&*%$# stress fracture

Stress fracture is back. I was just getting back into running and exercise, and it's back. This sucks. Not an easy way to lose weight when you can't burn any calories. I think I've decided to go ahead with the nipples ASAP since I'm out of commission anyway, exercise wise. I have been thinking about going smaller though before I get the nips done. My issue though is that if the base of the implant is the same size no matter what, then it does me no good, that would just make for flatter pancakes. I think I'll call my PA again. :)

Watching my calories very carefully. I can do this, I know I can.

It's on!

What's on is my quest to be fit again. Let me first say that this is the first time in history where no weight was gained on vacation. I'm in shock. I've even made my kids get on the scale to make sure it's accurate. I think being vegan in the South helped a bit with this one. No cookies my skinny sister in law made, no ice cream at the beach (which I truly missed, as an experience), no real entrees except veggie burgers and vegetables. My mother in law was so sweet to cater to my restrictions. Instead of using butter to cook her vegetables, she used Crisco. Thank you (I think).

Anyway, so yesterday, my son Dylan looks at me as I'm waving my arm and points to it and giggles and says "jiggle jiggle". If that's not a hint that I need to exercise... I can't even repeat what he said about my thighs. I'm still trying to erase that one from my memory.

My foot is better and I have been back to running, ever so slowly. I don't want to risk re-injury. I'm only up to 2 miles and am going for 3 this weekend. I am just so damn happy to be running again. I actually smile when I know it's a running morning. I took my two insanely crazy dogs running this morning. It used to be just Fletcher, but Livvy has caught on and I can't look at her face and not take her too. I know we look like a circus act running down the street. This is how my morning goes: 5:30-6:00am, my big dog rams the side of the bed and nudges my hand with his wet nose until I get up. Both he and Livvy race down the stairs and are literally underfoot as I get my running clothes on. Fletcher runs around with one sock or the other in his mouth until I yank it from his mouth and put the wet thing on. Then we head out. It's nutty, but it makes me smile to see them both so happy.

So, I'm on the quest to finally lose 4 pounds and tighten up. This is it. No more excuses.

On the boob front, they seem to be getting lower, like the whole thing is slipping. I know my PA thinks I've lost it and let me schedule a pity appointment. We'll see what they say. She did say Dr. B could fix it at my nipple construction.

Happy Summer!

don't yell at my dogs

So, I walk my dogs, 2 out of 3, almost every morning. I'm the first to admit they're obnoxious. It's like walking a marionette, with one string pulling this way, one pulling that, and getting tangled in the process. Fletcher has been to doggie school, though you wouldn't know it by the looks of him on a leash and Olivia is just a hopping barking mess. Anyway, we walk past this old man at the tennis court, and Fletcher of course sticks his nose in this man's tennis bag as we walk past. I pull him out, all the while Livvy is barking and hopping toward the man on her tight leash. He lunges toward her yelling "Get out of here!! Get out of here!!" I turn around and scream "DON'T YELL AT MY DOG!" Great way to start the morning, don't ya think? Wish I would have followed up with "lighten up, life's too short" to maybe put into perspective what an asshole he was being.

Anyway, moving on. I have to mention how proud I was of Casey last week. She handled herself in a way I never could when it comes to friends. We were at a friends house for "happy hour" (aka moms drink on the porch while the kids play in the yard). She and her friend Anna were coloring. When Casey stepped inside for a moment, Anna proceeded to scribble all over one of the pages already colored. I sat there not knowing what to say and wondering how Casey would react. Casey returned, saw the scribble and her bottom lip poked out, her brow furrowed and she looked at me like she was going to cry. She then said to Anna "You ruined it". Then she proceeded to go "Let's find a different page". Way to move on Casey!

Then, here's the good part. Anna began to color and Casey proceeded to scribble on Anna's page to tease her as she had been teased. Anna promptly said "You're not my friend anymore" to which Casey replied "Look around Anna, do you see anyone else to play with? There's no one else here, you have to be my friend."

I just hope this confidence carries her though High School and all the crap that will be thrown at her then. Off to a good start.

Dylan lost another tooth this morning. Poor guy has more holes than teeth at this point. We call him gummy bear, four teeth across the top in a row gone, and now one on the bottom.

