I have been thinking about food, a lot. I think it started with my obsession over these few pounds and I've been taking a good hard look at my relationship with food. Something has got to change. Surely food is more than calories, right? Right now my thoughts on eating involve calories, whether I should or shouldn't eat it, and when I can eat something again. I don't take the time to enjoy what I eat and I don't believe inhaling chocolate covered almonds at the speed of light counts. That's just pure gluttony and bingeing. Yuck.
Every night when 5:00 rolls around I feel like I'm going to cry. The stress of cooking something my family will eat is overwhelming. Then it becomes the question of chicken nuggets or mac n cheese. Gross. I can't believe I am "that mom". When Dylan was a baby, he had allergies to milk, eggs and peanuts. Because of this, his choices were limited, but also extremely healthy. He ate whole grain waffles with tahini every morning and tons of plain soy yogurt. I try to remember where I went wrong. I think it happened when we were struggling with getting him to try new foods and I remember thinking. "Hey, every kid likes chicken nuggets, let's try that" The rest is history and continues to be my nemesis, daily.
I knew that I needed a healthier lifestyle, but it finally dawned on me to do it for my family too. I have decided to cook. That's the only way this will happen. I am also trying to change my relationship with food to a more forgiving, loving one. I know people who really appreciate their meals, who see the beauty of food. I have a friend who posts pictures of her beautifully made dinners on facebook, or who will state how she can't wait to pick a warm, fresh tomato for a sandwich for lunch. I love that she experiences it that way. She is healthy and fit and loves food, go figure.
I am on the quest for healthy eating that I appreciate, not just count or eat too much of. I am toying with veganism part time. I need an overhaul, plain and simple.
No comments:
Post a Comment