summer, Casey's first that she can remember
Camping with kids and friends
All of my friends I've made here; neighbors, playgroup friends
Hooking up with old friends thanks to facebook
Nike Plus which helps me achieve my goals
My beautiful friend E, who has helped me through my surgery and all the physical and emotional pain
The support of family that I haven't talked to in years
I could go on and on. It really is the little things that make a year amazing. I have so much and only wish others had what I do.
I am incredibly ready to start 2010! This year I plan to get back into running after my 2 month surgery break, try trail running and remember to make a big deal out of things, not just skate through them. I wish E, L, Kelly and me the strength to come out of this crap better and stronger than ever. As E says, I'm a badass now. I like that.
I'm thankful that I am still happily married
My kids are healthy and happy
My first marathon
Going back to work (part time) after an 8 year hiatus. I love my job, it couldn't be more perfect.
My neighbor and friend J, who made me run more than ever and kept me going.
My husband still has a good paying job
My successful surgery and the peace in knowing I've beat cancer before it could touch me.
My parents are still alive and well and active
I'm grateful my sister lives so close and we're able to see her often
My new dog of 2009, Fletcher
Living in Colorado
Our beach trip last summer, Casey's first that she can remember
Camping with kids and friends
All of my friends I've made here; neighbors, playgroup friends
Hooking up with old friends thanks to facebook
Nike Plus which helps me achieve my goals
My beautiful friend E, who has helped me through my surgery and all the physical and emotional pain
The support of family that I haven't talked to in years
I could go on and on. It really is the little things that make a year amazing. I have so much and only wish others had what I do.
I am incredibly ready to start 2010! This year I plan to get back into running after my 2 month surgery break, try trail running and remember to make a big deal out of things, not just skate through them. I wish E, L, Kelly and me the strength to come out of this crap better and stronger than ever. As E says, I'm a badass now. I like that.
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