Summer is great so far, going by way too quickly, but I am enjoying every moment with my kids. Off to NC next week to see the in-laws and a quick trip to the beach.

catching up

It seems so incredibly long since I've posted a blog, or blogged, or whatever you call it. Life is moving fast and I'm holding on tight. Although there's nothing earth shattering to report, I'm disappointed that I haven't kept up in the interest of keeping track of things I'd like to remember. Like my girls weekend with my ever sweet baby girl and some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth that cracks me up. Like "Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest at the mall?"

We dropped Dylan off at his first attempt at sleep away camp. It brought back so many memories of my days at "Rainbow Trail". I think this is ever important for him. To be outdoors, non-stop, with no parents, no tv, no video games. He's in a cabin with 8 other boys (Lord help the counselors) including his cousin. He was grinning from ear to ear as we left him yesterday. On the way home, Casey had a ball declaring all that we were going to do since she was the only child. "Dad, when we get home, we're playing house. Do you want to be the dog, or the kitty?" She gets a real kick out of being the only kid. Life was so much less stressful last night, just the three of us. It's a nice break. It would have been the same if Casey had gone away, just one less child really slows the pace.

I haven't run in close to 6 weeks. I have a stress fracture in my foot (or so I've self-diagnosed). It appears to be getting better, but every time I think it's better, it comes back. Needless to say, I have never wanted to run so badly in my life! I'm soft, very soft and a few pounds heavier. Oh well, could be worse I suppose.

I have decided that I am sick of the suburbs. I don't know that moving is an option, but I just don't feel myself sometimes. I took the kids to the zoo last week and my heart skips a beat as I drive through those neighborhoods closer to town. We drove by our old house. The one Corey and I lived in until Dylan was six months, and also the one I grew up in. The tree lined sidewalks, the older houses with character, the little flower shop within walking distance. *sigh* I just miss it so and sometimes think there's more people like me there. I do have some wonderful friends and neighbors here and the kids are happy, so it's doubtful anything will come of it. Bloom where you are planted. At least that's what I keep trying to tell myself.

AZ

Ahhh, mini vacay in Scottsdale. It's lovely down here, especially in contrast to the Seattleish weather Denver has been having. When I waiting for the shuttle bus in Denver, cold and rainy, again. I didn't get in until last night, so I haven't been here in the heat of the day, but it feels tropical even though it's incredibly dry. Warm breeze, sitting in the shade as the sun goes down, drinking oh so many Greyhounds.

Corey is here for work, so this is the cheap couples alternative. Just a plane ticket for me and free hotel and meals through Corey. It's perfect. My parents are with my kids which I have to continually put out of my mind and just assume it's going smoothly. I told Dylan not to pull this bickering crap with my parents cause they're old and can't handle it as beautifully as I do (ha!). He just says "old people are fun!"

I met up with one of my favorite people, KC, last night. She lives here and we used to work together in Charlotte. We were out partying most of the nights we were together in Charlotte. Sundays were big for us. Drinks by the dinky little pool at my apartment, then head on down the road to drink outdoors at our favorite bar where we'd order things like cheese fries. Last night there was no shortage on drinks, but chips and salsa replaced the cheese fries and somewhat mature conversations emerged. You know, kids, fitness, husbands, etc. KC just turned 40 and I have to say she is the hottest 40 year old I know. She looks amazing, probably better than when we hung out at 20 something. I'll have to post a picture. We tried to get Corey to take one last night, but it was a joke. Couldn't get it quite right. Going to try and meet up with her again and see her house and meet her little girls.

Anyway, I'm babbling in my little hung over stupor. Looking forward to some kid free time with Corey and a more subdued evening. Then it's back to Denver tomorrow morning. Short, but sweet and believe it or not, I do miss those kids already. Sad, I know.

giddy

I feel really happy in the first time in sooo long. I would even venture to say I feel giddy. It's great because just like the sadness, I can't really pinpoint why, I just am. I had a perfect Mother's Day. My sister and her three kids came and spent the night with us on Saturday. Sunday morning, we both got to sleep in while my husband got up with the 5 kids and made us toast and fruit. Actually, it turns out the kids watched Scooby Doo while he made the breakfast, but hey, it was their idea, so that counts, right?

I bought myself flowers on Friday. I think I should always have fresh flowers in my house, what a difference it makes. Anyway, there wasn't anything particularly outstanding about yesterday, but just some great family time outside. I am very grateful and happy to be a mama.

