Trust

I have trust issues. Always have I suppose. It would be impossible and unimportant to put my finger on why. I'm kind of a "so what" kind of gal when it comes to shit that has happened in your past. Move on. Everyone is dealing with something. Get help if you need it, but don't use it as an excuse.

Anyway, sometimes it's hard being me. I feel a bit insane as I talk myself into believing the best, rather than the worst, which is my knee jerk reaction. Self talk, non-stop, all day. Hoping that what I think is a breach of trust, is just me being crazy. Feeling crazy ain't so hot though.

I once heard, by accident, a preacher on TV. He put things in a way that I had never thought of before. He was talking about faith. Not necessarily religious faith, but belief in anything really. He said that we don't know what is going to happen. You can either doubt, and believe the worst, or trust and have faith, and believe the best. It's a 50/50 shot either way, so why automatically go with the doubt? I love it. Assume the best.

I think a long time ago, I told myself to expect the worst, so it won't hurt so bad when it is actually, the worst. But that way it seems to a double whammy. Sucks when you don't know and sucks when you do. I won't say ignorance is bliss, but trust is.

I will always be a little bit crazy, a little bit neurotic, it's who I am, but trying so hard to just have faith.