I watched The Blind Side with my sister on Saturday night. Wow, what a great movie. I love the woman Sandra Bullock played. She doesn't take any shit and does the right thing, no matter the consequences. Shouldn't we all be a little more like that? Corey told me he wanted to adopt a black baby after seeing it. He doesn't know he really shouldn't mention things to me like that, cause I just might run with it.

I got a disastrous haircut on Saturday. I have been through more stylists than I can count. I have crazy curly/straight/coarse/unruly hair so when I find someone I like, I stick with them, well, until they screw up. I haven't had my hair highlighted in over a year because the last time I went, they gave me ASH BLONDE highlights, like all over. My hair is so dark it's almost black. Ash blonde is not a good match. I looked about 70 years old when I left and took myself promptly to the grocery store for a bottle of plain old brown to cover the mess.

Sooo, I signed up for highlights again, this time with a girl who has cut my hair 2-3 times, and I've been really happy. She asked me to be her "model" since she was trying to get on at a new salon and would cut me a deal in doing so.

We talked caramel color highlights. Long story short, she took the towel off and low and behold, we've got ash blonde. I hated to be a pain but asked her to tone it again. This time it came out better, but not great. It's very flat and dull. My hair looks like it's been through a dust storm. THEN, I ask for her to trim me up some bangs. She promptly cuts straight across ABOVE my eyebrows. I have Katy Perry bangs and seeing as I'm not some 20 something cool rocker chick, I look like a dork. They'll grow, no harm done, but to top it off, there was no discount. What?? After all that and 4 hours later, you're going to charge me $110? I didn't leave her a tip. I didn't mean not to, seriously, but I think I was so shocked at the cost, that I subconsciously didn't. I can't ever go back and my quest for a hairstylist continues.

Oh well, nothing is going to get in the way of my giddyness.

can't sleep....

Feeling unappreciated. As we're going to bed tonight, Corey checks and sees that the dogs have no water. He then begins to scold me. Of course I know it's important, those furry things are children to me, but somehow it gets overlooked from time to time. I tell him that he lives here too and he goes on to tell me how he's only here 2 hours a day, and that I'm basically here all the time. I'm pissed because I do E V E R Y T H I N G around here, or so it seems. Sure, Corey goes through spurts where he's super helpful, but it's not consistent. He took up the laundry duties after my first surgery, but that has really dropped off and he'd end up trying to do it all in one day and we'd have varying degress of laundry doneness hanging around and since I am the "putter awayer", that wasn't working out for me. I have since taken back that duty.

I know he works hard and long hours and he's tired but I don't forget to tell him how much we appreciate it. We lay in bed tonight and I tried to explain where I was coming from, that I was feeling unappreciated and could use just a little more help around here. He simply says "we do appreicate you". I didn't feel I'd made my point, so I rattle off everything I do;

pay the bills, check homework, pack lunches, take Casey to school because she sleeps too late for Corey to take her, pick Casey up from school because Corey works too late, clean the kitchen about 100 times a day, plan the meals, cook the meals, clean up from the meals, make the coffee every night for the next day, clean the house, clean the toilets (I'm pretty sure Corey has never cleaned a toilet in his adult life), change the air filter, feed the dogs or make sure Dylan does it, keep track of every piece of paper the kids bring home from school, take care of every piece of mail, plan vacations, send birthday/mothers day/fathers day cards, run all the errands, grocery shop, doctor appointments, dental appointments, keep our calendar straight, sign the kids up for classes, put the kids to bed, clean up the yard (this one Corey does quite often), walk the dogs, work three days a week, and the list continues.

He just listened and even inserted a job here and there as I rattled away. But what I was looking for was a realization, a real apology and a promise to do just a little. I don't expect much. As a part time stay at home mom and control freak, I happily assume most responsibility. But what would be nice is getting your beer bottle and popcorn bowl to the kitchen at the end of the night, not leaving your clothes in a heap on the floor for the laundry fairy to find and take care of, putting the kids to bed now and then. But no, he was done and promptly fell asleep, so that leaves me here, too agitated to sleep.

I know it's the same story us moms have been dealing with forever and sounds so cliche, but damn it, it's true. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow we'll have a new spurt of extreme helpfulness. Let's hope so.